Changing Day out with children?

blondy24

Hello,

Please can you give me some advice. We told OH's children yesterday that we would take them to this place on Sunday however after having a rubbish day today (not involving children btw) I have decided that we should take them to the same type of place but just in town instead at the weekend as I don't want to drive as don't feel that they have any respect for my car etc, do you think that is harsh or can adults/parents change their mind?

jamespir

just say that you changed your mind like not sure of the age of the kids but im sure as long as they have a nice day they wont care

warehouse

I don't get it. You say today didn't involve children but you don't want to drive on Sunday as they have no respect for your car?

So what did happen?

Tropez

You've had a rubbish day that they weren't involved with but now you're saying that you don't believe they have any respect for your car? So is it their fault you've had a rubbish day or not?

If it is their fault then explaining to them that until they show respect for your car they won't get to go where they want would probably be useful. But if they haven't done anything wrong then that's a bit unfair isn't it?

blondy24

I have thought about the respect issue for my car for a while, they have been told off before for climbing over each other to sit in the middle at the back of the car or leaning on it.

I just don't feel like I get any gratitude sometimes for doing stuff e.g. cooking them tea, taking them places etc - sorry if that sounds harsh of me to think like that.

bright_side

I don't get it either. If you feel that way why did you say you'd take them in the first place?

Tropez

blondy24 wrote: »

I have thought about the respect issue for my car for a while, they have been told off before for climbing over each other to sit in the middle at the back of the car or leaning on it.

I just don't feel like I get any gratitude sometimes for doing stuff e.g. cooking them tea, taking them places etc - sorry if that sounds harsh of me to think like that.

It doesn't sound harsh but I don't see the reason to punish them long after the fact. If they were to misbehave on the day itself, then that would be the time to turn around and come back home and not do what you said you would because that would be a more effective method of teaching them acceptable behaviour, rather than saying you'll take them somewhere and then changing your mind because of something they've done in the past that you've already admonished them for.

As for the cooking - kids rarely show gratitude for someone cooking their tea because they don't understand it very well and it is something that parents have to do because the child cannot; not without risking burning themselves or setting the house on fire at least.

I'm curious though, does your OH know how you feel? I gather they're his kids, not yours. How much does he help out when you're getting stressed and feeling this way?

blondy24

Thanks for the advice. I will try that and if they disrespect then I will say we won't go out again until we do.

Guess I am a bit narked by one of them yesterday stating that one of the other ones didn't want to come round last week as they found it boring and were forced to come round by his ex as that is the arrangements. Then when a teenager sits there and doesn't talk after the first half an hour it is hard to feel upbeat about situ as I feel that I constantly make an effort to communicate and provide for them.

Tropez

blondy24 wrote: »

Thanks for the advice. I will try that and if they disrespect then I will say we won't go out again until we do.

Guess I am a bit narked by one of them yesterday stating that one of the other ones didn't want to come round last week as they found it boring and were forced to come round by his ex as that is the arrangements. Then when a teenager sits there and doesn't talk after the first half an hour it is hard to feel upbeat about situ as I feel that I constantly make an effort to communicate and provide for them.

I can understand why that would be frustrating but I can also see how it is the behaviour of kids. Obviously, I don't know a lot about your situation but the teenager, for example, might be feeling a little hostile towards you because they feel you see their dad more than they do, or that they're still annoyed about their mum and dad splitting or something like that... plus teenagers are often just moody anyway.

I think you're doing well to make the effort and hopefully over time it will become easier for all of you, especially if your OH is also making an effort because after all if the kids are bored it is as much his responsibility to entertain them as it is yours.

Auntie-Dolly

Teenagers talk? what planet is that on?

blondy24

Yes OH does make a good effort and gets frustrated like I do as we try to spend quality time with the children. I know what teenagers can be like just difficult when they aren't your children sometimes.

Guess things are getting to me today more than normal, sorry.