Wife to be with credit card problems!

MoonoverTunbridgeWells

I'm soon to marry a wonderful women, but shes in a bit of a mess with her Credit Cards. She currently has a debt of about £20000 and as she has a very low income this is becoming more and more of a problem. I've explained to her that she would best get in touch with her creditors to arrange payments, but she say that she "Can't cope with the stress of people calling for more money". I've even offered to handle the callers myself. As I pay all the household bills this is causing problems. I'm not on a great wage myself and there is the possabililty of redundency on the horizon. In a moment of madness I took out a loan of £10000 (her original debt was about £30000) to reduce her payments and she cut up a couple of the cards that were paid off, but I've since found out that she's starting running up a balance again on at least one of these cards!! She did try getting a consolidation loan, but was unsuccessful. I'm at the end of my tether really and could do with some advice.

Poosmate

Aw, it's highly commendable that you are working together with your wife to be as a team. However, as you have discovered, all your best intentions of helping her have, in fact, only enabled her to continue to spend more than she can afford.

I guess maybe the best way you can help her is not to bail her out again. Also, it was very fortunate that she couldn't get that consolidation loan as she obviously hasn't addressed her spending yet and a consolidation is definitely not for those who have not had what we al call their "Lightbulb Moment" (LBM).

As she is running up debts again, she seriously needs to stop spending what she can't afford. Once she does that, she will have a starting point from which her debts will start to reduce. She needs to realise how lucky she is in that she has you there to help her through this.

I would suggest you complete a SOA using the link below and you can post it on here for others to make suggestions on how best to tackle these debts.

http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

When you have sorted out who is owed what and what the interest rates are, use this link to find out how best to tackle those debts:

http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

Don't be scared of the debt free date it gives you, it doesn't take into account extra payments you may be able to make in the future or your ability to move your debt to lower interest/0% interest.

Hope that helps,

Poo

wannabee_in_credit

Hi,
I just wanted to say that in spite of all of your best intentions, if your fiancee hasn't realised the trouble she's in yet then there's no way that you'll be able to help her. She needs to see for herself and want to get out of the mess for herself. As Poo says, the best thing you could do for her is not to bail her out again. Then when she does have her lbm you can support her (but not pay for her).
Hope it all works out for you - good luck.

Bravehearted_2

So you too now owe 10k? Nothings changed then is it?

The solution is not to get yourself in debt for her. If she's spending more on the cards, so hasn't waken up to the debt clearly. Especially since she can't be bothered t even call the lenders. You might want to think about not bailing her out any more till she wakes up.

bluebird

She is an adult, she is spending more than she has, she is in debt, she has to face up to what she has done.

Do- not bail her out,how is she going to learn if you do that.Now all thats happened is ...You've now got debt.

Don't marry until she addresses her money problems,you cannot enjoy a happy marriage with debt strangling you both.

CashRequired

Sorry to hear you paid off the cards and she's run up more debt.

She needs to have whats called the "light bulb moment" for herself. She needs to want to pay it off, until then there's not much you can do. Fair play for taking out that loan, your obviously a decent bloke, but you'll end up worse off if she doesn't take responsibility for her spending.

scattydove

All I can really do is echo what everybody above has said. It is great that you have tried to help her in everyway possible, but this is something that she needs to do for herself....or at least reach the realisation that she needs help and needs to take action.

My mum bailed me out some time ago by doing exactly the same that you did, and took out a loan. As your fiancee did, I cut up my cards and promised never to use them again. In hindsight, what my mum should have done was stand over me whilst I called the cc companies and CANCELLED the accounts. Cutting up a card is fruitless, you can always get another one sent to you! That contributed to the pickle i'm in now and why i'm on these boards with you lovely people.

Be supportive without landing yourself in tons of debt too.

Poosmate

Bravehearted wrote: »

So you too now owe 10k? Nothings changed then is it?

The solution is not to get yourself in debt for her. If she's spending more on the cards, so hasn't waken up to the debt clearly. Especially since she can't be bothered t even call the lenders. You might want to think about not bailing her out any more till she wakes up.

That's a bit harsh. Obviously this woman is yet to have her lightbulb moment but she's obviously seen a glimmer otherwise she wouldn't have discussed with her partner her concern over her debt for him to take £10k of it for her.

People have to have their own lightbulb moments in order for them to be able to manage their debts. People have their lbm's at different stages. For some it's too late and there is no option but bankruptcy, for others it's just in the nick of time and they can manage on a DMP. Some of us are lucky enough to realise before any damage is done (i.e. we're not missing payments or making late payments) and are able to adjust our spending and devise a plan for our future finances.

Don't berate the OP because the penny hasn't dropped with his partner, he's only trying to help (albeit in not the most constructive way - but we live and learn).

MoonoverTunbridgeWells, all I can say to you is that if your partner doesn't have her own lightbulb moment and start living within her means, then you may have to resign yourself, if you are going to stay with this woman, that you will be stuck with a high maintenance wife. At least you are going into your marriage with your eyes wide open.

I really hope she gets that full-on lightbulb moment soon.

Poo

tallyhoh

Please dont have any joint finances until its sorted or you'll have problems as well.

Barbeduk

Ditto tallyhoh. And it is a harsh thing to say but I agree with the earlier post. Don't marry her until she's doing something to sort it all out. I had a partner who spent every penny he earned and then some, which meant all my money went on bills. Not much of a life is it? Left him 20 years ago, guess what? He never changed, he's still in debt now.

iolanthe07

I would run away as fast as my little legs would carry me. You are about to marry a woman with a low income and £20K (or £30K?) of debt that she won't/can't face. What can possibly go wrong?