The journey begins.....

Barbeduk

Blimey, didn't want to read and run but don't think I have much to add. So sorry he's left you in this mess, maybe a letter simply stating the debts and requesting he pays his share might be worth it? Def keep the personal stuff out.

As previously said, the old style board is a great source of information and the people on the debt free board fantastic for help and inspiration.

This is just the start, it will get so much easier. Good luck.

triple_choc_chip

Well you've done sooooo much in a few days that I suspect that you're a whole lot stronger than you think you are at moment!

Give him the privilege of missing you...I'm serious, if you text or phone and it's negative it will only perpetuate the situation and compound his reasons for running off in the first place. Remember that anger is usually the secondary emotion, try to focus on the first emotion and don't let your ensuing anger about his actions cloud your judgement.

Let him stew and have time to clear his head and eventually he will be too curious to know what's happening back at home. At that point he won't fail to be impressed (and a bit hurt) that you cope so brilliantly without him and suddenly you have all the emotional power. It will then be your choice where it goes next.

That was the agony aunt bit!

You really seem to have a grasp on your finances so just keep in mind that every month you will be in a better situation. It can take as long (or longer) to get out of debt as it did to get into it - I know from experience, I've now paid off 65% but it's taken four years so far. With £100 each month you can quickly build up an emergency fund whilst having leeway each month for the little things that pop up at the same time knowing that you've met all the minimum payments.

Good luck and definitely take a look at ebay for getting shot of all the things he left behind! Very cathartic!

devon67

Ah thank you everyone for your words of wisdom, experience and kindness.
Smoking - I will quit, I want to quit and I'm the only smoker left in the whole family now so I will do it once I'm over the initial shock of it all - but not right now. And to be honest, I'm not a heavy smoker.
The water bill - I have a man from SW water coming along to survey the property in two weeks so hopefully will have that sorted soon.
Shopping - I have always been a careful shopper so I'm not finding that difficult - and if I was being honest - the OH used to eat a mountain so big savings there already .
As for contact - I like the idea of asking son to contact him later and point out his responsibilities - could even transfer anything he offered through son first and then to me if he does not wish to be 'attached' to me in any shape or form.
But like the smoking, that will be a bit later.
Ebay - had a good sort out at weekend, listed some stuff thats gathering dust and its selling!
Even accepted an invite out at weekend and did spend £6 on a couple of glasses of wine with a girlfriend but right now I call that a necessity - the going out, not the wine I hasten to add!
This is a great site!

sistafromanothermista

Hi devon67 the smoking thing has to be in your own time or you'll fail (i've been smoke free for 8 weeks now) Set yourself a date and arm yourself with any aid you can (see the smoking thread on debt free diaries)

Tupperware_Queen

Hya hun,

just wanted to say, it will get better. You sound like you have got a sensible head on your shoulders, and are dealing with stuff not sticking your head in the sand. My OH left me 2 years ago after 20 years together..took me a while, but realised I was better off without him...but like you I had a huge pile of debt to sort out on my own.

anyways, well done on what you have achieved so far

devon67

Tupperware Queen - I see you have posted weight loss rather than financial affairs - I love it! My OH was a chef, so when I met him I was quite slim - then he fattened me up for the dumping ten years later. In the last week I have realised that I really do not need or want to eat all those odd concoctions and the weight is falling off.
I am also walking the dog loads - his little legs are wearing down and I have to carry him home - which works just as well as carrying two tins of beans to add weight and aid weight loss as the books recommend - and its less embarrassing!
I've even dusted off the Wii and doing yoga now that no-one is here to laugh at my wobbly bits being contorted.
And making bread - wow - all that kneading is great exercise and perfect at releasing pent up frustrations/anger.
I'm also a little worried that I've not had the weeping, sadness and sleepless nights - Its almost like someone has injected me with RedBull......very odd and keep waiting for the tears to hit.......:o

iolanthe07

keep waiting for the tears to hit.......:o

They may not - let's hope they don't. I get the impression you're going to have a great new life once you've sorted the finances. Good luck and keep us posted (we're a nosey lot!).

January20

I've just caught up with your posts devon67 and I admire the way you are dealing with your situation. You are one strong woman, you know!

killerpeaty

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, you seem to be coping really well though!

Just one thing, which I'm not even sure about, your car. I know you're selling it but as you're not using it have you declared it off the road? I know that a relative of mine got caught out and was fined, but I don't know if you need to do that if you're selling.
I also thought that this link might help with the selling of your car http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Motoring/BuyingAndSellingAVehicle/AdviceOnBuyingAndSellingAVehicle/DG_4022403

Do check out the up your income board though, surveys are low paid but an extra £10 a month sure comes in useful : )

pennypusher

Hi I,m thinking that maybe you would be better paying more off your debts that are on 0% for only 6 months rather than paying more off your larger one. If you did that then at the end of 6 months if you don't get the 0% again on the smaller debts you will still have the larger debt on 0%.

Can you reduce your Oil and Electricity costs at all.

Can you reduce your food costs at all. If you look on the Old Style board you should be able to pick up some tips.

Good luck - hope you sort it all out.