Have you ever not seen your children? How did you cope?

RainbowDreamer

I am getting to the struggling stage. (tbh I am probably way past that now).

My ex kept the kids from me last time for 3 weeks until I took him to court and got them returned. We then had a contact order put in place.

Those 3 weeks were horrible. I hated every minute of it, but somehow I coped.

He has refused to return the children again. I now haven't seen them for 2 weeks.
Yet I am finding that this time I am coping much much less than last time?
I guess I wasn't expecting him to pull this stunt again at the expense of the children.
It is another week and a half until the court hearing. Which is the earliest we could get. And then it will take however many days for him to have to return them.

I feel like I am heartbroken. Like I have lost them. I know I will see them again, but I miss them so much and worry about them constantly.

I am struggling to see people with children, to watch anything or tv about children. I cannot even face my friends at the moment because they are only free with their children. I just end up in tears and feeling miserable.

I have no idea how my children are coping not seeing their mummy for so long. I just hope they are not effected by this too much.

I just want my babies back!

lindsaygalaxy

I thought if it happened once and u had the order put in place if he did it again the police could go get therm? Is there anyway you could get the emergency one (sorry can't remember it's name) but I thought that ha a man quicker turn around.

j.e.j.

I've not been following your other threads, but it sounds like a nightmare situation for you all. Has he pulled this stunt because he's angry he didn't get full custody? The children need stability, and not to be going back and forth between two warring parents.

RainbowDreamer

The police can only enforce a contact order if there is an attachment to the order. Can't remember the name of it, but it means if the order is breached you are arrested. I am asking for that to be included onto the contact order at this next court hearing.

j.e.j yes he is doing this because at the last court hearing he offered me 2 hours a week contact in a supervised contact centre. He seriously thought that the judge would agree to this and was fuming when it did not go his way.

Tbh this is another tactic to gain his "full custody". The annoying thing is while he is keeping the children away from me it is his mother who is looking after them whilst he takes his gf out or whilst he works. So it is not asthough he is spending the full time with the children having quality time with them.

I am hoping at the next hearing the contact order given will be stuck to, to keep stability for the children. But unfortunately cafcass get involved in the next 2 months and we are back in court end of Aug.. which means further changes may then be made. I worry that this will effect my eldest badly who already has to cope with starting school full time in September.

Fosterdog

OP sorry for what you are going through, OH's ex keeps pulling the same stunt and we went a whole year without seeing the kids contact resumed for three months and has been stopped again.

I really hope it can get sorted for you before it gets to that stage. Our situation is bad because now his ex has poisoned the kids against him and he may not get to see them again until they are older and come looking for him.

E2006

I dont post very often, but read the forums daily, so I hope you dont mind me posting. I cant imagine how you are feeling right now, or the poor children.

First things first (and Im aware I dont know the full circumstance, but), you can ask for a hearing on an urgent basis. You issue another application within the existing proceedings and ask the court to abridge time for service to 24 hours. This basically means that a hearing is fixed not less than 24 hours later, but it will be treated as an emergency so a date will be found. There is no way you will be made to wait as long as you currently are.

Secondly, you need a prohibited steps order, prohibiting the removal of the children from your care save for agreed contact - and define the contact arrangements on the order. With such an order the Police can and will become involved if the order is not adhered to because its a form of injunctive relief.

In terms of CAFCASS becoming involved, you may want to ask the court to direct that social services are the agency that prepares the court reports instead. You will get more ongoing support from a social worker than a cafcass officer, and the emotional harm the children must be suffering right now really warrants thats level of professional involvement.

Theres also the option of F's contact in a supervised setting - such as a contact centre, which removes the risk that he will do this again, but this would only be a short term remedy.

I hope this is of some help, and really hope things get sorted out soon for you and the children soon.

Take care.

RainbowDreamer

E2006 the next hearing is for a prohibited steps order.
My solicitor has said this is the earliest hearing we can get. Apparantly you can only get an emergency hearing if the children are in immediate physical danger.

Cafcass are doing home visits mid July.. they then have 1 month to do a report to present to the court. I think I would rather they were involved than ss. ss have been useless I feel. They have believed my ex and have said we are both "good" parents and that they have no concerns. Even though I brought up my concern of the emotional abuse being past on to my eldest.
ss got involved due to ex getting arrested with his kids in the car. Yet they are still not concerned and believe his "I am an awesome father" waffle.

I am just finding it hard to ride this out.

marisco_2

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

Tbh this is another tactic to gain his "full custody". The annoying thing is while he is keeping the children away from me it is his mother who is looking after them whilst he takes his gf out or whilst he works. So it is not asthough he is spending the full time with the children having quality time with them.

I think the way your ex is behaving, with no awareness for his kids welfare and stability, will only go against him in applying for full custody.

This is not about him wanting to be around his kids 24/7 as you clearly point out above OP. This is about having power over you and trying to keep the upper hand.

I dont know how to advise you to stay strong through this awful time. If I were in your shoes I would be struggling terribly too. You have to keep going for your little kids. They love and need you and one day soon all this will be put right, you will all be back together and not living in such fear and upset.

E2006

Hopefully you get this sorted at the next hearing. Do the children live with you and have contact with him or is it a shared care arrangement?

E

marywooyeah

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

The police can only enforce a contact order if there is an attachment to the order. Can't remember the name of it, but it means if the order is breached you are arrested. I am asking for that to be included onto the contact order at this next court hearing.

it's called a warning notice - am suprised you don't already have one as they are becoming standard on contact orders now. it sounds like a terrible situation I'm so sorry you are going through this although the good news is you shouldnt have any trouble getting the PSO after the way he is acting. the fact there are bank holidays don't help either as this will delay the court lists but I wish you well for the hearing xxx

RainbowDreamer

marisco you are right. I have always allowed him to have the children for almost half of the week. Have always worked birthdays and christmas on the basis of us having half the day each. If he wanted them longer for a special occassion I would bend over backwards to accomodate that.

All this started because I stood up to him due to concerns about the children when they were in his care. and of course because I moved on and got a boyfriend he is not happy.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half (well.. had been with him!!). I did not introduce the children to him for about 4 months and did it gradually.
Isn't it funny how there have been no problems with the children around him and all of a sudden when the ex doesnt get his own way in court he accusses my boyfriend of child abuse and tells his son what to say to the police and scares him into saying it.

He then didnt get his own way again in court.. so has left it a few weeks and made more allegations about the boyfriend. He has no evidence. Infact he hasnt even phoned ss or the police or his solicitor. He has just done this off his own back.
He wont even answer the phone for me to talk to the children at the specified time on the contact order. And of course a phone call poses no risk to the children does it?

He has been telling me I need to meet him for a coffee to discuss it all. Making out because I have said no to meeting him it is my own fault I am now not seeing my children.

I wouldnt mind but even throughout all this I still want the children to see their father. I just want it to be in a way that is considering the well being and emotions of the children.