OS marital ethical dilemma

allIcouldwishfor

Aren't people allowed to have likes and dislikes?

I don't think any of the women here would be impressed if their OH cooked something they had expressly said they didn't want to eat. I don't think it shows any consideration or respect for your partner and I can imagine they would feel hurt and humiliated by it.

I'm betting most of you would accommodate a friend if they said they didn't like something rather than forcing it upon them under false pretences then saying "Ha, gotcha".

tr3mor

allIcouldwishfor wrote: »

I think it's wrong to treat your husband like a child and mislead him over what he's eating. I think it would show that you care if you offer him a bite of yours to see if he's still "sensitive" to it.

If he's acting like a child then treat him like one.

And it does work the other way, I'm a bloke and my girlfriend *was* fairly fussy - she's not now!

morganlefay

My husband and F-I-L were unbelievably conservative and used to adopt the approach taken by very small children: 'I've never tried it so I know I don't like it'. Small children in my house had to try things before they decided they didn't like them, and that's what I did with my husband (who now eats everything except rice puddings, offal and swedes). He and F-I-L were strongly discouraged from refusing things just because they were new. I suspect that's what a lot of men do and I think they are just being helped to broaden their horizons when we occasionally disguise food. Of course no one would force a bloke to eat something he really hated, but it's the ' Iv'e never tried it so I know I don't like it' approach which leads to subterfuge in my house. And I don't think that demeans anyone. And boys of all ages need to eat more veggies anyway.

Mado

allIcouldwishfor wrote: »

Aren't people allowed to have likes and dislikes?
.

They are. But no one (a grown up man in particular) should be allowed to dislike something they haven't tried.
I force my kids to try things. Only then can they say they don't like it. It doesn't mean I won't hide it later, but it is part of developping taste.

allIcouldwishfor

Mado wrote: »

They are. But no one (a grown up man in particular) should be allowed to dislike something they haven't tried.
I force my kids to try things. Only then can they say they don't like it. It doesn't mean I won't hide it later, but it is part of developping taste.

I don't let my children say they don't like something that they haven't tried either. But we're not talking about children here. My husband is not a child and if he says he doesn't like something then that's fair enough, whatever his reasons are. Mine doesn't like certain foods, so I don't cook them for him. If I want those foods then I'll have them but I won't force him to. I don't see what's wrong in respecting his judgement over whether he wants to eat something or not.

arabellacatpig_2

My son always refused 'cottage pie',(I think he had a bad experience with school dinners).I gave him 'mince and potatoes' instead......He was a bit ratty when he realised he'd been tricked but soon saw the funny side.

competitionscafe

Could be worse - could be one of these fussy eaters (or 'freaky eaters' as the BBC 3 programme chooses to call them!!)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/programmes/freaky_eaters/


The Freaky Eaters

Episode 1: Addicted to crisps
Successful 36-year-old businessman Kevin Johnson is a high-flyer with a great career and a beautiful family. However, his diet leaves a lot to be desired, consisting mainly of salt and vinegar crisps and cheese and tomato pizza. Whenever Kevin tries new food items, he's physically sick. What makes thing even worse is that Kevin's wife Sophie is French and comes from a family of gastronomic gourmands.

Episode 2: Addicted to chips
On the surface, 20-year-old Sarah Dolby is like most young women - nice family, good job, loving boyfriend. However Sarah won't eat anything except chips and white bread. As someone who's studied nutrition at school, Sarah knows the damage she's doing to herself. But will nutritionist Natalie and psychologist Benjamin be able to help Sarah tuck into a healthier diet?

Episode 3: Addicted to cheese
28-year-old Dave Nunley looks like your typical bloke. However this devoted father-of-two has never eaten a hot meal in his life and lives on a diet of grated cheddar cheese. Can Natalie and Benjamin help Dave to overcome his fear of hot food and sit down to a proper meal with his family and friends?

Episode 4: Addicted to chocolate
Geordie lass Rachel Renton is a big binge eater, gorging on huge quantities of chocolate, sweets and crisps in addition to her regular three meals a day. With the 22-year-old physically and mentally hooked on the sugars and fats from this junk food, our experts Natalie and Benjamin have just four weeks to wean her off her addiction.

Episode 5: Addicted to spaghetti hoops
Ever since he was a toddler, 25-year-old Adrian England has never eaten anything except spaghetti hoops, toast, crisps, chips and sweets. With both his health and his relationship with girlfriend Liz starting to suffer, Adrian must make some radical changes in his life and discover the underlying reasons why his diet is so poor.

Episode 6: Addicted to chicken
Everything about Debbie Ezeogu's life is great - her job, her friends, her flat. Everything, that is, except for her diet - a high fat, high salt and high sugar cocktail of fried chicken, takeaways and ready meals. At just 24 years old, Debbie is already clinically obese and risking some serious health problems. Can our experts help Debbie to understand why she resorts to food for comfort?

Episode 7: Addicted to additives
Unlike the other participants in Freaky Eaters, 35-year-old Martyn Sadd considers himself a vegetarian and thinks he eats quite healthily. However, he's afraid to eat anything that doesn't come in a packet - scared of the germs in natural food, he's especially terrified of fresh fruit and veg. Our experts have just four weeks to turn this fear around...

Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/programmes/freaky_eaters/

Haven't watched the programme - but as someone who loves trying most new foods I think it would just annoy me (a lot!)

katmad99

I agree with AlliIcouldwishfor, in that an adult's choices and dislikes should be respected, but the point is that they have to have tasted it in order for them not to like it. The OP said that their other half wont eat aubergines as his father doesnt like them. He himself had never tried them, so how did he know that he didnt like them??

My OH used to be like that... he 'didn't like' peppers, onion, garlic bread, tuna, nuts, ...the list goes on and on, because he was a really fussy child. But since meeting me and my constant suggesting that he 'tries a bit' of everything, he likes it all now!!

I do think it is a state of mind. And of course it is seen in women as well as men, for instance i always thought i didn't like guacamole (as i dont like fresh avocados, and it always looked gooey and horrible) but one day i tried it and now i love it, cant get enough!!

I think a little nudge here and there from the OH/a friend to try new things is always necessary, and hiding it in food cant hurt because they usually eat the meal happily, and then get used to the taste, so next time u cook it on it's own they like it suddenly!!

This is especially true for childhood dislikes. Your tastebuds change over time, so most stubborn people will maintain that they 'never liked' such and such but when they try it, surprise it tastes nice all of a sudden!!!

katmad99

competitionscafe wrote: »

Could be worse - could be one of these fussy eaters (or 'freaky eaters' as the BBC 3 programme chooses to call them!!)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/programmes/freaky_eaters/

I've seen a few of these episodes, and it's really very frustrating to see a grown adult eat nothing but chips or spaghetti hoops!! What annoys me more though is the 'experts' idea of helping them...giving them strawberries and carrots to try, and then being surprised when they dont like the taste! if all u ever eat is bland rubbish then fruit/veg is going to be far to strong for their tastebuds. Why not give them some beans instead of spag hoops...or some soup...boiled potatoes instead of chips...and then work beter foods into their diet slowly....you know what i mean??? They could have tried the hiding method used by most ppl in this thread!!!

I think the 'experts' on most shows do more harm than good sometimes, scaring people into changing rather than helping them properly, and trying to squeeze months worth of therapy and treatment into an hour! makes me angry coz you know the changes wont last. And it's all for entetainment purposes, like freak shows at carnivals!!! A bit disturbing really.

sorry that turned into a bit of rant!!!!!

dianadors

I dont agree with AllIcouldwish for. My hubby had a very very limited pallette when I aquired him (but I didnt know this). He refused to eat most things that his first wife had cooked for him because he had been told by his parents that he didnt like things - they had tried him once and that was it. We invited his parent over one night, and I had cooked loads of different veg, only to be told by his dad my hubby only ate carrots and frozen peas!! His 1st wife had never gotten him to eat curry - he hated it. Now, he has the hottest on the menu and loves it. He eats everything I put infront of him now, and says he cant believe how much he was missing before. Also with the kids, if they dont like something once, they still get it again and again. Eventually their taste buds develop. My DD announced a couple of months ago that she now loved stuffing with her roast chicken, whereas she has hated it for the last 14 years! (but she has had a bit on her plate every time). The kids are also taught that if they are invited to friends for tea, they must eat what is put infront of them. They have returned home keen to try things again that they previously "didnt like".

Talking of Aubergines, I cooked some in a dish that I did for a recent party, and my mum declared that they were the nicest mushrooms she had ever tasted!!! I also "hide" allsorts of veg in pasta sauce for the kids, and although I have been rumbled, they dont kick off, because they love the stuff!!