The journey begins.....

devon67

Hi all
I have been reading with extreme interest all the tips for handling debt problems and reducing outgoings. Its kept me focused on practical matters and stopped me getting too down about my situation - so I thought I'd take the plunge and post my problems.
I am a middle aged woman who thought her life was sorted. My partner of ten years lost his job a few weeks back and for someone that already suffered from depression/mental health issues it was a bit of a blow for him. He sought 'solace' elewhere (a suspicion, not proven) and when I calmly asked him about this 'friendship' with another woman, he declared that he was not happy and was off - that was a few days ago and there has been no contact since.
Well - okay thats all for a 'relationship' forum but I suppose the background is relevant to my current situation.
As I am the one that has always handled our financial matters, I dont have time to cry right now because I need to keep a roof over my head.
I work full time and take home £260 per week - therefore I am not entitled to help. I (we) have debts totalling £7000 which foolishly are only in my name on credit cards.
I have spent all weekend looking to reduce outgoings to make ends meet - I have applied for a water meter at the house as my current bill of £78 per month is ridiculous. I have applied for single person discount with my council tax, my car is up for sale and I will bus it to work, I have reduced the plan on my mobile phone (contracted for another 18 months or it could go), I have cancelled all the luxury extras, such as online film rental, car breakdown ect). I have moved all my debts to a 0% interest account.
I feel like I have got everything down to a bare minimum which should leave me with pretty much nothing each week so I am also looking for an extra job at the weekends.
I think it all looks okay'ish on paper but the reality will be the final proof - I shall get through month 1 of the direct debits coming out, keep a close eye on the bank statements and keep everything crossed that it stays in the black by 3p.
We never had any 'rainy day' money put by so I'm literally just living off my weekly paypacket - which I know compared to many, is not too bad.
I have two grown up kids - one working away that was my saviour a few days ago when the grinch took off for greener pastures - I had an empty bank account with DD's coming out so he transferred £100 to me. Other son was recently discharged from forces for depression/anxiety reasons and currently receives the basic unemployment benefit. He also has a smaller debt to pay so there is no help with the bills there at the moment. I am also trying not to worry him with any of this as he is only just starting to pick himself up - so Mum keeps smiling and puts a brave face on it all.
Oh the benefit of hindsight - if only I hadnt taken out the loan, if only I had at least made a joint application. If only we had saved instead of wanting things NOW and using a credit card. I'm not going to beat myself up over it, what's done is done and I have to stay positive and focused.
Anyway - I just wanted to say 'Hi' to everyone and introduce myself as I'm sure that I will be around for some time.
Sorry if my post is a bit like splurging my thoughts onto paper as opposed to being really succint about financial problems.
My head is a bit of a fuzzy mess right now and as well as trying to keep us with a roof over our heads I'm also trying to deal with the early days of my relationship being over.
Speak soon and thanks for listening.

sistafromanothermista

Hi and welcome
You've been through a really tough time but you seem to know what to do to try and make this cr*p time a little more bearable financially. I'm sure someone will ask you to post an SOA (found on the 'sticky' at the top of the board) that way people can see if there are any other areas you can try to reduce (although you seem to have this covered)

I know it's hard but try to remain positive and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel however long that tunnel seems right now

You will find so much support on here both financially and emotionally and as you can see from my sig i will be around for a long time too :)



Good luck on your journey.

devon67

Thank you for your kind words - I have done the SOA based around the car being sold as it is just sat in the driveway now and no expenses going on it.
My water bill is still high as they have not installed a meter yet but are coming to survey the property next week.
I know I could save on smoking but right now, I am weak willed and not in the best frame of mind to tackle that too. I have reduced by half though already.
I am putting £100 per month at my debts as I didnt want to 'over stretch' myself initially until I knew that I could manage on my income so I have set them in order - £50 goes towards the biggest one and £25 each to the other two smaller ones. Biggest one is o% for a year and two smaller ones are o% for 6 months so will have to hope another deal comes up by then and move them again.
There is no health/beauty/haircut expenditure as my son's GF is a hairdresser so free cuts! My prescription costs are free as I am insulin dependent diabetic, there is no entertainment/drinking expenditure......but I'm sure I have probably missed something.
Having looked at it all in black and white it looks like I have some left over each month but somehow I dont quite believe that I will have:o
I think the most worrying is not having a small safety net - if something goes wrong, such as the dog needing a vet or the cooker breaks down what do I do? Before, there was someone here to share the worry so it seemed less of a worry - make sense? - now I'm on my own and frankly a little scared by it all.......:(

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b]
Monthly Income Details
Income from Employment (after tax). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1,126.67
Income from Self Employment (before tax). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
State Pension . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Private Pension / Annuity Payout. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Benefits (Inc. Child Benefit/Tax Credits & Income Support). . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Income From Savings & Investments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Gifts From Family / Friends . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Monthly Expense Details
In Your Home
Mobile Phone(s) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25.00
TV Licence. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12.00
Internet. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Home Phone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15.00
Cleaning Products/Cleaner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Garden Maintenance. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Household Maintenance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Oil . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50.00
Electricity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40.00
Gas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Water . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71.00
Council Tax . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100.00
Overdraft Cost. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Bank Account Fee. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Home Insurance. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9.70
Mortgage/Rent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 328.00
Plumbing/Boiler Cover . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Mortgage Life Insurance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Mortgage Payment Protection . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Life Insurance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Food and Household Shopping . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 160.00
Drinks for Home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Motoring & Public Transport
Petrol/Diesel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Parking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Car Tax . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Car Insurance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Car Maintenance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Rail/Bus/Taxi . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60.00
Breakdown Cover . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Debt Repayments
Credit Card Repayments. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100.00
Hire Purchase Repayments. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Personal Loan Repayments. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Car Loan Repayments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Savings & Investments
Pension Payments. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Buying Shares . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Investments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Mini Cash ISAs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Lump Sum Saving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Regular Saving. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Family
Pet Food. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12.00
School Trips. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
School Meals. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Pocket Money. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Nappies/Baby Extras . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Laundry/Dry Cleaning. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Children's Travel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Baby Sitting. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Childcare/Play Groups . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Pet Insurance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Travel Insurance. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Entertainment
Satellite/Digital TV. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Family Days Out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Cinema/Theatre Trips. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Books/Music/Films/Computers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Big Days Out. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Shopping for Fun. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Pet Costs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Hobbies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
IT/Computing (eg Anti-virus etc). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
DVD Rental. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Drinking Out. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Eating Out. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Clothes, Health & Beauty
Complimentary Therapies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Optical Bills . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Haircuts. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Dentistry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Beauty Treatments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Healthcare Cashplans. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Dental Insurance. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Private Medical Insurance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Fitness/Sports/Gym. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Work Clothes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
New Children's Clothes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
New Clothes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Education & Courses
University Tuition Fees . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
School Fees . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Your Courses. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Big One Offs
Funeral Expenses. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Wedding Expenses. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Sofa/Kitchen/TV . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Birthdays . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5.00
Winter Holiday. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Summer Holiday. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Christmas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10.00
Odds & Sods
Newspapers & Magazines. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Tax & NI Provisions (self-employed only). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Regular Charity Donations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Meals at work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00
Smokes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34.67
Coffees/Sandwiches/Snacks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0.00

Total monthly income. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1,126.67

Total monthly expenses. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1,032.37

notatvstar

I totally agree with you - it's pointless beating yourself up over the 'What ifs'. What's important is the focus on the 'Now' and to be honest... you seem a pretty level headed and proactive person so all the best to you. I didn't want to read and run. If you post up your SoA then peeps will come along and red pen areas of 'interest'. Also - take a look at the 'Old School' threads for ideas on cheap recipes etc.

Good luck!

*just seen SoA....

sistafromanothermista

Hi, well it looks as if everything is down to a minimum tbh. Maybe try cheaper recipes or even changing supermarkets can sometimes help.
I also think it's important to treat yourself once a week to keep motivated even a little bar of choccy (diabetic of course):D

Daisypop

Hi Devon67

Dont beat yourself up over anything its really not worth it, I have done the same and am now of the opinion my creditors will get what i can afford, as long as i have shown them proof of everything what else can they do?

Also, i managed to practically cut my shopping bill in half just by getting things at different shops and buying cheaper brands, most are no different to branded items anyway!

You will get there its just a bit daunting at first!

Time_to_face_the_music

Hi devon67 and welcome

Wow fate has been very cruel to you recently, I am truly sorry to hear all of this

Debtwise, you seem to have already got started on doing all the right things. Check out the forums on increasing your income, do you have anything you can sell on ebay? Sign up for some survey sites? Could you be a mystery shopper? There are some really good suggestions there and recently I have discovered that much of our unwanted clutter is someone elses treasure, aka I am astounded what sells on ebay! I have also signed up for Valued Opinions and YouGov surveys, which will earn me vouchers/cash. I did sign up for Swagbucks too but I just don't get it

Good luck and well done on the moves you have already made/set in progress :T

devon67

Thankyou to everyone.
I have found that dealing with finances and putting your 'life' in order is a great cure for insomnia (if you can stop the worrying about it) - all the internet research, juggling, moving things, looking at statements is exhausting.
I know my next question is probably more for a relationship board but I'm sure others have been in a similar situation so here goes....
I had hoped to not break the 'no contact' rule for when partners walk out - and I'm really not the sort to be sending tearful messages or pleadings to come home anyway, but I am feeling quite angry that he can walk away to supposedly greener lands and turn his back on what were 'our' financial responsibilities. Although he has no job at the moment he did have a good pension from the forces and also job seekers allowance so his weekly income is only a little shorter than mine. Even though the debts are in my sole name, we lived as a couple for 10 years so legally, does he have to help now?
Also, wondering if I should break the no contact rule and send him an email or text requesting his help.
Although I'm feeling okay at the moment emotionally, if I start contact so soon I have a feeling that I will find that all very distressing.
Others opinions/thoughts gratefully received:o

925pws

devon67 wrote: »

Thankyou to everyone.
I have found that dealing with finances and putting your 'life' in order is a great cure for insomnia (if you can stop the worrying about it) - all the internet research, juggling, moving things, looking at statements is exhausting.
I know my next question is probably more for a relationship board but I'm sure others have been in a similar situation so here goes....
I had hoped to not break the 'no contact' rule for when partners walk out - and I'm really not the sort to be sending tearful messages or pleadings to come home anyway, but I am feeling quite angry that he can walk away to supposedly greener lands and turn his back on what were 'our' financial responsibilities. Although he has no job at the moment he did have a good pension from the forces and also job seekers allowance so his weekly income is only a little shorter than mine. Even though the debts are in my sole name, we lived as a couple for 10 years so legally, does he have to help now?
Also, wondering if I should break the no contact rule and send him an email or text requesting his help.
Although I'm feeling okay at the moment emotionally, if I start contact so soon I have a feeling that I will find that all very distressing.
Others opinions/thoughts gratefully received:o

Hi Devon
My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. To be honest I'm not 100% sure but as the debts are in your name the creditors would come after you and not your ex. Of course he should contribute towards them as it's the right thing to do, but he doesn't seem to be doing the right thing:( As you say contacting him now might upset you even more, would it be possible to leave it until you feel more able or what about writing a 'matter of fact' letter just stating he is responsible for whatever debt it is and you expect him to make a contribution?

Sorry I couldn't be of more help. I do hope things improve for you soon.

Take care.

mildredalien

Hi Devon, so sorry to hear about your situation! When I split up with my partner of almost 10 years he ended up moving away and not paying a penny towards the debts I had taken out to help him with his debt problems, or racked up to help us get through month to month due to him not working. Unfortunately for me it was just a case of 'live and learn' as a) I didn't want to speak to him! and b) I knew he had no job and debts of his own so trying to pursue him to pay off mine was probably useless. I don't think you will have any legal recourse if all the debts are in your name, but it may be that your ex will 'come to' at some point and realise what he's done, and may do the responsible thing and help you. I guess you will know the likelihood of this better than me However, I'd suggest either getting some help from a mutual friend at first or waiting until you feel a little more settled to contact him.

Your SOA looks pretty good (if you can get those water bills down!). Try heading over to the old style board for some tips on bringing your grocery budget down - or at least keeping it at the minimum. Is it just you to feed from that budget? With the extra £100 or so you should have, maybe put some in an emergency pot and throw the rest at your credit cards when you can. Even if it's just £10 a month every little bit helps!

iolanthe07

I guess you must live in the South West with water bills like that! Your SOA looks OK, and the smokes only cost you around £1 a day, though it would be agood idea to give up.

we lived as a couple for 10 years so legally, does he have to help now?

No, I don't think so, though someone more knowledgeable may come along. Co-habitees have a lot fewer rights than spouses, which is a good reason to get married. Perhaps your son who helped you out could get in contact with your ex and shame him into helping you with some maintenance payments?