Am I being overprotective

raven83

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

raven83 wrote: »

I've also told my daughter when she asks why she isn't allowed, that it isn't her that i don't trust but it is other people, and while i would have no worries about her crossing a road etc it is other people that i am worried about.[/QUOTE]

Precisely.

I know others will say, but it is such a rare occurrence. I do not want my daughter to be that 'rare occurrence' so would rather lessen the chance if I can.

Exactly, a rare occurrence is still too much of a risk to me. I see really young kids out and and about quite far away from their houses and i don't like it anything could happen to them.

rokchic

raven83 wrote: »

I've also told my daughter when she asks why she isn't allowed, that it isn't her that i don't trust but it is other people, and while i would have no worries about her crossing a road etc it is other people that i am worried about.

Think I will try saying this !! was beginning to think I was being a bit overprotective as the newly moved in neighbours children aged 6 and 8 go to the shops by themselves and she wanted to go with them.

Tbh even without all the issues raised I still dont think I would let her go at 8 !! Was quite shocked when she asked to go with the 6 and 8 year old !! I dont know, maybe I am overprotective but the general concencus above would say not.

fluffnutter

Doesn't matter what your neighbours are doing, lovey. Your daughter, your rules.

Spendless

Depends on the maturity of your own child, and of those they are wanting to go with. My eldest was going to the shops alone at 9. My DD is the same age now and much more of a 'dilly-daydream' so am having to find other steps to take, such as me accompanying her part way and walking a slightly longer way round as the road is a bit quieter to cross that way. DD is not helped that she is small for her age, the height of a 6/7 yo so has more restricted vision that someone taller than her when it comes to crossing roads.

I never told mine that they weren't allowed to talk to strangers. They are told they are not allowed to go off with one regardless of what they say. We have a family password and unless the person tells them it then I haven't sent them. I felt doing it this way meant that they could ask a stranger for help. My son did this a couple of months back when the children that had 'jumped' him and were hitting round the head whilst another filmed it and more watched were all children he knew that he went to school with! The adult he saw walking past and ran to for help was a stranger. I also used to say to mine as we walked past somewhere 'if you were seperated from me just here, who would you go to to tell' and then we'd talk about who we could see who would be 'suitable'. An obvious answer being a policeman but other people such as security guard in a shopping centre, or the sales assistants in a shop.

pinksk8

I would say 8 is far too young to go to the shop by herself, my niece is 8 and only lives two minutes from the shop and there is no way she is allowed on her own. She has a friend who lives next door but one and her dad (single parent) watches her call for her friend and will also escort the little girl home. You make a very valid point about lessening the chances of your daughter being the exception. I have to say I find it shocking that the neighbour children are allowed, especially as one of them is only 6! x x

FBaby

I think 8 is a totally acceptable age for an 'average' child to walk on their own to the corner shop, however, it is not about the 'average' child, it is about your own, so age is really irrelevant.

I am quite amazed though at being anxious about a 15 year old walking on their own. My 9 and 12 year old have started taking the train on their own to see their dad every week-end (1/2 hour away) and then walk on their own from the station to his house (10 minutes walk). Kids can fly on their own with BA from the age of 12 and most attraction parks will let kids go in on their own at 12.

GobbledyGook

It totally depends on the child. Doesn't matter at all what other people are doing with their children.

My elder daughter is a calm, mature for her age, sensible child and people tend to think that I let her do too many things unsupervised. My younger daughter will likely be confined to playing in the garden until she's 18 as she is a complete daydreamer, is distracted by anything/anyone and doesn't think things through before doing them at all (for example she remembered yesterday that her drinks cup from the zoo had a price sticker on the bottom so promptly upturned the cup to peel it off. Totally did not occur to her that it was full of water at the time!).

Gingham_R

raven83 wrote: »

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Exactly, a rare occurrence is still too much of a risk to me. I see really young kids out and and about quite far away from their houses and i don't like it anything could happen to them.

I think you have to look at what we mean by 'rare occurrence' and what other risks we DO accept. Being in a car accident is a much higher risk than being hurt by a stranger for example. Yet we do not usually keep children out of cars.

The risk of being hit by a car seem to be too high in this case as the child doesn't not have the necessary road sense (lots of practice can put this right provided the adult is supervising.)


The risk of the father being an issue may or may not be relevant and that is up to mum to decide.

Stranger danger though? With a group of other children, talking to someone about their dog and asking if it's safe to stroke it is okay in my opinion. Randomly approaching someone's dog, leaning over it and putting a hand on its head is NOT okay.

The risk of being abducted is not small. It's miniscule. The risks involved in not letting children spread their wings though. That's a bigger issue. If children know not to talk to strangers in cars, not to go anywhere with a stranger and to run for help if someone is making them uncomfortable, there is little more to be done.

Danger is more likely to come from someone the child knows - I wouldn't allow my children to accept lifts from people they know without letting me know first for example.

cottonhead

Its being protective of course, but as a mum thats your job and more people should think the way you do. Given the circumstances sounds like you have made an informed decision and are right to stick to it. Others might not feel the same but their circumstances are different. You cant replace your daughter so protect her all you need to.
I always thought my little one was very careful near roads and alwats stops looks and listens etc and will naturally garb my hand when we cross a road. However the other day she was with a friend and I was walking behind and the pair of them were so busy chatting and laughing - they just ran across the road. It was so out of character and I was so shocked. Nothing was coming but if it was that would of been the end of her. Even if your daughter is sensible alone, I would ensure she is street wise when with others as they change when in a group.Its finding the balance. No freedom and they will never learn to deal with danger but you dont want to let them out until they are ready. If you have doubts its for a reason and I feel the same as you - 8 is too young.

rokchic

thanks for everyones replies, I asked a couple of the mums I know well at the school their opinion of this and they were astounded that my neighbours children were allowed to the shop at that age.

I am of course concerned that she will feel left out or not trusted etc, but after over 20 responses including the couple at school, I now feel that I am totally not overprotective in fact the majority seem to believe 8 is too young.

I will just use the piece of advice on here and say if she asks again that its not her I don't trust its others xx