Have you ever not seen your children? How did you cope?

RainbowDreamer

E2006 wrote: »

Hopefully you get this sorted at the next hearing. Do the children live with you and have contact with him or is it a shared care arrangement?

E

The children lived with me until the recent hearing 3 weeks ago. Due to him making accussations and involving the police and due to my solicitor making an error he was given temporary custody and 4 nights a week.
My solicitor has since apologised for that, but the damage is now done.
And it has given him even more confidence now that he feels in control.

RainbowDreamer

marywooyeah wrote: »

it's called a warning notice - am suprised you don't already have one as they are becoming standard on contact orders now. it sounds like a terrible situation I'm so sorry you are going through this although the good news is you shouldnt have any trouble getting the PSO after the way he is acting. the fact there are bank holidays don't help either as this will delay the court lists but I wish you well for the hearing xxx

The only sort of warning I can see on the contact order is where it says if you fail to keep to the contact order you can be fined, imprisoned or your contact taken away. I have spoken to the police and they confirmed they cannot help me. Only a judge in court can help me.

cte1111

Sorry for your awful situation.

I have been separated from my DD when she was little, I worked away from home for a while so was away during the week. I know this isn't at all the same but you asked how other people coped when they were separated. I coped best by not having photos of her around, not talking about / thinking about her too much and keeping busy.

I think you might also be depressed, unsurprisingly. Perhaps it would be an idea to see your GP and talk to them to see if counselling or anti-depressants could help get you through this difficult time.

Are there are any support groups for parents separated from their children? I found this one that might help: http://www.separatedfamilies.info/index.php There might be other ones local to you who could help by talking to people in similar circumstances.

RainbowDreamer

Thanks cte111. I suppose its harder because I have to walk past the childrens bedrooms to go to the loo, they have their toy boxes in the livingroom and so on.
The gp wanted to put me on antidepressants but I have refused. The ex has used everything else against me, the last thing I want is him painting me as unstable.
I know the chances are slim of this happening, but still I do not want to chance it.
Though atm I am on Zyban for quitting smoking, which is also an antidepressant. And since a week of taking it, it feels like its helped a little.

Blackpool_Saver

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

The children lived with me until the recent hearing 3 weeks ago. Due to him making accussations and involving the police and due to my solicitor making an error he was given temporary custody and 4 nights a week.
My solicitor has since apologised for that, but the damage is now done.
And it has given him even more confidence now that he feels in control.

What accusations? what error?

shegirl

E2006 wrote: »

Hopefully you get this sorted at the next hearing. Do the children live with you and have contact with him or is it a shared care arrangement?

E

The father has recently been granted temporary residency.

Sorry for butting in but I think it's something that should be mentioned

RainbowDreamer

accussations of someone hitting one of my children. bruises were present that were not there when the children were handed over to their father. he waited 4 days to make the reports.
The error was made that my solicitor thought he had agreed with ex's solicitor that I had the same contact as before, whereas infact it was a day less.
The judge gave temp residensy to the parent with the most access.
Yet again I was too weak and stupid to stand up in the court room infront of the judge and mention the error. I am forever manipulated by him and giving in to his control. Which is stupid, but its habit, something I am used to and something I am trying very hard to fight against.

marywooyeah

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

The only sort of warning I can see on the contact order is where it says if you fail to keep to the contact order you can be fined, imprisoned or your contact taken away. I have spoken to the police and they confirmed they cannot help me. Only a judge in court can help me.

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

The children lived with me until the recent hearing 3 weeks ago. Due to him making accussations and involving the police and due to my solicitor making an error he was given temporary custody and 4 nights a week.
My solicitor has since apologised for that, but the damage is now done.
And it has given him even more confidence now that he feels in control.

yes the paragraph you mention is a warning notice - when you said there was a contact order in place I thought you meant in his favour eg the children resided with you, he had contact but had kept them. if the Judge has granted temporary residence to dad then the contact in the order will be towards you - is this correct? The Judge will take into account an error made by your solicitor so that will count against the solicitor and not you personally. I know this must be horrible for you but if you can I would make a note of all the times you have phoned for your telephone contact and he has refused to promote it as this could prove useful at the next hearing. x

amyloofoo

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

accussations of someone hitting one of my children. bruises were present that were not there when the children were handed over to their father. he waited 4 days to make the reports.
The error was made that my solicitor thought he had agreed with ex's solicitor that I had the same contact as before, whereas infact it was a day less.
The judge gave temp residensy to the parent with the most access.
Yet again I was too weak and stupid to stand up in the court room infront of the judge and mention the error. I am forever manipulated by him and giving in to his control. Which is stupid, but its habit, something I am used to and something I am trying very hard to fight against.

IIRC your ex alleged that your current boyfriend had hit your children, so you're no longer living together in order not to jeopardise the ongoing custody proceedings? If you're confident that the bruises didn't occur when the children were in your care, and they're not the usual children-are-clumsy-and-will-bruise-themselves type of injuries then have you reported your concerns to social services? You'd previously said that you couldn't get an emergency hearing at the court unless there were concerns about the children's safety... if they're receiving unexplained injuries in the care of their father (was he ever physically abusive to you?) then surely there should be concerns?

RainbowDreamer

Amy my then bf never lived with me. Court asked that i keep him away from the children until the police have an outcome.
I did tell ss the bruising have come from being in dads care. They were not concerned as there is no proof as to where they came from.
I also raised these concerns with the police.
Basically ss did a home visit with both parents & decided they had no concerns with either.
My ex was told if he genuininly thinks that the accused has been around the children he is to report this to ss, but is not to keep the children. Ss would then do an unexpected home visit with me on a day the children were with me.

He has made no reports to ss or police and waited until his solicitor was on holiday for 2 weeks (he had said the week before he was stopping contact, but both ss and his solicitor had advised him against this).

He has also changed the children's gp, health visitor, school etc. Even though we will not have a permenant outcome until Aug.
And last week he moved house. So my poor children now have to cope with staying overnight at his new house, his mums house and his gfs house.