To Marry or not? Pros and cons please

swingaloo

Probbly a strange thing to be asking for pros and cons but Im asking anyway.

Situation is -
Been together 14 years.
Im 60 and he is 48.
Did own a house and had made wills leaving all to each other but now we are in rented accomodation.
There are no large bank accounts on either side or inheritances to come.
Both have grown up children -me 1, him 2.
No joint accounts- both work and have our own accounts but there are no issues with who pays for what, we pull together.
We are very happy together and cant see any reason for that to change.

Now the issue- we have both been married before and when we met we both agreed that we did not want to marry. However so many years dow the line he has now decided that he feels the time is right and we should marry. It wasnt the most romantic proposal but I was still gobsmacked as he has always said he would never want to marry again and I was happy as we are.

Even though hes older than me he always says I will outlive him (quite how he knows this?:rotfl:) and now he says he 'feels' we should be married.

So, why do I not feel enthusiastic? Hes the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with!

He says thing will be easier to sort if one of us dies (that will be him then:A) but does it really make that much difference.

Is it better to be married?

fluffnutter

It's better to be married if you want to be married. Otherwise it's not.

bluebird

we've been married 25 years second time round for both of us,marriage is what you make it.some might say why ruin a good thing,if you're happy will that bit of paper change things,if you just said No then what are you worrying for.

a little confused as you stated you are 60 and he is 48 yet further down say 'even though he's older than me' so can only say age is just a number i'm 2 years older than my husband.

Wills are great things but you may need to update yours now the house is gone,are you planning on buying again?

If you are both happy why change things.

Hezzawithkids

The fact that you are asking the question means that for you its better not to.

swingaloo

Sorry to confuse, I meant to put 'younger than me'.
I suppose Im asking from the practical point of view, he keeps talking about his pension, tax issues, bank accounts etc but I dont know enough about it to know if there is any actual advantage. Its the 'next of kin' issue I suppose.

Kittendreich

One of my considerations was becoming next of kin (sorry, posted at the same time!). I wanted him to be in the position to decide things for me (life support, organ donation etc) if needed, without having to compromise with my parents (not that there are any issues there, but you never know what will come up in the future). Whilst this can be done legally without marrying...it is probably cheaper just to get married!

You don't need to have a big, fancy wedding - you can just quietly go and get married for the legal status and change nothing about your day-to-day life. It is 'just a bit of paper' and legalities aside changes nothing about your relationship. If you intend to live as man and wife forever and he wishes that to be formalised I don't see the harm unless you have specific objections to marriage. But, on the other side of the coin, you should only do it if you really want to otherwise it is not a truthful reflection of how you feel.

fluffnutter

swingaloo wrote: »

Sorry to confuse, I meant to put 'younger than me'.
I suppose Im asking from the practical point of view, he keeps talking about his pension, tax issues, bank accounts etc but I dont know enough about it to know if there is any actual advantage. Its the 'next of kin' issue I suppose.

There are enormous practical and financial advantages to being married. If this is your OH's argument, it's irrefutable. Not particularly romantic, to be fair, but irrefutable nonetheless.

Personally I think romance is overrated in terms of reasons to marry. If your only objection is that you don't realise what a practical or financial difference it will make, then I'd say get married.

Would you like to know what the advantages are?

Seanymph

I would like to know fn?

fannyanna

fluffnutter wrote: »

There are enormous practical and financial advantages to being married.

I've always been curious about what these are.

Dunroamin

There are quite a number of legal advantages in being married rather than living together. i'd look into it and see if any of them affect your situation.

-http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2010/feb/14/valentines-day-civil-marriage-rights

http://www.moneymagpie.com/article/cohabitation-agreements-finances

swingaloo

Yes I would please, thank you.