Racked with guilt

meritaten

I think that when your husband grabbed you it triggered panic. you became scared and reacted the way you would have during the abusive relationship. I would think hard if this is the way you felt or was there another reason?
your OH is still coming back and is giving you some space while not entirely abandoning you - perhaps he understands more than you think?
I doubt the police will actually charge your OH, but you could phone and ask if they are following it up.
Guilt is a negative emotion hun - I can understand right now you feel bad - but you must do something about your over-reaction. counselling perhaps? either by yourself or with OH or a mix of both?
I think you need to understand the cause of how you reacted today and perhaps look to see if you are particularly stressed right now.
good luck

Tiddlywinks

City_girl wrote: »

I have always said that I need/going to get help but have not kept at it. Even when I had my last counselling sessions my behaviour was still the same. Think he has just gotten fed up with my promises.

City_girl wrote: »

I know I need anger management. I don't want to be in this situation again which is why I am going to get help.

Really? You never did stick to that promise before.

Whilst you do 'get help' I think you both need to live apart as until you are 'helped' nothing will have changed and you will still be a danger to your OH.

DylanO

meritaten wrote: »

I think that when your husband grabbed you it triggered panic. you became scared and reacted the way you would have during the abusive relationship. I would think hard if this is the way you felt or was there another reason?
your OH is still coming back and is giving you some space while not entirely abandoning you - perhaps he understands more than you think?
I doubt the police will actually charge your OH, but you could phone and ask if they are following it up.
Guilt is a negative emotion hun - I can understand right now you feel bad - but you must do something about your over-reaction. counselling perhaps? either by yourself or with OH or a mix of both?
I think you need to understand the cause of how you reacted today and perhaps look to see if you are particularly stressed right now.
good luck

He didn't 'grab' her - he restrained her after she hit him.

It doesn't surprise me that you (a violent domestic abuser) is attempting to place the blame of the victim here. You did the same with your victim.

Bravehearted_2

DylanO wrote: »

He didn't 'grab' her - he restrained her after she hit him.

It doesn't surprise me that you (a violent domestic abuser) is attempting to place the blame of the victim here. You did the same with your victim.

Precisely!!!

The hypocrisy is disgusting.

property.advert

Gotta be whiter than white with cherries and bells on before some folk will accept "wimmin" are capable of being anything other than the victim.

My advice, as always, is for him to run, not walk and don't look back.

Then, next time (if he dares to try another female), to make 100% sure he is not dealing with damaged goods. It just isn't worth the hassle or risk to deal with the mentally unstable.

Sparklebabey

City_girl wrote: »

I know I need anger management. I don't want to be in this situation again which is why I am going to get help.

Interesting you are only saying this now - you know, when you think he is going to leave you.

Isn't this what your ex would do - promise to change after an outburst?

I am with others on this that he should pack a bag and never come back. You were selfish to enter into a marriage when you clearly knew you had issues with relationships.

And if anyone (particularly the female posters) think this behaviour is 'excusable' due to the OP's past, ask yourself what answer you would be giving if this poster had posted and the roles were reversed - would you be telling her to hang around whilst her ex got himself sorted out? And in that time she would be at risk?

No wonder the police are wary to get involved in domestic disputes if they are getting called for things like this....hopefully there wasn't someone in dire need of assistance the other side of town whilst they were dealing with being called as a husband had the good sense to restrain his wife.

shelley_crow

I have to agree with the other posters, you need professional help to work through your issues. While you consider seperating while this happens? It isn't a healthy relationship for either of you now, you have to be aware that calling the police on your husband when he hasn't actually done anything could have serious ramifications for him in the future, mud sticks and personally I wouldn't want to run the risk of false accusations following me around.

You need to work on yourself at the moment and it's not fair or safe to put your husband in this position again. Do you think he'll come back?

benb76

I really hope for his sake that he leaves you. Women who physically abuse their husbands are evil, as most know that the man is powerless to retaliate because the consequences of hitting a woman. The police will always get the man to leave the house, no matter who is the perpetrator, so the fact that you've called them in this case makes you even worse.