Feel such a skinflint!

dontone

Don't feel bad OP, you did him a favour.
My DH was a s*d for footing the bill for everybody. Especially my IL's which included my BIL. Anytime we went for a meal or ordered food at ther house, his hand would go into his pocket and pay for everything, and they would just let him. All of them are better off than us.
In other cases my MIL grabs the receipt and works out exactly how much they should be paying. I don't think they have ever offered to pay for our meal. BIL just sticks a tenner in no matter what he had. Many times I have had to bite my tongue when my DH brings out the cash as not to cause a scene. If fact, I think you had a lot of guts to stand up and say "No" in front of everybody.
But now, since I'm not working atm, I've had to put my foot down and anytime a meal is mentioned, I've told my DH that under no circumstances do we pay for everybody's meals, only ours.
While some men are generous, and there is nothing wrong with that, they have to understand sometimes that their partners aren't exactly chuffed when you have other things to pay for and they are forking out money for others to benefit.
So, as I said, don't feel bad. You realise, and your DH needs to know, that other things, atm, take priority.
And as mojoworking suggested all he needs to say is "no can do guys, the missus!" and that's the end of it

BitterAndTwisted

You were at a PARTY when it was decided to order food and your husband was the only one with cash to pay for it? What kind of party was this and what kind of idiots were they who would decide to order food when no-one had the means to pay?

The damned host should have supplied the food, and if they couldn't afford it should have asked IN ADVANCE for people to please bring a contribution.

However, I know the real problem here is your husband. I would be mad as hell (to put it mildly) that he coughed up for a load of food no-one was in dire need of rather than being able to afford shoes for his own children. If he doesn't buck his idea up I'd be threatening to show him the door.

j.e.j.

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

Basically i think i went too far this weekend, refusing to pay for a takeaway for other people, publicly infront of everyone.
We were at a party when it was decided to order food, my husband however, being the only one with cash to pay for it. In front of everyone I refused to pay the full amount, and now I feel like a tightwad, and i think my husband was embarrased. He had 2 days previous done the same which again cost us £20. The party was a special occassion to celebrate my husbands friends birthday.
This weekend we will have spent £40 on take away food, even though my children needed new shoes yesterday and ive had to pay for them on the credit card.
I hate being this way but my husband has been on a reduced wage for a while, and i feel that money concerns over whelm me. I know I should have just paid it to avoid looking like this, but I cant seem to relax around money, especially when my husband spends it like it means nothing!
Arrghhh!! I cant stop thinking about it!:(

Are you embarrassed about what you said, or was it more how you said it? It doesn't seem unreasonable to not want to pay for everyone's food (unless they were going to pay you back?). Or perhaps your husband has given them the impression that he has enough money and doesn't mind paying?

claire16c

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

Basically i think i went too far this weekend, refusing to pay for a takeaway for other people, publicly infront of everyone.
We were at a party when it was decided to order food, my husband however, being the only one with cash to pay for it. !

Surely someone could have paid with a card over the phone and then your DH could have contributed some cash towards it? And what kind of party doesnt have any food?

alwaysbrassic

There were problems with the timing of food which meant someone suggested takeaway instead. As there were quite a few people (20plus) at the party I panicked at the thought of paying for loads of food when with a bit of patience the food would be ready. It was my husbands friend who suggested it (who had no money), and my husband was soon the ordering. In the end only a few people ordered, my husband went halves with someone else. Even so we still went halves on food that was shared out between others when there was no need.
I definitely think I could have approached it better though, I was just angry that we had already spent money 2 days earlier and not seen a penny back.

dontone

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

There were problems with the timing of food which meant someone suggested takeaway instead. As there were quite a few people (20plus) at the party I panicked at the thought of paying for loads of food when with a bit of patience the food would be ready. It was my husbands friend who suggested it (who had no money), and my husband was soon the ordering. In the end only a few people ordered, my husband went halves with someone else. Even so we still went halves on food that was shared out between others when there was no need.
I definitely think I could have approached it better though, I was just angry that we had already spent money 2 days earlier and not seen a penny back.

I must say, that someone who had no money, for him to suggest getting a take out, was taking the wee-wee.
I would have been annoyed too OP, so don't beat yourself up about it.

londonsurrey

Bottom line, simply appearing to be a big man in front of everyone doesn't make you actually a big man.

Putting appearances before feeding your family makes you a small man.

antw23uk

Ok i havent read other peoples replies yet but wow you seriously did yourself no favours im afraid.

I TOTALLY understand your frustrations so i am certainly not saying you were in the wrong but there are ways of handling things, and to publicly 'kick off' about it makes you a complete party pooper

Your husband must understand how you feel, you have to talk to him. You both need to be on the same page so when things like this are mentioned/ situations occur you both know your answers will be the same and that is money stays in your pocket and if people are hungry let them pay for their own food.

I think your reputation is a bit damaged to be honest, sorry

jfh7gwa

There's a bigger problem here than you putting your foot down in public about paying for other people's food.

What kind of father/husband is so disconnected from his family's financial wellbeing that he thinks it's acceptable to spend household income on takeaway food when his own children's shoes cannot be paid for?

You need to sit down with your husband, and have a heart to heart, because he needs to get on board with the finance program here.

Your biggest enemy isn't takeaway food, or peer pressure, or the crappy party hosters... it's that your husband doesn't appear to be on the same wavelength as you. He needs to shape up - fast, or he's just going to drag your finances down.

Budgeting is hard enough without having to do battle about spending with your own frigg!g partner/father of your kids. He needs to man up.

January20

antw23uk wrote: »

I think your reputation is a bit damaged to be honest, sorry

When you have no money to feed your kids because your husband wanted to be a big man and look generous in front of his friends, reputation has NO value whatsoever!

OP, I don't think you should be embarrassed at all. After reading your second post, it just sounds like some people were too impatient to wait for the food to be cooked and they were quite happy to scrounge from other people to get fed. Even if there was a promise to pay some or all of the money back. I read a thread in dfw yesterday where a poster had spent money after a promise of cash from a relative, promise that never materialised.

If you are in a tight financial situation, or are just worried about the future of your jobs etc, it's a no brainer really! As someone else said earlier, with £40 I can get food for over a week.

I think you need to speak to your husband and make sure you don't find yourself in this situation again. He really need to grasp the seriousness of the situation and understand that if you have no cash to buy shoes for your kids, you have no cash for frivolous things such as take aways.

And if your friends fall out with you over this, they weren't real friends in the first place.

Don't feel bad. Don't feel ashamed. Feel proud that you stood up for your family when your hubby was weak and happy to go along with what his friends wanted regardless.