Should I pay for this? What's fair?

londonsurrey

I like the idea of sending him a proportion of the child benefit. I'm sure it's way below what he envisages, but there is no way he can look good if he tries to argue for more!

Marisco

Why is he not giving you CM? Normally I would never recommend anyone going to the CSA, a private arrangement is always preferable. But if he's not coughing up, then I'd inform them, and with 6 kids you would be entitled to 25% of his wage (with variations for time spent overnight etc)

I certainly wouldn't be giving him any money to have his own kids, if he paid CM fair enough, but otherwise, no! Even if it meant I couldn't go away, I hate any sort of blackmail, be it financial or emotional (we had enough of it with oh's ex, till my foot "went down"!!)

If you give in now, when you just want to go for a "jollie" (mind, I am presuming here! ) just imagine the size of the barrel he'd have you over, if it was something serious like a hospital stay?

VfM4meplse

OP - I'm fascinated as to how you managed to have 6 children with such a selfish oaf? If he plays up I would just refuse access in the future.

BitterAndTwisted

Looks like half of this tribe of kids have declined their own access already. Still, playing those sorts of games rarely has the end-result people hope for, it just makes like for stressful and unpleasant for everyone.

The children staying are aged 4, 6 and 13 so any money that's handed over (and I reckon it should be the CB worked out on a daily basis) needs to be given in plain view and hearing of the children going.

People who are that ruthless and uncaring are rarely ones with any sense of decency or shame, so you either pay up or the kids don't go, as it seems he won't give a stuff either way, really. I most certainly would not be sending any food-parcels over or getting online shopping delivered. This bum needs to go out and fetch it for himself. I have a vague feeling that he's looking for cash so he can take them to fast-food places rather than shifting himself to do any actual cooking for the kids. "Hey! We're all going to McDs! Isn't Daddy great!"

tescobabe69

As I'm sure you are aware, the taxpayer supplies money for you to bring up your children, no matter who administers that cash it is for your children, assuming you do not pass on the money what are you going to do with it ?
As I understand it your ex, on benefits, will be receiving the bare minimum to get by (like all benefit recipients), where will he get the extra money from to look after the kids ? Should he go without himself whilst you are away ?

Penny-Pincher!!

tescobabe69 wrote: »

As I understand it your ex, on benefits, will be receiving the bare minimum to get by (like all benefit recipients), where will he get the extra money from to look after the kids ?

You're having a laugh aren't you! He can't be doing that bad if he has a car and buys speakers and spoilers etc. Surely if he can fritter money away for these non-essentials, then why shouldn't he contribute towards his kids!

Penny-Pincher!!

VfM4meplse wrote: »

OP - I'm fascinated as to how you managed to have 6 children with such a selfish oaf? If he plays up I would just refuse access in the future.

Sounds like he may of only been good in one dpt;):D

mazza111

tescobabe69 wrote: »

As I'm sure you are aware, the taxpayer supplies money for you to bring up your children, no matter who administers that cash it is for your children, assuming you do not pass on the money what are you going to do with it ?
As I understand it your ex, on benefits, will be receiving the bare minimum to get by (like all benefit recipients), where will he get the extra money from to look after the kids ? Should he go without himself whilst you are away ?

So it's ok for an NRP to pay nothing towards child maintenance and that's ok? He can run a car, buy spoilers etc, Can't feed them for a couple of days?

Of course if it was my x you were referring to, he can afford to go to the states at least once a year so why shouldn't he feed his kids for a couple of days.

Are you for real?

tescobabe69

Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »

You're having a laugh aren't you! He can't be doing that bad if he has a car and buys speakers and spoilers etc. Surely if he can fritter money away for these non-essentials, then why shouldn't he contribute towards his kids!

I'm sorry, are you suggesting that the benefit system gives people too much money ?

GobbledyGook

I'd give him the child benefit for those few days and tell him to keep that weeks £5 maintenance as well.