Should I pay for this? What's fair?

peachyprice

Well if he was paying you maintenance for your children he could have deducted a small amount to cover petrol, food etc for the weekend, but as he isn't tough titties, he'll just have to get on with it.

I can't believe the above posters who send/would send food if their children are staying with their NRP. Can these men really not be trusted to even provide food for their own children?

kj*daisy

How far is school, if you are worried aboUt him backing out, offer to put some petrol in car, not a whole tank though if school is very close, just £10. And send them with some cereal,tins beans, pasta, tuna, loaf of bread etc basics so he can't say he has nothing to feed them. I don't think you should have to do this, and can't believe his attitude,but at least it's better than handing the cheeky s*d some cash!!

mazza111

peachyprice wrote: »

Well if he was paying you maintenance for your children he could have deducted a small amount to cover petrol, food etc for the weekend, but as he isn't tough titties, he'll just have to get on with it.

I can't believe the above posters who send/would send food if their children are staying with their NRP. Can these men really not be trusted to even provide food for their own children?

In a word, no. He would just refuse to have the kids. Which would deprive many of having a weekend break etc. I wouldn't send money. A lot of people don't have families they can call on for support when it comes to watching the children. Jeez my x even asked for food money for the wee man when he was going there after school on the run up to Christmas when I was working 70 hours a week.

For my x, I suppose it's fair enough, he's on benefits. Actually I don't think it's fair enough, I think it's downright pathetic, but can understand it. The bit that got me was that he didn't have the balls to ask himself but told the wee man I'd have to send food round because he couldn't afford to pay me maintenance and pay for food for him :mad: Cos the £5/week would make all the difference to food bills....

For me it's a choice of sending round a food parcel or not getting away for a weekend, then the weekend wins every time.

shop-to-drop

How important is your trip away? I wouldn't be going anywhere and leaving the kids with him. How did you manage to have six kids with him and not realise what an irresponsible father he would be? Has he changed that much?

BitterAndTwisted

He's trying to blackmail you, obviously. It all depends on whether you might be able to make alternative arrangement for the children if he threatens to refuse to have them if you don't cough up.

My own feeling is that I would probably give him some money, but only grudgingly and not very much either.

Honestly, how low can people stoop? Pretty subterranean by all accounts. It's shocking, really

moos_mummy_2

If you can't trust him not to spend the money on him self then I would either do an online shop to be delivered to his house or go shopping and take the food round to his and take his car to fill it with petrol

but really as they are his children he should be glad they want to stay with him and put his hand in his pocket and pay for them

londonsurrey

In answer to your question, you shouldn't have to, and it isn't fair.

But the bottom line seems to be that your ex is a poor excuse for a human being, with none of the necessary dangly bits to even be upfront about being a scrounger, let alone anything near a dad.

However, he seems to be your current "least worst" option of a babysitter, and the price is some petrol money and a hamper of food.

So, it's not fair.
I suppose the best way to stomach it would be to think of him as just a babysitter, not their dad, and that's the price.

MissMonkeyMoo

hey, I'd like to echo one of the questions above - is walking to and from school not an option? And if he has a car, then how does he manage to keep it running in any case? I am sure he would find the money for petrol if it was a journey that he wanted to make. Are there any other parents that you could arrange lifts to and from school through?

I totally understand where other posters are coming from saying that it's not fair but that if you want soem time away you may have to give him some money but personally, I just wouldn't! It's disgusting that he gives you nothing for their upkeep then expects you to hand over money to him. If you really must, buy in basic food staples as others have suggested above and take those round to him, but don't fill up his car with petrol or give him cash cos you know that it won;t get used on the kids!

podperson

It's definately not fair hun, and personally I would say so to him.
But then from what you've said it sounds like he's the type to then be petty and refuse to take them - so if he does do this then where would you stand, would the kids be able to stay with someone else or would you just not be able to go away? If it's the latter then you might just have to 'put up' for the sake of having a break and send them round with food to see them over the few days and take him to put some fuel in the car.

princessdreamer

Being me I would say yeah sure I'm a bit short at the moment so will give yu the cash when I get back, you could even get him to keep reciepts.