The more I try to help myself the worse off I'm becoming

kaom

I'm very lost and don't know what to do. It seems that by trying to better myself and do all the right things I've got myself into a corner and now I feel so squeezed I'm not sure what I can do to sort my finances out. I'm not quite sure where to start

My divorce was finalised in 2007 and I received around £60k which was supposed to be used for a deposit on my own home (I now have around £52k in shares after paying off some debts back then). The trouble is my shares haven't increased as I had hoped because of the downturn in the global markets. My "plan" (if you could call it that) was to have the shares return something decent so that it would have allowed me to put down a decent deposit and left me a manageable mortgage. Probably naive to have thought this but it was (and still is) my only means of obtaining a deposit large enough of any real worth because of where I live house prices are so high.

The reason why I need larger than a £50k deposit is because even the most modest of homes is a minimum £300k (I need 3 bedrooms for my children including my youngest after remarrying). Less the deposit I simply cannot afford the repayments on a £250k mortgage. So this really isn't an option. Plus I believe house prices are heavily overpriced (average salaries Vs average house price indexes clearly show this)

This leaves me with one option: renting. Rents have gone up a lot - esp over the last year - and now I'm looking at around £1250 per month for a 3 bed apartment or house.

By the time I've paid all my bills, including the money to my ex for the children, council tax, water, gas, elec, petrol, insurance, food, etc I am left with basically nothing.

Last year I earned £10 more than I spent (including money from any commissions). This is without buying any luxuries, without going on any holidays, without going out very much (maybe one night out of every two months)...I have less disposable income now than I did when I worked in my first job, over 20 years ago.

I can't go to anyone for financial assistance because I earn too much (£45k basic, with around £10k commission), plus I've got a very small second income from my YouTube channel (without this channel I would definitely be underwater). The killer is also the £52k in shares...

So what do I do? any which way I look at this confuses me more. If I sold my shares I would never be able to look at buying in the future and the thought of renting is a pretty unpleasant one. Not only are the costs at the mercy of unscrupulous private landlords but there's no security (we are being kicked out of our current home this July as our landlord is converting it into two apartments)

My finances are so tight that I'm genuinely scared of losing my child benefits (because my salary is above the proposed threshold) next January because I rely on the £81 every 4 weeks.

I don't want to move too far from my children - and even if I did move far enough away to get lower priced accommodation any savings would be eaten up by the cost in petrol (and car wear and tear) so it's a false economy.

I realise that with £52k in shares and a decent salary many of you might look at me as being comfortably off...but it's not about how much money you earn, it's what you have left after paying off all the standard and basic bills. I'm in survival mode right now and am feeling helpless. I've whittled all my outgoings down to minimum levels so I am unable to trim costs back further.

Is there any one/organisation I can talk to? Or does anyone on this forum have any ideas please?

findingmyownway

Morning

I think firstly you need to sit down and look at incoming and outgoings. I can see you posted an SOA back in 2010, but an up to date one would be very helpful and you may get some interesting advice.

You say you're remarried, so does your wife work? How are the new family finances run? Does she have salary/savings/debt? I assume she is the mother of your youngest child who lives with you?

How many children do you have with your ex? Are you paying as per CSA guidelines?

heartbreak_star

Try popping this in Debt-Free Wannabee as well, they're awesome

HBS x

Money_maker

Yes you are on good money and I think your problem is more likely money management. Unable to understand if you have children living with you as you dont want to move far from the children but have child benefits?!

You have a child after remarrying - does your new husband/wife (no idea of OP's gender) contribute?

Suggest you post a SOA on the DFW board (not just for those in debt) so others can help you cut back.

A roof over your head is what you need, not multiple bedrooms. Your wages are disappearing each month, time to find out where they go.

kaom

thanks all. I can tell you that I have all my outgoings on a minimum. the only "luxury" I have is my tv/broadband bundle with Virgin. I need broadband as I work from home and need a good connection, but the luxury element of spending £10 on the TV is because this is our main entertainment. the rest of my salary goes on basics only. After my outgoings I have around £200 per month which goes on stuff like car tax, car servicing and other one off costs which are unavoidable.

After using this forum before back in 2010 I tightened up the reigns to the max but I have to say that prices across the board have all shot up considerably.

Money_maker

Fair do's but theres peeps earning much lower wages who can sucessfully cut back. Whats one mans essential is another mans luxury. Unless you can bring more money into the household then you have nothing to lose by doing a SOA.

kaom

the biggest outgoing after rent is the money paid to my ex. £500 pcm - this closely follows the guidelines set out by the CSA. I would never not pay this but I would say that without this my finances would certainly be easier.

And with respect, if I was earning less and didn't have my savings/deposit I would be better off - I've used various online benefits calculators. If I was earning £25k a year (with no mortgage deposit/savings) I would have more disposable money every month than I do now (thanks to various tax credits and benefits that I cannot get now)

And I guess, this is some of my point - the more I've tried to help myself; get a better job with a better salary and keep my savings to buy my own house I am a lot more skint than if I'd throw the towel in a live for today and not try to plan for a better future

ognum

I think one of the issues is based around what you perceive you need as aposed to what you can afford.

It may be that you have to buy a two bedroom property, a bedroom for your full time child and then maybe you and your partner will have to give up your bedroom and sleep on the sofa or in with the full time child when your children visit.

maybe you could look for a house with a garage you can convert or that has a possibility of an extension sometime in the future.

Of course this is not great but we all do have to manage our lives around what we have.

kaom

ognum wrote: »

It may be that you have to buy a two bedroom property, a bedroom for your full time child and then maybe you and your partner will have to give up your bedroom and sleep on the sofa or in with the full time child when your children visit.

maybe you could look for a house with a garage you can convert or that has a possibility of an extension sometime in the future.

Of course this is not great but we all do have to manage our lives around what we have.

I totally agree with this comment - we are currently looking at 2 bed apartments too. our main concern is to be near a decent school. the other point which makes matters a little trickier (in terms of room numbers) is that I work from home full time. We are realistic in what we need to get. however 3 beds is really the only viable long term solution (albeit converting a garage, using a basement, the loft, the garden space to create a third room).

ikkle87

Do you or your partner buy any of the following?
Magazines
Coffee in shops
Sandwiches/Dinners at work
Takeaways.

Where do you do your food shopping? Do you buy branded items or shops own brands?

Do you all drive to work/school/college? Is it possible to walk/bus/train?

Have you looked at if your with the best provider for gas and electric?

Is moving a little further away to where property is cheaper but your current friends, schools etc are still accessible a possibility?

Could you sort through all your things and see if there is anything you don't need/wear anymore and have an ebay session to raise some spare money?

ikkle87

I do really think an SOA is your best option so people can give you the best advice.