Nice people thread part 6 - thrice by twice as nice :)

fc123

PasturesNew wrote: »

I'm guessing you're driving, else I'd offer a lift from the other place down to here. Offer of a lift from the other place is open. Loads of room for baggage etc - got a big car. You can even randomly make your mind up on the day, at the last minute - no skin off my nose.... I'm coming down this way anyway

yup we are driving too...in OH's nice 'new' car as well. @ £2500 was a bargain and he loves it.
WE'll hook up Sunday sometime if you are about (and if we get on in RL... haha ) I'll get you a posh alert coffee. Staying up on the West Cliff.

LydiaJ wrote: »

Thanks lir, Pastures and fc.

There are some redeeming features of the situation. Thank you for reminding me of some of them.

He is, as fc said, the opposite of "easily led" and is baffled by the whole concept that anybody might do bad/stupid things they don't really want to do just because of peer pressure. And yes, that's a huge strength for the rest of his life, and I too had seen the parallel between his situation and fc's DD's early return from her disastrous holiday. I had already identified that as something to be proud of in him, ages ago, but since the kids weren't doing anything wrong today, I hadn't specifically linked his not liking them to be noisy and wild with keeping himself out of trouble, so I'm particularly glad you pointed that out. (I do so feel for your DD, fc, but I also admire her for choosing to cut her losses and admit it had been a mistake to go.)

He is very happy that the two main and two subsidiary bullies are none of them going to the same secondary school as him. On allocation day, when he came home from school I asked him where the other children in his class were going. He hadn't bothered to find out anything about any of them except that those four were not going to be with him.

The kids he gets on best with are twin boys who live just the other side of the park from us, and whose mother has already suggested meeting up over the summer.

Out of a class of 23, there are 9 children going to one secondary, with the rest spread between 9 other schools. He's one of the 9 that will be together. The other 8 are kids he's happy to be with, including the twins, and they've all been put together in the same tutor group. (I'm rather pleased that most of the mothers I get on best with belong to that group of 9 kids too, and the other mothers that I'm friendly with will still be around in the primary playground next year so I'll see them when I'm there with DD.)

I am hoping perhaps he will feel just slightly better tomorrow once he's had some sleep. [Why isn't there a smiley for a rather wobbly attempt at a smile?]

PS Saddest moment of the day:
Me: Your class has been a constant thing in your life when other things have changed, hasn't it? Does the class splitting up make you feel that the world is a scary unsafe place to be?
Him: No, I worked that out years ago.
Me: What, you mean you worked out years ago that the world isn't safe?
Him (matter-of-factly): Yes.

I guess we all learn it at some point but so so sad he had that event as it is always there in the back of the mind.
I would have so struggled with what you have had to deal with LJ.

It's harder too for you as yours has had a traumatic event....for us it was nature/nurture. I have had 2, brought up the same and son has no fear (eg; setting off around S America for 3 months aged 19, will try anything with full force ) whilst DD is full of fear for everything including small spiders etc.

Neither have had anything like the experience your son has had so I can only conclude with mine it is nature and the personality when born.

The hard thing for us as parents was when she was about 13/14/15 not letting her 'give up' on things....we felt she couldn't just not do stuff that she was pensive about.....as if you try something you might like it....and that happened a few times. She travelled UM on the plane to Spain to meet up with a school friends family when she was 13 and was scared but did it fine. I think she had a label around her neck.
I hope we got the balance right in the end but it was hard at the time.

The 1st driving lesson ended in tears of fear and she thought she would never do it but was so desperate to learn she re-booked and did do it, passed and bought a car.


The holiday ....well she felt unsafe. A lot of very predatory men (drunk and lewd) who left all their self-control at Gatwick.......they were in the town and all around her at the complex. Coupled with big gangs of drunk chav girl groups who were dead rough and aggressive.
The adults around were hefty middle aged women in couples who were out for a bit of 'young man'.

lemonjelly wrote: »

Nice to see fc123 about again!

How is silvercar?

*wave*. I always logged in every few days to catch up but ran out of time to post anything...and then got out the habit...then felt a bit out the loop..........but have looped back in again

PasturesNew

michaels wrote: »

I was trying to have a girl friend from every country...

There's nearly 200 countries... you'd not have any time for posting here!

PasturesNew

fc123 wrote: »

West Cliff.

s'pretty much where I am ... it's where new place will be (except she's not phoned me so worried now she's changed her mind), currently 100 yards further West.

PasturesNew

fc123 wrote: »

The adults around were hefty middle aged women in couples who were out for a bit of 'young man'.

Wasn't me this time... I am in the UK.

SingleSue

Been a long last 26 hours or so....eldest came home last night with a very swollen ankle and foot and ended up at A&E in the early hours of this morning (infection plus heart problems do not go together very well), so a real lack of sleep last night.

Then today has been all go, James at home having to have an eye kept on him and middle son taking part in a school summer concert tonight which required lots of running about dropping him off, his equipment off etc and trying to find time to actually have something to eat (I failed at that one, everyone else ate but not me, didn't have the time!) and then to the concert tonight.

The concert went well, although it went on for ages...only got home an hour ago, think there may be some very tired students in school tomorrow. The lads surprised with their interpretation of Call me Maybe/What makes you beautiful, when the boys said they were doing a rock version of it, I really didn't think it would work...but it does! They also did another Bon Jovi cover with some merriment in the beginning as middle son was struggling to set up his double pedal and get the kit in the right place (everyone was sharing the kit tonight and kept moving things about), once set up, he did a little salute to which everyone laughed.

Anyway, I am now shattered and still have a long night ahead as I have to keep a regular check on James overnight in case of problems....and if problems occur, it will be another night at Ipswich A&E!

SingleSue

So sorry to hear about your son's last day at school Lydia....sometimes think us parents should be given manuals on the sensitive child. Don't think bad about yourself, we all get things slightly off base at times and then beat ourselves up about it but it is all a learning curve.

Middle son's transition scared the life out of me, especially in his last days at junior school and after being awarded student of the year, he went completely eek, walked out of school after a meltdown and had the police putting out the equivalent of an Amber alert for him as a vulnerable child. So starting at high school certainly filled me with trepidation after that....thankfully, he settled in well and hasn't looked back since, especially with the school listening to advice and allowing him to develop musically, something which calms him when stressed about other things.

Youngest was no bed of roses however but we all expected that and tried to do as much preparation as we possibly could but it is only now, at the end of year 9, that he is slightly more settled (still not completely there but small improvements are better than none).

But we live and learn, we store the information for next time, so please don't beat yourself up about it....children are unpredictable things.

PasturesNew

... and briefly back to bras.

Just saw the advert on the telly, it was the Aire Bra I'd seen, from https://www.thanedirect.co.uk - with a current offer of 3 (white, black, nude) for £29.99 + £4.99 P&P.

PasturesNew

It's been 3 nights in a row I've not slept properly ... it's that "where will I live?" thing hanging over me.... got to move out of here in 10 days' time, nothing organised.booked and can't organise/book anything until the last 3 days really.

I'm going to look like shi1te over the weekend and I've got stuff to do

SingleSue

Well we didn't have to go up to the hospital overnight, so a bonus. I'm blooming shattered though, can barely see straight...think I have managed about 3 hours over 2 nights.

Thank goodness it is school holidays after today....oh wait, that doesn't mean a rest!

lostinrates

Dh decided to read me to sleep last night ( seriously amazing husband ) and started reading the daughter of smoke and bone which i read last week already. I love re reading books with dh. I like this one, it is as reviews said, a little remincent of pans labrynthe

Anyway three pages in he was asleep, i had a surge of annoyance at the prospect of another restless night but halfway through this gathering of nervous energy i fell asleep too. .