Being a minister's wife

churchrat

Judi wrote: »

I am sitting on the fence as i am what is termed 'backslidden'. I havent heard a church service for 12 years (about). I dont have my daily 'Quiet Time' with God.

Do i follow all the commandments? I believe in them yes, i aspire to them yes but i am mortal and i have my failings.... Thats where God comes in and ive neglected him for so long.

all of them? or just the 10 best known ones? Have you decided that some of the 160 odd are ok for today but others are now not needed, as torry has?

Brighton_belle

churchrat wrote: »

I have absolutely no idea how to do the multi quote thing, or how to include other peoples quotes on the same page. Apologies. also--how do you put in different colours etc? Computers and me dont get on.!!!!!

See the orange and pink speech bubbles at the bottom of a post, next to the quote button - instead of pressing quote, select the speech bubbles of each post you wish to quote (for really really long posts, I then delete the parts I am not responding to for the sake of brevity). When you have selected all you wish to quote, then select the 'post reply' at bottom of page and voila - each post come up...majick:D

To change the colour of your words etc, highlight what you (or another poster in your 'quote') have written and then select the tiny arrow at the top of the reply box you are writing in next to the black and white smiley face, that will give you a slection of colours to choose -click on one on them and your font will change colour.

System

all of them? or just the 10 best known ones? Have you decided that some of the 160 odd are ok for today but others are now not needed

Despite having read the bible from cover to cover my memory isnt the best.

Nicki

churchrat wrote: »

all of them? or just the 10 best known ones? Have you decided that some of the 160 odd are ok for today but others are now not needed, as torry has?

Sounds like you have just as big a problem with Christians, as you consider TQ to have with non-Christian spouses of ministers. Which perhaps illustrates very neatly why in a lot of cases it would not work for a Christian minister to have a non believing spouse. I cannot imagine it makes for a very happy relationship where one spouse clearly despises and ridicules a large proportion of the other spouse's client base :cool:

Whether or not you like TQ's views or the way she expresses them, they will be views held by a great number, maybe even a majority of practising Christians, with the result that a ministers spouse surely needs to find a way of accommodating those views if they truly wish to support their spouse's work.

churchrat

Judi wrote: »

Despite having read the bible from cover to cover my memory isnt the best.

No, over the years my memory seems to flown and I cant seem to find it. I had to look them up.

One commandment says you must observe the laws of menstrual impurity--the woman must be apart for 7 days ( I actually quite like the sound of that, but feel it would not go down too well at work.)

Another says you must not steal money stealthily--which seems to imply you can steal it if you are open about it!

The courts must carry out the death penalty of stoning--dont think I agree with that.

And the one everyone remembers--a man shall not lie with another man. (says nothing about women tho.)

Odd how most people can remember that one, and say that its only right to believe that--yet still talk to menstruating women.

churchrat

Nicki wrote: »

Sounds like you have just as big a problem with Christians, as you consider TQ to have with non-Christian spouses of ministers. Which perhaps illustrates very neatly why in a lot of cases it would not work for a Christian minister to have a non believing spouse. I cannot imagine it makes for a very happy relationship where one spouse clearly despises and ridicules a large proportion of the other spouse's client base :cool:

Whether or not you like TQ's views or the way she expresses them, they will be views held by a great number, maybe even a majority of practising Christians, with the result that a ministers spouse surely needs to find a way of accommodating those views if they truly wish to support their spouse's work.

Where have I said that I despise and ridicule either my oh or any of his parish?? I have said the exact opposite. Please read the post where I answered heretolearn. I have the greatest respect for my oh. What I have a problem with are those who just quote bits from the bible to support the prejudice they have, be it gay, colour women etc.

Nicki

churchrat wrote: »

Where have I said that I despise and ridicule either my oh or any of his parish?? I have said the exact opposite. Please read the post where I answered heretolearn. I have the greatest respect for my oh. What I have a problem with are those who just quote bits from the bible to support the prejudice they have, be it gay, colour women etc.

Your last posts to and about TQ have been to an impartial observer full of contempt and ridicule. TQ has not expressed any views which you would not hear in any church in England or Scotland, in fact in some churches her views would be the only ones you would hear.

I very much doubt that all of your husband's congregation observes all 160 commandments you keep banging on about, but that they do try to observe the 10 commandments handed down to Moses. Does your hostile last post on that subject only apply to TQ, or is that how you feel about your OH's congregation too? If so, how is that not holding them up to ridicule and private contempt?

System

One commandment says you must observe the laws of menstrual impurity--the woman must be apart for 7 days ( I actually quite like the sound of that, but feel it would not go down too well at work.)

Leviticus 15:19-24 “When a woman has a discharge, and the discharge in her body is blood, she shall be in her menstrual impurity for seven days"

Leviticus is in the Old Testament. The Old Testament contained faults. Hebrew 8:7 says 'for if that first covenant had been faultless then there should no place been sought for the second".

I do not know of any mention of menstrual impurity in tne New Testament.

poet123

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I'm not saying I wouldn't believe anything he said but it would seem strange that his sife doesn't. What's IRL by the way?

You can't convince anyone to believe, to have faith, they either have it or they don't. It seems to nod to a very old fashioned attitude that a man and his wife have to have the same beliefs. It may be the ideal on a personal level, but certainly not a need from logical or religious perspective.

peachyprice wrote: »

Why should he need to convince her? Infact why should he need to convince anyone? Is that really part of his job, to convert non-believers? There was I thinking it was to offer guidance to his congregation not disrespect those who chose not to believe by attempting to convince them.

In fact no church leader I've ever met has felt the need to convert anyone, they have faith that God will show them the way.

I agree with this. In fact I think it is very un Christian to judge others or attempt to preclude them from answering a calling because their spouse is a non believer.

I agree with Coolcait here, in fact I am appalled.

ETA Having read all the posts and particularly the one which seemed to cause offence to TQ.

My take on that comment was that it was intended to convey hypocrisy as in "whitewashed tombs" not anything more devious. I agree that those who do not practice what they preach in terms of tolerance and acceptance do evidence that bible reference.

poet123

scottishlass72 wrote: »

Torry Quine, I am so sorry that you were hurt by something that was said to you in this thread. You were so kind to me in your responses even though I knew you disagreed with me, and although I don't understand exactly what was said to you, I feel terrible that it was hurtful. The last thing any of us need is more misunderstanding and hurt thrown at each other either by atheists or Christians or anyone else. We have a lot of common ground even though our beliefs are not the same, and I think it's to our benefit to focus on that rather than those areas where we disagree.

I have respect for your beliefs and if you say it wouldn't be right for you to share your life with a non-believer then I think you have every right to feel that way. My husband and I know that being together is right for us and my husband believes God brought us together for whatever mysterious reason He may have.

For anyone who wouldn't believe a word my husband says as a minister because he's married to a non-believer ... I say that's great. I don't think anyone should believe everything anyone else says unquestioningly but rather should think critically about it and make sure it's something they believe is right. Otherwise when people believe a charismatic leader without questioning them we run into the problem of "groupthink" and all its associated dangers.

On a more personal note, tonight my husband and I went out for a quick drink after work to discuss the answers I received here and to make sure we were still on the same page about everything. When I said earlier that I had learned something from every single post, that's because I think the range of responses given here will reflect the range of responses within whatever parish we end up in, assuming my husband makes it through the selection process. It's great to know that we'll have the support of many, and it's also very helpful to know what peoples' objections are likely to be.

When it comes to people objecting to his appointment or to any of my beliefs and behaviors, we will just have to accept that it's impossible to please everyone. While it's sad that some people may disapprove to the extent that they will stop coming to church, I'm also hopeful that the open-minded and accepting attitude he would bring to the parish would allow more of a dialog among people of all faiths and non-believers as well.

I think in this modern age we all cry out for community and a sense of belonging that doesn't revolve around commercial interests. It seems sad to me that a prerequisite to that would be believing in an "imaginary friend" in the sky as one poster put it! If the church could offer that sense of community to a greater variety of people then all the better, although those that leave would certainly be missed I'm sure.

As for me, I've decided that the best way forward if my husband becomes a minister would be to stay in the background as much as possible, at least at first, until he's gotten used to his new role. He's agreed that he would try for his first charge in a city where I'd stand a better chance of retaining some anonymity, and I wouldn't jump in to volunteer for church functions. I have no interest in leading a womens' guild but there are a lot of things I could eventually see myself doing, such as helping the church become an "eco-congregation" and a fair-trade church, helping LGBT teens find themselves and feel comfortable with themselves. By the way that has nothing to do with dating in the pews - if you wouldn't think that about presumably straight teens in a youth group then why think it about LGBT teens? As far as chastity goes, great, lets encourage it, but since we all know how good teens are at doing what they're told (NOT!) then maybe providing condoms too would be a good idea!

Anyway, on a less controversial note, I don't mind answering the phone a lot, having people 'round to the manse, and having my husband spending a lot of time outside the house at odd hours. Perhaps because we married later in life we're both very independent and I would be able to occupy myself when he's busy just fine. And for those that say he would have to put God first before me, I just don't find it useful to think of things in terms of rankings. It doesn't matter to me whether I'm first or somewhere in the middle among his children, his parents, or his God. What matters is that I know and believe he will be there for me when I need him and vice versa. That's good enough for us.

So if anyone has read this far, thank you for that, and thanks again to all who responded. I can't tell you how much this has helped us and how much I appreciate you taking the time to help a stranger. Thank you again.

As a Catholic I have no experience of Priest's having a spouse,;) but I just wanted to say that any community that got your support, believer or not, would be lucky and you would make such a positive contribution with your common sense and tact that everything else would pale into insignificance. Or it should....