Where to live after marriage?

AFiancee

I've been reading some of the threads on this board about sharing money with Partners etc, rent, mortgage payments and all.

My situation is that we are getting married in October and still not decided on where we are going to live.
Current situation,
I have a house, which I bought within the last year, so mortgages, rates and bills to pay on that regardless of if we live in it or not (my preference is that we do live in it)
OH - has a house (Not mortgaged, but bought for him to live in by an relative who on paper is the half owner of the house (despite having paid for it all) and currrently pays most of the bills for that house). OH's preference is to live there..

(The side issue is that the houses are also in 2 different areas, so its not simply a decision of which house we live in, but also in what area, but for this discussion I'm ignoring that area for now)

My prefence is to live in my (which would become our - as I would add him to the mortgage, deeds and all) house, as we have full say over the house, not beholding to anyone else (Relative reguarly arranges maintenance, gardening etc for OH's house without asking) and no worries about what should happen should the relative want to sell, move in, charge rent or whatever. These scenarios are not likely but even the unlikely is possible and I would worry about it.
OH would ideally like to buy his relative out, but we are not yet in position to be able to do that, and it would be a very long time before we were.

From a financial point of view, my ideal finances would always be that all money is put into the pot, bills paid, a proportion to savings, and the remainder spilt equally between both of us.
However, if we do live in OH's house would it be fair the the mortgage, rates etc for "my" house are included in the bills.
Or even if we live in my house, would this be fair?

This does seem like a bit of a ramble, but I would be interested in hearing other peoples views?

Tiddlywinks

This is the most basic of decisions for a couple about to commit the rest of their lives to each other.

Have you just sat down and talked about it? How did the conversation go?

If you find this hard to discuss and agree on then how will you decide on children, their names, their care, all of the big stuff in the future?

What do you want us to say? What advice do you want?

AFiancee

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

This is the most basic of decisions for a couple about to commit the rest of their lives to each other.

Have you just sat down and talked about it? How did the conversation go?

If you find this hard to discuss and agree on then how will you decide on children, their names, their care, all of the big stuff in the future?

What do you want us to say? What advice do you want?

Yes, we have discussed it and we both listen to the others point of view, but the financial part of the discussion tends to get over looked by the fact the 2 houses are in 2 seperate areas, which makes it more an emotional decision

I'm just trying to be more objective about the decison and remove the emotiong regarding where we live form

Dunroamin

Which property is more convenient for your jobs?

If you don't live in yours you could obviously rent it out, could you do this with his?

tea_lover

I don't really get why you've just bought a house if you're getting married and haven't decided where to live... but I guess that's not really the issue.

Which is more convenient for work? Which would be easier to rent out?

Desperado99

If neither of you are happy living in either house, Maybe you should sell up and buy somewhere entirely new.......

AFiancee

To answer a few of your questions.

Job wise - one of us has to change jobs, as his is more convienient to his, mine is more convienient to mine, however his is only temporary, but it temporary on going. He is looking for a permanent job, and would take one in any area, and live away during the week if necessary. I am also job hunting for jobs in my field closer to his house. But TBH, its not much on an incentive to look for a job, when if successful means I have to move.

I don't think we could rent his out, as it is not completely his. As we are only paying a mortgage on one house regardless of where we are living for the immeadiate future, neither would be rented out initally (even if possible) as we would regularly be spending time in the other at weekends, holidays etc.

I bought the house before we were engaged (it took 6 months for it to complete though), as although I did know he planned on proposing at some stage, it could have been 2 months, 2 years time, 5 years time, and I needed somewhere to live in the meantime and also I have always wanted the security of owning my house, it is a major achievement for me.

lowlitmemory

It sounds like it would be better to live in 'your' house, seeing as his job is only temporary and he needs to look for a new one ANYWAY.

But, having said that, we've only really had your side of the story. Nevertheless it seems to make most sense for him to move. Maybe make a pro/con list and show him?

AFiancee

Desperado99 wrote: »

If neither of you are happy living in either house, Maybe you should sell up and buy somewhere entirely new.......

We considered this and moving half way in between, but decided against it, as then neither of us would be near family, friensds etc, so it is better to have at least one set of family close by, and also, that would be near to neither of our jobs, we would be 50mile away from each!
Its just of a case of deciding where we live.

We obviously can't sell his as it is not actaully owned by him, so what is really to be gained by selling mine?

Tiddlywinks

AFiancee wrote: »

Yes, we have discussed it and we both listen to the others point of view, but the financial part of the discussion tends to get over looked by the fact the 2 houses are in 2 seperate areas, which makes it more an emotional decision

I'm just trying to be more objective about the decison and remove the emotiong regarding where we live form

Most decisions in a relationship will have emotion attached - dealing with that is part of the compromise that comes with sharing your life.

Based on the facts as you've provided them, your choices appear to be:

1. Use your house as it is closer to your work (which is a permanent position) but your OH will have to move area and find another job

2. Use his house - although his position is temporary but ongoing and you then find another job

3. Continue to live apart

4. Your OH gives up his interest (which he has never financed anyway) in his place and moves into yours. You get to keep your job, he finds another plus there is no worry about a second property.

5. Your OH gives up his place, you sell yours and you both start afresh in whatever area suits you both.

I'm really struggling to understand why you two can't just sit and work this out. (I'm also struggling about why a grown man who is ready to get married has most of his household bills paid by a relative).

Anyway, the decision needs to be based on practical stuff like:

1. Jobs - Who has the best income and most stable position - in this economic climate a stable job is a valuable asset

2. Property costs - work out the cost of getting rid against keeping each property and how this will impact on your finances and future aspirations.

If you find it difficult to agree on this then I do wonder how you will manage with the rest of the decisions that life throws at you - this should be settled by now surely... the wedding is only 4 months away.

Desperado99

Are they of a similar size? I'm thinking more of in a few years time when you might have children.

Also, would I be right in assuming that you would rent yours out if you lived at his rather than sell it? as you say, you wouldn't gain anything by selling it.

It all seems rather complicated