Husband wants out of our marriage - advice?

beeepbeeep

Long time lurker, first time poster. Please be gentle with me as I'm feeling fragile at the moment.

What do you do when your husband tells you that he wants out of your marriage?

More info.. We've been together for 8 years, married for 4. I've got 2 boys from a previous marriage (14 & 10). They are lovely kids, no problem at all. Both very bright, the eldest quite introvert and youngest the total opposite.

Hubby was previously married with no kids and never wanted them. I tried to 'warn him off' at the start but he felt that he could cope with being a stepdad.

I've suffered from depression since DS2 was born and been on AD's on and off since then and have been a cow and sometimes hard work to my OH in the past. However, I wised-up about 3 years ago when he first told me he wanted out. However in his words 'I've killed parts of him' - by this I assume his feelings towards me.

He told me last Friday that as far as he's concerened it's all over between us. This week has been so hard because the boys have been home from school and I've had to put on a happy, smiley mother face and had friends over etc. They've gone to their Dad's house tonight so I've been able to have a good cry.

Where do I go from here? I love him so much it hurts, I've never felt this way about anyone and really don't feel that I could love someone else this much.

Sorry for the long post, I didn't realise that I could type so much. TBH I don't really know what I'm expecting from this post! but it's been good to put it into words

BB

RacyRed

(((hugs)))

Sadly, if he no longer loves you, and it sounds as if that is what he was saying, then nothing can bring that back.

All you can do is be there for your kids and take it one day at a time.

I just deleted about a dozen cliches that you really won't want to hear right now, no matter how true they are. There really isn't much anyone can say to comfort you, except to send you (((hugs)))

beeepbeeep

Thank you RacyRed. I understand what you are saying, it's just very hard to accept at the moment. Hugs are appreciated

BB

Summerstage

BB, sounds like you are really going through the mill at the moment.

Sometimes we all get bogged down in "everday life", and inevitably lose sight of what we set out to do at the beginning...what were you and your Partner's dreams?

In your heart, is it too far gone or could you talk and try and find a new path? What specifically is bothering him or not working, on both sides...is it something that could be worked on?

I hope so. Don't really have much advice to offer, but my thoughts are with you xx

faerie~spangles

beeepbeeep wrote: »

<snipped>
This week has been so hard because the boys have been home from school. <snipped>


BB

Are the boys at boarding school?

RacyRed

faerie~spangles wrote: »

Are the boys at boarding school?

It was half term for a lot of schools this week, I think the OP means that the boys were at home during the day and not at school as usual. I'm sure she will correct me if I'm wrong.

beeepbeeep

I've asked my hubby to go to relate which is something that I was not interested in with my ex. He agreed initially and I asked him to let me know dates which he never did, I assumed (stupidly) that things were OK between us. I would still go down this route but he says its too late now.

He works full time and is also studying so in the past couple of years I've tried to not give him any stress in respects of days out, nights out etc and nothing to do around the house. I work part time so no-problem with me doing 'house work'. I wanted him to concentrate (sp?) on his work and studies as he always said that this would lead to promotion / better job for him and therefore a better life for 'us' in the long-run.

It's so hard when you still love someone so much.

Thanks for posting, it's good to know that people take time to read and give their opinion.

BB

beeepbeeep

faerie~spangles wrote: »

Are the boys at boarding school?

No we are not that rich, that actually made me smile
Just half term and boys home all day, every day
BB

marmitepotato

Hugs to you, I have no advice. Just thinking of you. X

paulwellerfan

if he wants out that bad just let him go.
nothing worse than being in a relationship you dont want to be in.

trying-my-hardest

I am going through something very similar at the moment. My husband has wanted out for a while, which has made for a very unhappy relationship, he has pushed me to the point of asking him to leave and give me space last weekend.
I still love him so much and I feel like my insides have been ripped out...but he is not ready to talk yet :-(
I have done everything I can to fix things, relate etc.
It sounds like you have done all you can to keep things going too.
I think that sometimes life just gets too much and we can't see the big picture. hugs x