my 12 yo DD- where has my baby gone?

FBaby

I took my little girl to the doctor today, she was diagnosed with scarlet fever, no big deal, but needed antibiotics, so we stopped at the pharmacy, and when we come out, it hit me that not only had the doctor asked all the questions directly to her, the pharmacist asked her for our address and told her also directly what she needed to do without passing a glance over me. The same happened last week at the dentist and the week before at a hospital appointment.

It came to light today how much my DD has grown over the last 9 months since she started secondary school. When she walked for the first time to school last September (only 10 minutes on main road), I bit my nails for the whole first week. I used to sit in front of my mobile waiting for her text to tell me she was home!

Nowadays, I sometimes forget to check for up to 20 minutes. She is on her own for 1:15 minutes in the morning, we all leave before she even gets up and is on her own for about for same time after school. She has her own bank account and withdrawal card, she takes the train with her 9yo brother to her dad every week on their own.

I guess it really hit me today how she is really becoming her own individual person. After all, I think she would probably be able to make an appointment to the doctor without me now!! It feels so wierd. In a way, I am pleased and proud that she is mature, but at the same time, I didn't expect to go through this feeling at her age, I expected another year or so feeling that I controlled her entire world! Anyone else going through this?

balletshoes

I empathise, I'm a year behind you with my DD and I can see it all coming not too far away (with occasional flashes of it already :eek:.

gibson123

Yes, but I am soooo proud that I have such a wonderful mature daughter, imagine how worried you would be if she still acted like she was 7... well done, be proud of yourself.

mum2one

She sounds an absolute credit to you, you should be really proud.

my DD is 9 1/2 and over the last few months - shes going on 18... they grow up so quick,

Hope DD feels better soon xx

Gingham_R

It happens so fast, doesn't it.

Our eldest is only 8 but I'm spotting similar things. For us, it's stuff like his confidence in meeting new people, how he looks after any little ones around, his desire to wander off in front of us and cross the roads himself and just generally mapping out some independence for himself.

But he still likes to snuggle up to me as long as no-one can see, for now at least!

FBaby

oh, thank you very much, it is just that I do get a bit of a sinking feeling. I guess the one that hits you when you realise your children are really growing, and will need you in a different way to what you got used to.

The other day, when they travelled on the train alone for the first and I stood on the platform seeing the doors closing, It was so strange fighting this instinctive feeling to panic and scream that my babies were going without me!!! I wasn't worried at all, it is just those instinctive maternal feelings that seem to fall upon you as you give birth that now seem to be taken away gradually.

When the doctor was talking to her, I felt like saying 'excuse me doctor, this my daughter, I've taken her because I am a bit concerned, what can you do to help my baby and tell me what I need to do' rather than sitting there feeling almost redundant!!!

FBaby

Gingham_R wrote: »

But he still likes to snuggle up to me as long as no-one can see, for now at least!

Yes, I thankfully still get this from my 9 year old boy, always expect it to stop, but he shows no sign of wanting it to for now. My DD though started the 'urk, don't kiss me mummy, get away, don't embarass me' much sooner. At least I still get the 'mummy' I suppose!

aliasojo

FBaby wrote: »

When the doctor was talking to her, I felt like saying 'excuse me doctor, this my daughter, I've taken her because I am a bit concerned, what can you do to help my baby and tell me what I need to do' rather than sitting there feeling almost redundant!!!

I empathise, I know exactly how you feel. My 12 year old was my last baby and whilst I wouldn't want her to be held back in anyway, I do sometimes feel like a spare part.

Our last Dr app was the same, talking to daughter rather than me and even asking if daughter wanted to be alone during the appointment. :eek: She said no, thank heavens. I'm not quite ready to be totally excluded just yet.:D

CruisingSaver

My 12 year old daughter is exactly the same OP. The change in her since she started high school is unbelievable, but seeing how independent and confident she's become just makes me incredibly proud.

She turns 13 later this year and I just hope we come through the teenage years relatively unscathed!

CS

meritaten

Yep - I remember it well - having to take that step back and acknowledge that she is her own person and has the right to make decisions about her own life and health.
That was nearly twenty years ago - and she was nearly fifteen. I do think 12 is still childhood, so I may be oldfashioned, but I DO think that is a bit young for the doctor to try to exclude you from consultations.
Legally, you SHOULD be included - but Political Correctness dictates that the 'Child's interests are Paramount' even if that means that normal loving parents are discounted'. the fact that sometimes the childs interests are accompanied by illegal behaviour doesnt count!

KiKi

meritaten wrote: »

, but I DO think that is a bit young for the doctor to try to exclude you from consultations.
Legally, you SHOULD be included - but Political Correctness dictates that the 'Child's interests are Paramount' even if that means that normal loving parents are discounted'.

The OP said nothing about being excluded from a consultation, nor implied that the doctor was even trying to do that. Simply that the doctor asked her child the questions rather than the parent. At 12, unless it's a question that the child can't or doesn't want to answer, why would a doctor direct the questions at the parent? It's the child who's ill, and as long as the parent can give additional information if required, then surely the person who's ill is better to inform the doctor how they feel. Nothing to do with political correctness; just common sense!

Sorry to hear it's all hitting you, OP; I hope your daughter is feeling better soon.

KiKi