Need to get back on track - HELP

sonastin

I know that when I was depressed, the simplest of tasks were like a marathon. I could spent the entire day sat on the sofa thinking "I really should go and get some breakfast". Because breakfast usually meant cereal, and there was a good chance that the milk was off, and so I'd have to actually get showered and dressed and go down to the corner shop to get some fresh milk. And there wasn't a lot else in so rather than going to the corner shop I should really get in the car and go to the supermarket. Which means I need to get some petrol. And so on and so on. So I'd carry on sitting on the sofa thinking I'll go and do it in a minute and 4pm would roll round and I'd still hadn't had breakfast. Even though I could have had toast!

Point being that it is really easy to sit here and type suggestions like "clean the tiles while you're having a shower". And they do work at making it easier to get on top of the housework. But take it one step at a time. If you're having a bad day and having a shower is a mammoth task, don't add the pressure that you need to do anything more than just get yourself washed. But when you're having a good day, tackle the little steps without getting distracted by the big picture and soon you'll have it cracked.

There was a whole anecdote at a seminar I went to that lead up to this, but I only really remember the punchline...
"don't try to eat the whole elephant"!

cat_smith

My biggest problem is that when the Black Dog hits I start drinking. I 'Fly' and have days when I am like the Energiser Bunny. Then I have days when I sit in front of the TV doing nothing and drinking all day. My problem is feeling guilty - DH works long long hours and I am at home all day, so should be able to keep a clean and tidy house, particularly as we have no children.

OP - you are working and keeping a house. It may not be perfect, but you are functioning. Any progress you make is forward. The best thing I find from flyladies is the HHC. But I make it 'the whatever I feel up to challenge'. On a bad day this is whatever I can achieve in a commercial break while watching cr*p on TV. Feel proud that you are achieving as much as you do.

minniemaus1970

Hi,
Depression is a bu**er! You are doing a lot better than you think you do!! Pat on the back and keep up the good work x

It hit me 8 yrs ago when we moved to a different town, I felt so lonely and isolated, after 3 months my now ex decided instead of supporting me to start an affair and leave me and kids.
That's when it hit me the hardest, suddenly ALL on my own and 2 kids in a strange location and only HIS family for support.....:(
I experienced panic attacks for the first time in my life and couldnt cope at all.
Medication didn't work for me, so I kinda sunk rock bottom and then slowly back up. The slightest thing would have me in tears or I would panic and hyper ventilate!
The things to do list was too big for me to cope, just the thought of having to move yet again and find somewhere for me and the kids was overwhelming, never mind the day to day tasks.
One of my friends said to write everything ' in my head' on seperate 'post it's' to get that list out of my mind (I couldn't sleep at night which wasnt helping).
anyways I had fridge full of yellow post its with things to do and everyday I would take one I thought I could manage. The kids would do little tasks to. After a while I would have multiple things on them and then even have them in order of importance......
Babysteps is the key, It took a long time to get back to normal a key thing I did was go to counceling, it helped to speak to someone inpartial and objective, also I had to change my way of thinking and turn even bad memories into good ones, not to beat myself up about everything.
Noone is perfect, we all make mistakes and try and laugh about them instead of being too serious.
Also my mum said: houswork doesn't go anywhere, it still be there when u ready to face it< so true, why worry about something that doesn't move?
step one:
you have to learn to be your positive self again
you say something is missing in your cooking and that you failed.....
change it to : I am a great mum, I cooked, I put a little salt in and some gravy thickener
try and look for something positive in a bad memory or situation.
I had a reaaly bad job for 6 months, got bullied, screamed at, humiliated and not paid for the last month - whats the 'silverlining'? I eventually told him where to stick it, told him he was a bully and left. I stood up for myself, I learned something! I also knew my way around the new town I lived in ( it was a courier job). It's never all bad.
do that with everything everyday and soon it better again.
step two:
try and smile
I learned how to smile even when I didn't feel like it, your brain releases a happy hormone when you put a smile on, even when its a fake smile, also people respond positive to you when u smile ( it becomes a win win)
step 3
say 'I love you' it s nice to say it and to hear it. even tell yourself when you re in front of the mirror!! it does work , akward at first but eventually you feel better.
Don't trust your brain, it playes games with you! It depends on certain chemicals to function properly!

Sometimes you have to tell your brain to shut up so can hear your heart.
Keep up the good work
*hug*
MM

minniemaus1970

Oh, and don't worry about cooking,
I buy ready made pastry, can't make pastry to save my life
if stews are bland put a littlebit of mustard in, or tomato paste, or worcester sauce, are some salt.
Too thin? Cornflour or some Bisto.....
don't let all these chefs on TV intimidate you.
MM

snowleopard61

The trouble with being depressed is: everything that makes running a home and family seem easy depends on being organised, systematic and proactive, but it's precisely the ability to be that way that deserts you when you're depressed. So it feels impossible, so you don't do it, and it builds up and feels all the more overwhelming, which is even more depressing ...

Believe me, you are doing brilliantly already by being able to think about making things better, and you will do it - just not overnight. Good luck.

One tip, re casseroles etc - throw a lot of onions at them, preferably browned first. Buy chopped frozen onions if necessary; at a time like this they're worth it.;)

cutestkids

I would take it slowly start by saying right I will make one nice tasty homecooked meal this week and do it even if it is just a pot of soup.

The following week set a target of two nights of homecooked meals and so on till you have built up to the full week.

Start with simple things like pasta, cottage pie, macaroni cheese.

As for pastry I can't make it either so I buy it ready made.

Watch out for when it is on offer, I got 5 blocks of puff pastry in the reduced section of my local Co-op reduced down to 35p each, have stuck them in the freezer I couldnt have made it that cheap using butter flour etc.

Take it a step at a time and approach the housework in the same way, say to yourself Right today I will make sure that the dishes are all done and put away and the sink is cleaned round before I go to bed, that way when you get up tommorrow it is one less thing to face, then add clearing the worktops, then mop the floors the following day so you are doing a bit at a time and adding to the workload each day.

And the most important thing is not to be too hard on yourself and do not take on too much.