Feel such a skinflint!

alwaysbrassic

Basically i think i went too far this weekend, refusing to pay for a takeaway for other people, publicly infront of everyone.
We were at a party when it was decided to order food, my husband however, being the only one with cash to pay for it. In front of everyone I refused to pay the full amount, and now I feel like a tightwad, and i think my husband was embarrased. He had 2 days previous done the same which again cost us £20. The party was a special occassion to celebrate my husbands friends birthday.
This weekend we will have spent £40 on take away food, even though my children needed new shoes yesterday and ive had to pay for them on the credit card.
I hate being this way but my husband has been on a reduced wage for a while, and i feel that money concerns over whelm me. I know I should have just paid it to avoid looking like this, but I cant seem to relax around money, especially when my husband spends it like it means nothing!
Arrghhh!! I cant stop thinking about it!:(

kj*daisy

If it wasn't a " could you pay for it and we will pay you back when we can get some cash out" situation and you could trust you would get paid back, then I don't know why you feel bad, sounds quite reasonable to want to put shoes on your kids feet before food into freinds bellies.

Dunroamin

Why was a takeaway being ordered at a party; wasn't there food provided?

If your husband was the only one with cash, why on earth did he admit to it?

gunsandbanjos

It sounds like your husband needs a wake up call and has probably ignored any previous attempts by you to reason with him. Sometimes you need to say things in public to get through to people. Why should he get to act the big man and pay for all the food For your mates while you scrape together for the kids shoes?

£40 for 2 takeaways in 2 days:eek: I can get my entire weeks groceries pretty much for that.

Gigglepig

If you are concerned about seeming tight - Next time you visit the friends, bring some homemade goodies to share with everyone. Plenty of ways of being generous within one's means.

Main problem though would be to discuss with OH the financial situation and how to deal with it AND how to deal with with you feeling overwhelmed.

RAS

alwaysbrassic wrote: »

The party was a special occassion to celebrate my husbands friends birthday.

So why did the friend not provide food? Or ask people to bring a dish to share?

MrsManda

If your husband was expected to pay for it entirely I can see why you were annoyed and it sounds like you need to speak to your husband about your household finances.

I often end up paying for food/drinks when cash is required because I carry cash whereas my husband and most of my friends rarely do but it is never an expectation that I'll foot the bill. Rather, I pay for it at the time and get cash or bank transfers from my friends to pay me back. Similarly, often one person will put the entire bill for a meal out on their credit card and get cash/bank transfers from everyone else later to save faffing in the restaurant.

I would never expect someone to pay for everything unless they'd offered to do so at the beginning and neither would any of my family/friends. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding? It's definitely worth speaking to your husband and discussing your worries and working out a system.

thehappybutterfly

It's definitely a pride thing with some people, esp. men - having to admit that they're having money problems. I know my hubby hates the thought of anyone knowing about our financial situation - I've told a few personal close friends but none of our 'couple' friends or hubby's family are aware. Which is very difficult as our couple friends assume everything is A-OK and ask us to various dos and days out and I have to button my lip when I'm chatting with my MIL. She's having her own financial nightmares and I'd love to share our experiences but out of respect for hubby, I can't.

There's no shame in being careful with money in this day and age - in fact, we should all be proud of our thrifty ways!

I think you need to discuss your your concerns with your OH - if only to avoid these situations. You definitely need to both be on the same page - you can't give your friends and family mixed messages as it'll be you who'll be perceived as mean and a tightwad. A united front is required. You'll probably have to spell it out though - you're not banning ALL spending - just the frivolities like takeaways for your friends!

Dunroamin

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

It's definitely a pride thing with some people, esp. men - having to admit that they're having money problems.!

He didn't need to admit to having money problems, he just had to say that, like everyone else, he wasn't carrying cash!

thehappybutterfly

Dunroamin wrote: »

He didn't need to admit to having money problems, he just had to say that, like everyone else, he wasn't carrying cash!

That's very true! That's my excessive honesty trait....... I find myself justifying every decision I make, particularly when I say no to someone.

Mojoworking

You've done him a favour, now in that situation again he can put his hands up and say "no can do guys, the missus!" - and I know he shouldn't blame you but it is a hell of a lot easier than having to say your skint!

PS I know it's not right, but lets face it - we all love a get out clause.