Bit of advice please, not sure what to do.

Nat1977

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DS4215

Is it your house, his house or one you got as a couple? - perhaps as a mother of four you should kick him out and let him go back to his mums.

Nat1977

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Nat1977

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Nat1977

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BitterAndTwisted

If he came into some money awhile ago why is he stiffing you on his fair share of the household bills? It's yet another way of abusing and controlling you. Keep a written record of all the outgoings and give him a copy then ask him for his share. What a bloody scumbag bully he is.

He sounds utterly vile and staying with him must have have done your children all sorts of damage. You don't have to stay where you are until you've squirrelled enough money away to get yourself and your children free from him. Please contact Women's Aid and see whether they can help you escape from your horrible prison.

Please be warned: controlling men who behave in the way your boyfriend has invariably step up their behaviour to another frightening level if they feel like their vice-like grip on you may be loosening. Do everything in your power to keep your plans secret or you could risk becoming another very unfortunate statistic.

gravitytolls

Just wanted to ditto bitter and twisted.

Look, you love him when he's being nice.... guess what, so do victims of domestic violence.

Now I'm not saying he will become violent, but aggressive behaviour, even if non physical, is frightening for adults, never mind for children. You're almost excusing him in some part with reference to how good he is with your son, how your son dotes on him. I wonder how much damage to your self esteem has been done? Now consider how much damage he is doing to your daughter.

None of you deserve to live in this toxic environment. Have you spoken to his mum about it? She must know why he accuses you of theft, you don't say if she was shocked that you had to ask her to back up the Christmas money stuff. Why does he have his post sent to his mum to open?

Does he smoke cannabis? Does he drink?

gravitytolls

You could contact the local authority near your mum, I don't hold out much hoe in London, but given the circumstances, you never know. Particularly if you have someone on your side to speak for you.

If you don't know where to go, CAB will advise you. Or the police.

floss2

Is there any way your mum could help you out with a deposit for a house for you & the children near to her?

Nat1977 wrote: »

...We also have 3 dogs, which he brought into the house, yet I am left to care for them and pick up their poo and clean their wee, as he wont house train them or take them for walks....

Oh, and DON'T even consider taking the dogs with you when you move - then your OH can look after them

floss2

TBH, I think you may be as well speaking to Womens Aid here as IMHO this seems to me to be abuse.

BitterAndTwisted

Nat1977 wrote: »

If I do leave, it is likely he will lose the house, his job etc and then blame me for it, and turn nasty.

It isn't a matter of if you leave but when. You said he has a well-paid job so why should he lose the house and why would you care? He doesn't deserve your care. Not when he's treated you so dreadfully and called you a dirty **** and a fat ****. I expect your son dotes on him because he's turning into a mini-Dad: he sees who holds the power in your home and is probably afraid to ally himself with who he perceives as the weakest and most vulnerable one. Maybe he's already learned from Dad that this is the way to treat women. Do you want your son to think and behave in precisely the same way when he's an adult?

Why would you worry about him turning nasty? He is loathsomely nasty already. How could he possibly be worse?

Speak to Women's Aid and find some help to get the hell out of there. If not for your own sake but for the well-being and sanity of your children