Help please!

cobbingstones

Hello,

I'm in a bit of a state and could do with your help!

I'm meeting my son's g/f tomorrow who is also pregnant with my first grandchild so its really important to me that all goes well. However, he also told my mum about this meeting and asked her along to. The problem with this is that my mum has mental health issues and I find her difficult at the best of times. I have asked her not to come as I would dearly love to meet my sons g/f on my own for the first time. My mum was clearly upset with this and now I'm feeling selfish.

I just want to meet her on my own and maybe bring flowers? Any idea where to meet?

Advice please.

Thank you

Ms_Chocaholic

I totally understand how you feel.

Does your son know that you want to meet his GF alone?

Could you speak to him and ask him if you could re-arrange (say the GF is unwell maybe), he contacts your mum and then re-arrange for just you and your son and his GF and then arrange a subsequent meeting between you all and your mum.

cobbingstones

I did ask him but I guess he forgot.

I've already told my mum that I really wanted to see her by myself and she feels its due to her mental health (which it isnt) this is something I want for me. But it was obvious that it hurt her.

CH27

I think you need to go along with your son's wishes tomorrow.
You can always arrange something with just you & them later.

cobbingstones

I just it will be so stressful if mum comes along. This is beyond important to me.

CH27

Well surely it's important to everyone not just you?

cobbingstones

Yes it is important to all. I've rearranged it so mum cam meet her an hour after me. She seems happy with that.

Do i bring flowers/present to congratulate on baby?

SqueekyMouse

Hi cobbingstones,

I'm glad you decided to meet the g/f so quickly, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you

I think it would be best to meet somewhere neutral, where you can chat easily for 10 min or hours if things go well - so head for a nice coffee shop/cafe type place (make sure they offer decaf tea/coffee in case she's avoiding caffeine - most of the large coffee shop chains do and so does John Lewis cafe)

I think your idea of taking flowers is lovely, but don't go too over-the-top with them and overwhelm the girl - maybe a box of chocs or some home baked cakes would be better, and you could share them over the coffee

I suppose in the normal course of things, your son would have introduced his g/f to you first, then introductions would have been made to the extended family at a later date so I would think it is perfectly normal for you to go without your mum.

I think you should find out why your son wants his gran there as well - are they very close? Does he want to get all the introductions done ASAP? what does the g/f want? Personally in the g/f situation I would feel intimidated meeting the mum and the gran at the same time!

Is the g/f aware of your mum's illness and the impact this has on her personality, if so I'm sure she'd understand if your mum was difficult

It would have been much simpler if your son hadn't invited his gran, but since he has I'd talk to your son and find out what he wants, because if they (son and g/f) think you're not respecting their wishes now they may take it as a sign of things to come.

Finally, try not to worry too much about hurting your mum's feelings, she'll forgive you. But like you said this meeting is important and you're not being selfish for wanting it to go as perfectly as possible

SqueekyMouse

cross posted - Glad you sorted the meeting out with your mum

cobbingstones wrote: »

Do i bring flowers/present to congratulate on baby?

Certainly take a present along, I think that's a fantastic idea. But give it in a way that it's a present for her, rather than a congratulations on the baby gift - You're meeting her as a person and sons g/f, not as the incubator of your grandchild!!!

lostinrates

SqueekyMouse wrote: »

cross posted - Glad you sorted the meeting out with your mum




Certainly take a present along, I think that's a fantastic idea. But give it in a way that it's a present for her, rather than a congratulations on the baby gift - You're meeting her as a person and sons g/f, not as the incubator of your grandchild!!!

Fwiw, my bil recently told us his gf is pregnant, we have not and cannot meet as they live in The States but dh and his brother are close and we agonised, in the end we sent her a gift of a very light and hopefully morning sickness non aggravating perfume with a special connection to dh's mum (deceased). Most importantly to us we sent a letter asking lots about HER and telling her we looked forward to having a new sister and hoped to meet her soon. She responded with a lovely letter too, and promised lots of emails about the baby's progress. We got the three month scans recently and they were amazing.:).

So i agree with the make it about her idea.....i think flowers, something small a posie rather thana bouquet, would be lovely. And maybe homemade cake? Do you make? Most important a big hug and lots of smiles.

carolan78

A small gift is a lovely idea, I imagine she is as nervous as you are. After all it's the first meeting and she is pregnant, I know I would be a bit scared. A small gift will show her without a doubt your not angry with the situation.