my 12 yo DD- where has my baby gone?

Spendless

Sadly no and I feel a bit envious reading your post. That's because I have a 12yo (boy) also in their 1st year at Secondary, his time has been about other kids calling him names, damaging his property, hitting him and watching/filming it. I am only thankful that we found out about it and are getting support for him about it as it has very much knocked his self-esteem and that the teacher of his fav subject voiced her concerns to HoY. I lost my job after his 1st term and whilst it's been handy for me to be about -rather than worried sick he's ok. I am very aware I'm becoming his 'comfort blanket' and concerned how he'll be when I do manage to find employment. On the plus side academically he loves school, he recently went on a residential trip that he enjoyed and I have my fingers crossed I'll be writing a post like yours in the future.

CruisingSaver

Spendless I'm so sorry to read your post. I hope that everything works out for your son.

CS x

FBaby

Spendless wrote: »

Sadly no and I feel a bit envious reading your post. That's because I have a 12yo (boy) also in their 1st year at Secondary, his time has been about other kids calling him names, damaging his property, hitting him and watching/filming it. I am only thankful that we found out about it and are getting support for him about it as it has very much knocked his self-esteem and that the teacher of his fav subject voiced her concerns to HoY. I lost my job after his 1st term and whilst it's been handy for me to be about -rather than worried sick he's ok. I am very aware I'm becoming his 'comfort blanket' and concerned how he'll be when I do manage to find employment. On the plus side academically he loves school, he recently went on a residential trip that he enjoyed and I have my fingers crossed I'll be writing a post like yours in the future.

I'm really sorry your boy is going through these tough times and yes I can see how going through seeing your baby grow would feel like a real blessing. I'm sure he will too I guess it does hit most of us at what time or another. It must have been a real relief that he had a great time at the residential trip.

Becles

I think it's good to let them speak to the doctor etc., themselves with a parent present. It builds their confidence in talking to adults and builds communication skills as they have to explain what is wrong and answer the doctors questions. I've always encouraged mine to speak up from being about 11-ish!

Spendless, so sorry to hear about what your lad has been through but pleased you are getting it sorted out now. Has the school got a counselling service? Ours has a drop in service where they can be assessed and then routine appointments are set up on an as needed basis. The boys found this very useful in dealing with an issue that they've been through that shattered their self esteem and confidence.

I met up with a group of people from another website a couple of months back. I'd met some of them in "real life" before but some I hadn't. The boys came along and chatted away as if they'd known everyone for years even though they'd never met any of them before! I was so proud of them for doing that.

I know it seems bleak now, but if you can work through things with him, I'm sure he'll be fine in the long run. Hope things work out for him.

Gingham_R

I used to be extremely irritated by adults who would speak over my son's head and answer me when he spoke to them. It used to happen all the time when he was tiny. Now he's nearly as tall as me it doesn't happen any more.

Re who does the talking - I didn't give this any thought at all but I have always encouraged them to tell the doctor why they're there and let them answer any questions, chipping in where needed. Except last time when it was a hospital trip and my 5 year old was having an asthma attack. Then, obviously, I did the talking.

Just a big thumbs up for the Sheffield Children's Hospital and their lovely nurses too - my son went in in the middle of the night 2 nights running when he was having particular trouble and the triage nurse not only whipped him straight through to be seen the second night but returned seconds later with the book he'd been reading the night before. That kind of caring can't be trained into people. She was fantastic.

motherofstudents

I'd love to still have a 12 year old. Mine are 23 and 25 (makes me feel sooo old). They are very successful, confident and happy. I do sometimes feel redundant even though at their ages, they obviously don't 'need' me in the sense that they did when they were much younger. It is quite a difficult transition but at least it doesn't happen overnight.

cyclingyorkie

Enjoy every minute with her OP - my youngest - 18 - went to her Year 13 prom last Friday night and she looked AMAZING!

But I still don't know where the last 18 years have gone!

Hermia

Becles wrote: »

I think it's good to let them speak to the doctor etc., themselves with a parent present. It builds their confidence in talking to adults and builds communication skills as they have to explain what is wrong and answer the doctors questions. I've always encouraged mine to speak up from being about 11-ish!

Absolutely! I also think it encourages them to be responsible for their own health. A child who is comfortable talking to the doctor is more likely to take responsibility for their health problems and seek help IMO. My mum used to encourage me to talk to the doctor from early on.

OP - you sound like you are doing a great job.

YORKSHIRELASS

Oh I know exactly what you mean. My boy is 11 and has just been abroad on a school trip without me. When he came home he seemed to have grown up within the week!

He still needs an occasional cuddle with his mum though and I relish those moments as I know that before long they will be few and far between.

So proud to see him starting to making his own decisions and become his own person. It makes all that hard work when they were tiny worth while.

zaksmum

My firstborn son will be 40 next month and I DEFINITELY don't know where the years have gone...!!