Boyfriend abused me but aftermath.

Emmzi

great idea would be to give yourself some space living on your own, to separate the "liking being looked after" and "feeling safe" feelings from everything else.

It's probably time to think about living on your own. What does your counselor think?

londonsurrey

Your friends sound like narrow minded losers, to consider your safety and happiness more important than you physically being near them. Have they not heard of phones and the concept of transport to locations beyond their local five streets?

Maybe there could be more to your relationship with your rescuer.

But you will have a lot more to offer him if you first create a life and a new and sane circle of friends independent of him.

Mankysteve

We all want something from other people. Whether it be a relationship or just enjoying helping people.

The question you've got to ask is whether his intentions are honorable?

LivingInSilence

My councillor thinks I should go alone.

The person I am staying with says he is going Dublin for a few months with work so the flat would be mine. So could do me good. I've made it like home. I feel safe here.

Are you saying I should get my own place show him how I've come along then ask him out?

As for my friends, Recent facebook message was "You should stop being selfish"

LivingInSilence

Mankysteve wrote: »

We all want something from other people. Whether it be a relationship or just enjoying helping people.

The question you've got to ask is whether his intentions are honorable?

Its been a year. He hasn't tried anything. He doesn't take any rent/money off me. He asks I put it into a savings account (I've now got a bit of a nest egg).

He is the sort of guy that instead of going out drinking would stay in on his own. I know he wouldnt do anything. He has had ample oppotunity to do things. Infact I can say the only bad thing he has done is make me watch some Bruce Willis film!!

Mojisola

LivingInSilence wrote: »

My councillor thinks I should go alone.

The person I am staying with says he is going Dublin for a few months with work so the flat would be mine. So could do me good. I've made it like home. I feel safe here.

Are you saying I should get my own place show him how I've come along then ask him out?

As for my friends, Recent facebook message was "You should stop being selfish"

Unfriend any friends who make comments like that!

It sounds as if you are being given a good opportunity to stay where you are comfortable but also experience living alone for a few months. See how that goes.

gibson123

Listen to your counsellor, you don't want to go into another unequal relationship. Find your own place, maintain your friendship with this guy, and when you are ready move to the next level, starting a new relationship from the vulnerable position of being dependent on them totally for your accommodation, feelings of safety and state of mind is not healthy. You need space to decide who you are, your male friend sounds kind but he may not feel the same as you or want to feel responsible for you forever, you both need space to sort your feelings. it is probably no coincidence that he is going to Dublin, if his feelings are developing he probably needs to find some head space of his own.

*max*

This is eerily similar to a thread that went on for several days then was pulled a short while ago.
Do you have a son by any chance?

londonsurrey

LivingInSilence wrote: »

As for my friends, Recent facebook message was "You should stop being selfish"

My answer to them would be "What, so that YOU can continue to be selfish?"

Seriously, what kind of messed up friends think it's a betrayal for you to go explore the world and/or go to a place of safety? People who care for you would be cheering you on, and sending you supplies from home!

LivingInSilence wrote: »

My councillor thinks I should go alone.

The person I am staying with says he is going Dublin for a few months with work so the flat would be mine. So could do me good. I've made it like home. I feel safe here.

Are you saying I should get my own place show him how I've come along then ask him out?

If you're happy in the flat, stay there. What I'm saying is that before getting into another relationship, find yourself.

My husband died suddenly, my friends and family abandoned me, except a couple of very good friends, life was totally messed up.

After a long time of crying and shouting, I looked at trying simple things that were just for me - I went to street bellydance (the teacher appeared on "Britain's Got Talent) and loved it. I'd never been to dance class before, and suddenly, I had something that was just for me, that I enjoyed.

I made friends, and even without a boyfriend or husband, they are people I feel safe with. I've now got a boyfriend, but if he vanishes, I am still safe, because there are other people, other things to do, that are not dependent on him being there.

He finds me interesting because I do things that don't involve him (he's REALLY keen on the bellydance demos, lol), and he can go off do things without me nagging him about keeping me company.

I wish that kind of happiness and safeness of mind for you.

LivingInSilence

*max* wrote: »

This is eerily similar to a thread that went on for several days then was pulled a short while ago.
Do you have a son by any chance?

no kids why?