The journey begins.....

FireWyrm

devon67 wrote: »

Thankyou to everyone.
I have found that dealing with finances and putting your 'life' in order is a great cure for insomnia (if you can stop the worrying about it) - all the internet research, juggling, moving things, looking at statements is exhausting.
I know my next question is probably more for a relationship board but I'm sure others have been in a similar situation so here goes....
I had hoped to not break the 'no contact' rule for when partners walk out - and I'm really not the sort to be sending tearful messages or pleadings to come home anyway, but I am feeling quite angry that he can walk away to supposedly greener lands and turn his back on what were 'our' financial responsibilities. Although he has no job at the moment he did have a good pension from the forces and also job seekers allowance so his weekly income is only a little shorter than mine. Even though the debts are in my sole name, we lived as a couple for 10 years so legally, does he have to help now?
Also, wondering if I should break the no contact rule and send him an email or text requesting his help.
Although I'm feeling okay at the moment emotionally, if I start contact so soon I have a feeling that I will find that all very distressing.
Others opinions/thoughts gratefully received:o

Hi Devon

What an absolute b****rd your ex is. Ok, first, the good things. You are single which means that if all the wheels come off, it's only you sleeping rough, not your family too. Looking at your SOA, there are cuts to be made on the food budget and council tax for a start. £160 a month for food is huge for a singleton and there are things you can do with CT as well, give them a ring. I suspect you can reduce your utilities hugely by ensuring everything is turned off and since you'll be at work most of the time, this gets even better.

Giving up smoking. I was up until a few months ago, a smoker, so believe me when I tell you I know what you are going through. However, the cost is prohibitive and right now, you need every penny. I suggest you explore the world of electronic cigarettes which are a lot cheaper overall and frankly, just as ok. You're addicted to the nicotine, not the rest of the rubbish in a fag. The Cigarette Comapny is a good online source of everything you would need.

Paring life down to the bone. Now is the time to cut everything everywhere but it doesn't mean you have a compromise on life. I feed 4 people for £120-150 a month, so you should be able to do it for £60-80. I make everything rather than buy, I batch cook, I freeze single portions for later. I rarely watch TV these days as I work on crafts in the evening. Some to sell, some to give as gifts and some for our own consumption. Nothing is beyond your wit or intelligence and there is plenty of help online from YouTube to Which etc. Now would be the time to think about what you routinely buy and what you could do without or acquire another way.

Your husband. Hmm..the heart is a hard one, but I have to ask whether you could ever trust him again? Besides, the problem won't be you asking him to come back, he'll be back himself in about 3 weeks when he realises that the shopping/cleaning/ironing/cooking fairy doesn't visit. Stay strong. Don't look at it as you are lost and alone, you're actually free. You don't have responsibility for anyone else but yourself. Your children are grown and you have time to do as you please. Enjoy it. It's a challenge, not a disaster.

devon67

Hey all
Car isn't declared off road just yet as its still legally taxed and insured (no sense wasting a quarter tank of fuel).
Ebay - its all going on a bit each weekend - I dont want to be lugging 57 parcels of used underpants, cheesy socks, baldness cream and denture soak to the PO in the pouring rain.
I'm waiting with baited breath for the bank statement to update after the long bank holiday weekend although I have a pretty good idea that its not too healthy but not in the red...yet.
I have also traded in some books at Amazon and will be getting those sent off at the weekend - so excited at the thought of £16 and will be entering ISBN numbers all night now to see what they are worth.
I have also been offered another job and have been invited to the interview on Friday - its more money but more hours and more stress also. So I'm thinking that one over - feel like my life has been shook up a bit already without another major change so soon....
Oh and I found £2 in the bottom of my handbag today and felt really excited about it.
And in my SOA I allowed £10 per week for electric (key meter) - but by being careful, not using the tumble dryer and switching off all the 'standbys' I'm going to cut that in half so another £20 saved a month.
And my sons' GF has just cut my hair for FREEEEEEEEEEEE
Still ok here, no tears yet and sleeping well.
Weight loss to date.....7lb

devon67

FireW - Thank you for your reply. I am seeing it as a challenge and I've always loved a challenge! I think my positive thinking on all of this comes from having being dumped on from an even greater height a few years back and now my immune system has been built up.
CT - I have applied for the discount but the wheels are grinding slowly at my local council - still - it will get backdated from when he left.
Ditto on the water bill - waiting for a survey to install a meter hopefully.
As for oil - that is bare minimum - I live in a rural village - no gas so everything runs on LPG from heating to hot water - and it gets bloody cold down here. However, I do have an open fireplace which will be swept and cleaned this winter in readiness for burning the doors and wardrobes haha.
There is also not a lot of competition in the oil companies so not able to switch supplier - just have to be careful with it and see what I can do for the next oil fill up/bill.

Barbeduk

Yikes we used to have oil and it cost a bloomin' fortune then. I know that this may sound nuts but what about when you're out with the dog you take a rucksack to fill with any odds and ends of wood you come across. I know that sounds really desperate but I do encourage my large lab cross to carry the biggest branches he can home from our walks!! Oh dear, what have I become!! Just means that when the cold winter comes you've got a bit extra fuel. The worst thing is we haven't even got the log burner yet, it's on the list of things to save up for !!

Well done on the weight loss.

Have you thought of starting a diary so we can all keep up with how you're doing?

drowningdepressedindebt

Hi Devon, I'm in similar shoes, partner gone, bucket loads of debt, clinical depression, spent the winter working out suicide plans! I did my soa earlier, no great surprise, you are ahead of me... couldnt even get mine posted I'm so useless on the computer... I live in the middle of nowhere and am completely isolated with no cash.. its a right pig. I'm between the moors and its very cold and damp in the winter, I am lucky that work pays for the oil, so the house is at least warm. I'm about to get hold of an internet savvy chum and start ebaying some clothes and bits of furniture.... at 47 its come to this!!! at least I have my dogs... I have just started to dig a veg patch... big hugs XX I intend to contact a debt charity as my debts are over £45,000.

alyxzandra

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I went from being with my ex and living on £90,000 a year to 1/4 of that when we split up. That was 8 years ago and he was not the nicest person. From there I met my now husband who is a gem. I know about those dark times, but you will make it.

But, you have taken the right step in taking stock of your situation on the financial side and there are wonderful people here to support you. On looking at your SOA I noticed your plumbing/boiler cover is over £300. Is this correct?

magpiedawn

Devon67
Hi:wave:I would like to say you are doing a lot better than i did when hubby left me.
Well done, i am glad you have a furry friend mine was my best friend and always sat and listened to me (even after i had bored all my lovely family)i cried buckets into his furry face and like you we were very fit for a while and walked for miles and miles every day.
Magpie.