Boyfriend abused me but aftermath.

LivingInSilence

I was physically and emotionally abused by my ex. He raped me on several occassions and hit/burnt me.

Having on one occasion he hospitalised me. One of the managers at my work looked after me (sitting with me all night in the hospital, letting me stay at his flat)

I've been recovering and he has been helping, listening to me, being there for me. Wanting to help me doing anything for me. I've become close to him and he has been there everyday for the last year. He hasn't charged me any rent or anything, He does alot for me. I really have grown to love him.

My friends say that he is wanting something from me, He hasn;t tried anything, He just does nice things for me. My friends say that I should move back to the area as the person I am staying is destroying my friendships with them as I'm 20 miles away from them. But I feel safe. They told me to forget what my ex did as it was an accident. I feel low when I speak to them. I want them to understand. That what has happened is awful I don't want to go back. I told my best friend that I am falling for this guy and all she said was that he was destroying our friendship!

How can I make them understand?

mgdavid

as long as you realise and accept that you cannot have both friends and 'new man' in the longer term, then they don't need to understand.
You make your decision and let the rest sort itself out. But not easy by any measure. Hope it works out for you.

mynameistallulah

This thread will inevitably go off in the wrong direction ...

OP, you need to talk to someone that is trained to deal with the situation you have been through. You can call Rape Crisis on 0808 8029999, or the Samaritans will always listen. Their number is 0845 790 9090. You can also email them at jo@samaritans.org.

gibson123

How can they be your true friends if they are saying rape and deliberate burning was an "accident" . Stay where you are safe, but get in touch with rape crisis and see if you can get counselling, and some-one to talk through your potential "new" relationship with. We can often make bad choices when we are vulnerable, and you do appear to be finding it difficult to make good judgements at the moment, so get the help you need

gibson123

PS.... YOU don't need to make them understand, if they were true friends they would already understand.

LivingInSilence

I've spoke to rape crisis. I've been to visit people. I'm slowly coming to terms with that. I can't understand why my "friends" don't understand. The person I'm staying with hasn't done anything bad, he hasn't even tried it on with me.

I'm just falling for him. I feel it is a bit wrong though

gibson123

LivingInSilence wrote: »

I've spoke to rape crisis. I've been to visit people. I'm slowly coming to terms with that. I can't understand why my "friends" don't understand. The person I'm staying with hasn't done anything bad, he hasn't even tried it on with me.

I'm just falling for him. I feel it is a bit wrong though

Talk through these feeling with your counsellor. You need to get to the bottom of the "wrongness", and why you need the approval of these very unsupportive so called friends.

Cherry_Bomb

Have you been put into contact with an Independent Sexual Violence Advisor?

Mojisola

Counsellors will be very familiar with someone having feelings for the person who has rescued them from a bad situation. Talk it through.

azzabazza

I feel your 'friends' are not really your friends. True friends would pull out all the stops to support you whether you are 20 miles away or 200 miles away. Sounds as though they could be jealous.

I would urge you to seek counselling. What you have experienced cannot be laid to rest in a relatively short time. You are probably still very vulnerable after your awful experience.

I think the person helping you sounds very caring and thoughtful but perhaps you should take a bit more time to get your emotions back on an even level.

I am so sorry you have had this awful experience and hope in time you can move forward and perhaps make new friends who will not make judgements.

Take care. xx

LivingInSilence

I don't think they are but I have this person to thank alot for. I'd be dead or in a ditch, He made me contact the agencies like womens aid. Got me safe as I didn't want to go into a refuge.

I just want to be happy, recently I look at him and feel there could be more. If you get me.