About to be struggling really badly

RAS

bogusdruid wrote: »

3 - Conversation had with OH about money in general and budgeting specifically. He's very anti tying our money together as his previous wife left him in a bad situation with his old house. But we've at least had a conversation about trying to cut back and looking at how we can save money on groceries and things like that.

Hi

You do not need to have joint finances; in fact if you are in trouble financially people here would recommend that you avoid joint accounts etc and anything else that would link you financially. If he can retain a good credit record it may be useful further down the line.

What you DO need to a list all your family's expenses and income so that you can work out the best strategy to pay this debt off. No-one can advise you properly without a joint SOA.

ALIBOBSY

RAS wrote: »

Hi

You do not need to have joint finances; in fact if you are in trouble financially people here would recommend that you avoid joint accounts etc and anything else that would link you financially. If he can retain a good credit record it may be useful further down the line.

What you DO need to a list all your family's expenses and income so that you can work out the best strategy to pay this debt off. No-one can advise you properly without a joint SOA.

Agree with the above posters, this is not about tying your accounts together as such (although for me and hubby we can't imagine being a family without joint accounts-and I was also burnt by an ex spouse years ago). If you don't get work or god forbid something happens and you can't work for any period then your OH will have to face that reality then.

TBH I would say you need to do a worse case budget based on one salary coming in. If you can budget for only his wage covering the household costs any extra you earn can be thrown at clearing debts.

I am wondering if he knows how much debt you have? Given his past issues with his ex are you scared to tell him about the debts?

If you get a decent amount of payoff you will need to weigh up what debts to clear against keeping some as a fallback to live off whilst looking for work. Forf a start the first thing to do is put those credit cards away or cut them up, you can afford to be building up any more debt whilst things are uncertain.

Good luck

Ali x

bogusdruid

I'm terrified to tell my husband. It's been a difficult 12 months for us and I'm not sure of his reaction if I tell him about my level of debt. I've been trying to subtly tell him that I'm worried, but it doesn't seem to be getting anywhere. I'm not sure that he'll be able to take the stress of this on top of everything else.

To give a little bit of background, we've just completed an extension to the house which didn't go as smoothly as we had hoped. This came on top of me nearly dying as a result of botched surgery. When I went back to school, too much pressure was applied and I've basically had a bit of a breakdown resulting in me leaving my job. He's been really stressed about all these things and we now very rarely talk about stuff (and I mean anything) as he's so exhausted all the time.

We have two young children and being in this position is making me worried what will happen to them. I've been trying to replace my job - had two interviews, but as I'm top of the scale, not sure if this is going to be achievable without taking on lots of extra responsibility which I'm not sure that I can cope with at the moment. School have been delaying payment on my compromise agreement by not actually doing anything despite hassle from my union. They also haven't forwarded references to the supply agency that I signed up to (or I suspect some of the jobs that I applied for).

I am so scared that if I tell him, he'll decide to leave. He's been very judgemental about his brother who is also having debt problems, and I'm not sure what his reaction will be to having a wife in the same position.

I've spent the last two weeks getting my anxiety levels back to normal and now i feel that they are on the rise again.

Can anyone give me some advice?

bogusdruid

Finally started a conversation with husband about money - not the whole conversation yet, but a start. He mentioned somthing (can't remember what) and I just snapped back at him that when I said I had no money, I meant it. I followed this up with the fact that I've been trying to tell him I'm struggling, and he's doesn't want to listen to it.

We haven't had the detailed conversation yet, but at least I've managed an opening, and he's going to dump some money into my bank account tomorrow, and take charge of my debit card and give me 'pocket money' each week. He asked about my credit cards, and I told him that I'd frozen them, but he could retrieve them when he wanted.

rising_from_the_ashes

Well done on starting the conversation ..... it's a step in the right direction.

A quick comment from the previous page .....

bogusdruid wrote: »

Got the gas and electricity bills to try and sort out next - Had made a mistake on the sheet - we pay £131 per month for them combined. Just got to work out what our tariff actually is to make some savings there, but in the meantime have decided to update bills monthly to see if that brings the DD down.

Def go with submitting figures on a regular basis - do you know if you're account's accurate or in credit (hopefully) / debit?

TBH £131 / month is still really high so hopefully you should be able to get this down a bit (although it varies on house size & where you live, as a bit of a comparison, I pay a combined amount of £64 / month for both - 3 bed semi, in rural Scotland) HTH

Best of luck & hope you find a new school soon

bogusdruid

Have now submitted two fortnightly sets of readings for the gas and electric - showing a credit, and can't see that it's going to change too much - think to be honest that the DD for this is too high. Although to be fair we have had a dodgy boiler for the past 10 years, and now have a nice shiny new one. The other thing that we have now is an extension that is properly built with insulation - we had a crappy old lean-to before which was anything but heat proof! I've also reinstated the washing line, so the tumble drier isn't being used. I'm also trying to educate my husband on switching stuff off - easier said than done.

Have printed out two sets of budget forms - one for him and one for me, so that we can see what each of us can save.

Feel a bit more positive than I did earlier today - he seems to have a plan in place if the payoff from my workplace doesn't turn up on time - which as nothing else has, probably won't. Found another three jobs to apply for, and as I'm available to start immediately may be an advantage. He's gone through that with me tonight, so not too bad. Perhaps just feeling the strain of keeping a brave face on for the kids and trying to deal with all the s**t that's still happening from my ex-employers.

bogusdruid

When I posted my soa, someone commented that the water bill per month was too high, and implied that it could be lowered. How is that possible - I've looked into it and the only things I can find are the idea of reducing surface water drainage by using soakaways or going on a meter.

The idea of soakaways would be a good one if we hadn't just had our whole plumbing redone (to fix a leaky tap, would you believe!), and a meter is not a guaranteed reduction but will be looking at this as our kids are young at the moment and do not use loads of water (well, apart from the washing)

Does anybody have any other ideas about how to do this as I've always assumed that this rate was fixed.

determined_new_ms

ways to reduce water consumption:

1. showers instead of baths - always! (well we have 1 bath a week and bathe together) check how much water your shower kicks out (there are thingysto do this - sorry not sure what they are called). if its not very efficient you can install a little adaptor on the shower to reduce the water. alot of water companies will give you these free

2. controversially shower every other day & wash on alternate days

3. wash up instead of using dw

4. get a toilet hippo for the cistern (half a brick will do the same thing so the cistern only fills up 1/2). sorry its crass but not flushing the loo every time iyswim

5. only every do a full load of washing, run it when your elec is cheaper i.e. at night/late evening

6.

bogusdruid

Already have showers instead of baths, although can't do much about the kids baths (they are 2 and 4 and don't like the shower yet). New shower is a water saving one. We only run the dishwasher and washing machine when we have to, rarely use the hose pipe (loads of drought tolerant plants in the garden, and if the grass doesn't surivive, it doesn't stay!). Eco flushes on the new toilets.

Will probably try a water meter to see if that makes a difference

room512

If you're not on a water meter then as far as I'm aware then you pay a fixed cost regardless of how much water you use. We can't switch to a meter as we rent and the landlord doesn't want us to have a meter.