please help me deal with seperation

trying-my-hardest

My husband moved out on Saturday. it has been an unhappy unhealthy relationship for us and this hs effected our children for a long time..so there really is no going back. i know in my head this is the right thing, but i am a complete mess, i feel like i have broken into pieces, the pain is unbearable and i just want to curl up and die. please help me, has anyone got any advice to get me through this, stories of coming out the other side better. i have lots of good friends supporting me but i just need him:-(

moneypuddle

*Hugs*

You WILL come out the other side. I am a big believer in 'everything happens for a reason' and a year or two from now you may look back at your relationship with maybe some fond memories, but you'll have moved on.

McKneff

You don't need him. You said yourself its been an unhappy unhealthy relationship. Its affected the kids. Why do you need that.

Concentrate on the kids and what it will mean for them not to have to watch what was happening.

Up and at' 'em.

Good luck to you, now is the time to start living a 'normal' life.

Debt_Free_Chick

It's a normal reaction to rejection/abandonment. Even though you can rationalise it in your head as the right thing, abandonment brings out very raw emotions.

I suggest you simply let it all leech out of you, but don't over-indulge. If you can afford it, professional counselling (CBT) can be immensely helpful as it helps you to change the way you feel about yourself.

meer53

No ! You don't need him, this is what you have to stop thinking.

Been there, done that, i never wanted it to happen but to be honest, it was the best thing that ever happened to me and my kids (apart from having them of course !) I thought i needed him too, i was soooo wrong. I wouldn't have him back now if he looked like Brad Pitt and had just won the Euromillions lottery.

It will take you time to come to the realisation that him leaving is a good thing. They say it takes about one month for every year you were together to accept whats happened. This worked out about right for me, it took me about 2 years to finally accept that i was now much happier than i was before.

Yes, it sounds like a long time, but the easiest way to deal with it is to take it a day at a time. Some days i was fine, others i didn't want to get out of bed or see or speak to anyone. That's normal. Just concentrate on your children and make sure that you eat well and get enough sleep (if you can)

It really does get easier as time goes by. My ex has just "popped in" unannounced, and taken my daughter out for an hour, at first, i wouldn't even let him through the door ! I now class him as a good friend, (despite what he did, you can't go though life hating someone forever) 10 years ago, i honestly thought i couldn't live without him. Well, i can, and i have, and you will be able to too.

Try not to look backwards and torment yourself about whose fault it was, look forward instead, imagine that the day he left was the start of YOUR new life. Because thats exactly what it is, it's quite exciting really, it's YOUR chance to be who you are and do what you want.

trying-my-hardest

thank you for all of your lovely replies and thank you so much meer53, that was exactly what i needed to hear xx

themull1

My husband left me in January 2011, and i felt the same as you, but it does get easier over time, he has moved on and bought a house with his girlfriend, and i'm living with a lovely man in my house!! when i see my ex now, i have no feelings for him at all.

Stay strong, you will be upset, but eventually it will ease..x

trying-my-hardest

thanks themull x

trying-my-hardest

I am feeling a bit stronger today, still shaking and feeling sick, but no tears yet and I've managed a bite to eat. I think having to put a front on for the children is helping, a way of forcing myself out of it. x I kept re-reading your replies yesterday to give me strength, and it really helped, so please keep them coming.

MissMonkeyMoo

hey, just wanted to offer my support too, it really is a cliche but time is great healer! I know that it really hurts at the moment and there will be times when you will feel better and then the next minute feel wretched again, but all you can do is go with your feelings and try to ride it out. yes, it hurts and it will for aw hile yet but this is a greiving process and you will come out the other side a stronger person. Try, if you can, not to dwell on what has happened or any negative thoughts but focus on the future and perhaps building a good relationship with your ex - not only for your childrens sake but for yours as well.

Wishing you all the best x

Debt_Free_Chick

trying-my-hardest wrote: »

I am feeling a bit stronger today, still shaking and feeling sick, but no tears yet and I've managed a bite to eat. I think having to put a front on for the children is helping, a way of forcing myself out of it. x I kept re-reading your replies yesterday to give me strength, and it really helped, so please keep them coming.

Just don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day. You will have them, but allow yourself time.