im going to fight my way out of this mess - part 1

Dumyat

I know you say you are scared to tell him but he is going to find out sooner or later. will he not be even more angry when he finds out whats being going on? once you have all the information I would look to telling him in a controlled manner, maybe someone else could be there.

Its a horrid situation to be in....but there are lots of folks here with good advice and support to help you get this all sorted out.

tigzem

Hi Gottabstrong - well done on posting.

I just wanted to give you a hug....

I kept my debt from my BF for ages and have only just told him as I don't want secrets etc anymore. We don't live together so bit different from your situation. It really helped sharing the burden, at least now there's nothing lurking and I can ask for his advice etc.

I know it's scary telling people about debt etc, even more so in your situation where you live together etc, but I'm sure you'd be happier him knowing even if he is angry to start with, least with both of you dealing with it, might even get cleared quicker.

Keep posting x

gerturdeanna

I didn't tell my husband for ages and even now I still feel like holding things back from him!!! He gets mega stressed and sulky and I can't cope with him like that!!! (Feels like I have 3 kids sometimes!!!) Speak to the CAB, payplan or CCCS and see if they can help. If he is wanting your money then I think you will have to tell him sooner or later otherwise you won't have anything to pay creditors with!!!
Post an SOA and someone will help!!

Vickicb

Hi gottabstrong,

Firstly, I echo the others, you have to tell him.

Secondly, if the total of your debts are £2400 as mentioned then this can be sorted out, although you obviously need some income to pay them!

You say you have £1700 due back in charges from Woolwich - and that should clear both the Lloyds and the Woolwich debt.

How much do you have outstanding to MBNA? If you claim back the £337 from them, plus the £1700 from Woolwich I guess that leaves your debt at £363? Am I right? If you had added the £750 (ie the money you had to pay to the builder) this would have cleared your debt completely. If you explain it to you OH like this, ie none of the debts were lawful as they were bank charges, claiming them back would have totally cleared the debt except for the builders bill that came up, then I think it will be hard for him to be angry at you - more so at the banks for putting you in this situation.

Regarding defaults, if you can show that the defaulted amount at the time of the default (should be on your credit report) was pretty much the same as the total of your charges then you can ask for the default to be removed - if you go over to the consumeractiongroup.co.uk and find the credit cards request for repayment letter there is an optional sentence you can put in the letter which is a condition of settlement to remove the default. Not sure where you stand with the Lloyds one though being as they've already settled on bank charges, although once the debt is shown as settled it will help your credit rating a bit.

If the remortgage is to get a better rate as you've come out of a fixed rate deal then your existing lender might just switch you onto a new rate. We got a new mortgage on a new property with our existing lender despite my OH having quite a large default on his file. If you are asking for more lending it might need to go on hold for a while while you sort this out.

Like others have said, post an SOA and get some sleep or you will make yourself ill!

:grouphug:

ms_london

Bump.

Gottabstrong - how are you today?

xx

gottabstrong

hi everyone

this is a really quick message to thank all of you who posted with such helpful advice and hugs :heart2:

i have been thinking a lot and things have moved forward a bit - i think i must have missed the 0 from the total debt -

no time now but will definately be on here this evening - it is sooo good hear im not the only one

big thanks to all those who have also hid debt and posted - that means a lot

chat later x

Stonethecrow

I just wanted to hop in for a second and say hi too. I didn't tell my hubby for ages. I thought it would be fine, but in the end telling him gave me huge relief and even though I am dealing with my own debts with my money, it feels good that he knows at least.

Taking control and being proactive gives you such a sense of achievement. I hope you manage to get things sorted out.

You sound like you need a good hug, a glass of wine and some chocolate.

I_was_a_fool

Welcome gottabstrong. Keep us posted, lots of good advice to be found here.

mountainofdebt

If its any consolation I haven't told hubby how much we are in debt either ....although having said that I've stopped hiding the statements from him so if he wanted to sit down and work it out he could.

Would you feel happier if he knew or (if he can be violent) would it be better if he didn't? Whilst I can appreciate why everyone has said tell him if it would place you under greater stress him knowing, then I would say deal with the issue yourself.

As for him having all the income I would be strongly against this.....not only wouldn't you be in a position to deal with your debts but you would be totally in his control.......as for CHB being paid into his account (and you weren't named on the account) you would have to complete a form stating that if you couldn't get hold of the money you understood that it wouldn't be paid again....and if you wanted it at a later date paid into an account where you could get hold of it, then you would have to complete another form!

If he does insist on your wages/CHB going into his account, have you thought about mystery shopping or something similar and not tell him so at least you would have an opportunity of squirreling some money away that he wasn't aware of?

gottabstrong

hi all,
mountainofdebt that is a good idea about the mystery shopping and you are right, I have to weigh up the stress of OH not knowing and me continuing to hide everything, with the way he will act once he knows. still thinking long and hard about that one.

one bit of good news, my bank charge claim against Woolwich has offered a partial settlement of £1000. This is almost enough to clear this debt (just £70 outstanding) which may solve the problem with the remortgage. (we have finished a 3 year fixed rate deal in January so looking for a better deal)

deciding what to do about woolwich offer .

contacted debt companies to get exact amounts owed. just working on an SOA which im hoping someone kind on here will make some sense of!

oh and I have applied for a job which I am really interested in - trying not to pin to much on it - if i get it i will need to maybe fiddle things around so i have a bit of access to my own money!

have a peaceful sunday everyone - i feel quite positive today - then again i usually do on sundays cos there is no mail!!!:rotfl: