What happens when you're a stay at home mum and can't pay debts?

McKneff

So he earns £2,200 a month, gives you £1K to manage a household and you are struggling.

While he swans around with £1,200 a month as pocket money to call his own.

He's wiping his feet all over you and you are allowing him to.

To be honest, Im not really sure about this thread.
Come back DMG24, she could spot them a mile away

£1k to cover
£500 cc bills
Mortgage
Gas
Electric
Insurance
Food
Etc, etc, etc

emma12345

Thank you for the replies. I know OH is not nice but what is the alternative? My children would only have me if we split. Grandparents, aunts and uncles aren't interested. OH is a selfish person and gives little enough attention to daughter while he lives here. If we separated again poor thing would see probably nothing of him.

I only need to earn probably £20 a day to be able to turn this around. I can't find the work outside the home or get the time or motivation to do it at home.

It is complicated that OH was in an IVA and this may affect it if I go to the CCCS (as some of the debts he owes/owed are different accounts but the same companies for both of us).

Has anyone just stopped paying the credit cards or paid a £1 or whatever a month? What do they do? If I could get them off my backs and have some of the money I spend on interest a month I could start repaying or at least have some hope that things might get better in the future. Hope is everything.

duchy

You pay the mortgage -is the house solely in your name and what do you expect to happen to the house when you split up whether it's now or when the kids grow up ?

As for him not picking up your child-How on earth do you think single parents cope with working ?

We'd all like to sit at home -but waanting a better future for our kids motivates us

megan01

OP, I don't know much about finance, but I do have a lot of experience in relationships.

You have one life. Your children have one life. ONE LIFE. I understand money is a big worry right now, but your health and happiness are more important right now.

If your daughters husband had an affair , ran off with another woman for 4 years and then came crawling back, because he was scared of being alone, and she accepted him back, would you not slap her into tomorrow?! It sounds really silly doesn't it.

Please for your sanity, leave this man, move out of the immediate area with your children, set up base somewhere. Look for advice on here about claiming all the relevant benefits you can, call the Debt Advice helpline and get your finances in order, and perhaps get a part time job to get you out and about meeting people so you begin to feel more independence that you weren't getting with him?

It won't happen straight away, but eventually you might be able to save up a small pool of money for treats and holidays every now and then. the Sun run cheap £20 caravan holidays if you save up tokens, and before school starts theres normally tons of threads on here with money saving bulk buying uniform and shoe deals.

It is possible, you deserve better, don't for a second think you don't! There is someone out there for you that will treat you right

McKneff

I've taken out an upgrade with Vodafone which includes data of 500 MB a month and a Samsung Galaxy phone.

This is from one of your previous threads, how can you afford this if things are as you say.

emma12345

McKneff wrote: »

So he earns £2,200 a month, gives you £1K to manage a household and you are struggling.

While he swans around with £1,200 a month as pocket money to call his own.

He's wiping his feet all over you and you are allowing him to.

To be honest, Im not really sure about this thread.
Come back DMG24, she could spot them a mile away

£1k to cover
£500 cc bills
Mortgage
Gas
Electric
Insurance
Food
Etc, etc, etc

His expenses are gas and electricity (total £120), car expenses, petrol, sky (£67 - yes I know waste of money but it's his choice), his phone and some food.

He did pay £167 to an IVA but I think that's finished now.

If someone chooses to keep their money there's not a lot you can do. However I did say it cost him loads more when he rented when we separated before (when he had an affair) but that just goes over his head.

It's always been that way and when I only had one child years ago I could work so it didn't matter. It's not so simple now.

tallyhoh

You may also like to read any articles about narcisstic personality disorder online. It really opened my eyes when I realised what was the problem with my OH. Your hubby may not suffer from this but it sounds likely.

You cant go on like this, if you manage to get your debts down, what happens the next time you have an emergency or need to buy school clothes? Is the house in your sole name?

emma12345

McKneff wrote: »

I've taken out an upgrade with Vodafone which includes data of 500 MB a month and a Samsung Galaxy phone.

This is from one of your previous threads, how can you afford this if things are as you say.

Thank you for spotting that. If you are going through all my old posts looking for a character annialation then go for it. Have you never made any mistakes in the past?

To answer your question my old phone broke at £16 a month. They offered this phone at £20 a month. I can go online on this phone. By doing surveys etc when out it has more than made it's money back several times over. If I thought an extra £4 would make a difference to my circumstances I would gladly get rid of the phone. That goes for the laptop and anything else of value I have. Except for the children!

I am considering whether living in the cheap house we live in is worth the life here. We have no life. I have a house.

If they would only reduce the interest on the credit cards I might stand a chance. I see so many others gaming the system and I pay and pay and pay and pay and try and do it the right way and in return don't lead much of a life.

HappyMJ

emma12345 wrote: »

If they would only reduce the interest on the credit cards I might stand a chance. I see so many others gaming the system and I pay and pay and pay and pay and try and do it the right way and in return don't lead much of a life.

With so much income coming into the house I feel this is unlikely. The only way they would consider doing that is if you actually stop making any payments. The debts would then default and then they may freeze the interest. How much equity is in the house? They may go for a CCJ and then a charging order to secure the debt.

ladymarmalade222

Aww Emma,

I totally feel for you. It sounds like my ex and leaving was the best thing I ever did. He would only give me a set amount which would not cover the bills, I worked nights but he would come home from work late so it would make me very late for work. He then would disappear for days and switch his phone off so I had nobody to look after my son while I worked. It was all about the control for him. When I met him I was such a confident independent girl.

I walked away with over 40k of debt from trying to juggle everything for my family.but the first night in my own home with my son it felt great as I could watch what I wanted on TV:D.

He was very controlling throughout and still tries to be now but I am much stronger. Took me 4 years to pay off my debts and I am very happy.

I will never let another man control me the way he did. He would not let me bath my baby until I left. My mum was amazed when I asked her how to do it, he always told me I would drop him so I couldnt be trusted.

I agree, although your situation is about your debt, it is more about your relationship.

Dont let this man control you, there are plenty of good guys out there who will treat you like a princess.

Take Care

xx