Need to get back on track - HELP

PipneyJane

Hi Hun. Don't be so hard on yourself - you are brave, strong and courageous. Proof? You reached out and asked for help. Depression often makes us look at the world through blinkers, where everyone else appears perfect and trouble free, so that we can hate ourselves more for not measuring up. Reality is that everyone has problems and nobody is perfect.

How old are your kids? Can they take on household chores? For instance, can they do their own laundry? (I started doing mine before I turned 10. Have a burn scar on the back of my left hand to prove it.) They will soon learn to do it, if you refuse to do it for them once you have shown them how. You are teaching them independence, which puts you firmly in the Good Mummy category.

As someone else said, tackle the house in baby steps. It didn't get that way in half an hour so don't expect it to be tidied in half an hour either.

Good luck.

yorkiepud_2

I think you've set yourself too many tasks OP.
If your kids are clean and not hungry you've met their important needs, and instead of worrying about having a clean and tidy house I think you need to go out with them and run around and have a laugh and get some fun in your life. You don't say what ages they are but I doubt that they'll care what's in their packed lunch or if there's fluff on the carpet - mine certainly don't (and would actually prefer to eat any old carp than the decent healthy foods I cook when I get the chance).

I second what another poster said regarding seeing your GP again - maybe try some different meds or get some therapy.
And make sure that there's something in your life that you find fun, just for you. A perfect house wouldn't make me as happy as an afternoon out with my kids, or even popcorn and chocolate infront of the telly.

jackie_w

gosh thank you so much for all the replies.

I am definitely going to take on board everything you have all said.

I haven't managed to do any housework today because I was working, then I went shopping and having to take the kids to their clubs, BUT I did make a nice pasta dish.
It wasn't anything fancy just a jar of spicy tomato sauce, some smoked sausages, veg and pasta all cooked together with some garlic bread. I know it's not exactly home made but its definitely better than what ive made in the past.

from tomorrow I will try to tackle one room at a time.

Once again many thanks for all your replies, it's really nice of you all to take the time to reply.

ButterflyKisses

Hi :hello:

I struggle to do much round the house after I get home from work, so when I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the housework on my days off (it does tend to mount up a bit!) I try and break it down into little bite sized pieces.

So... if I run a bowl of water for washing up I might fold all the washing and put it in a pile while the water's running. I put things in piles for which room they belong in and when I go in there to get something, I drop that pile off on the way. Then I can sort it out next time I pop in there. If I have a shower I might clean the tiles while I'm in there, or clean the sink while brushing my teeth.

When I've buzzed about for 10-15 mins, I sit down for the same amount of time as I feel I've 'earned' it. I then don't feel as bad getting up to do a bit more if I know it's not going to last long!

Triggles

I think it's important not to try to do all the changes at once. Do some little things and do them consistently throughout the week. Then add a couple more little things. Then you're not overwhelmed and you can gradually see the good changes coming about.

Best of luck!

farmerswife75

Hi,

I've had depression for the past 3 years, totally took me by surprise! I let things slip, i don't know how my kids survived when i was at my lowest.
I've found that doing little things motivates me quite a bit, even the kids tell me how well i've done when i manage to hoover the stairs.

I make all my meals from scratch, i rely mostly on casseroles/stews during winter because i know that i can knock one together and leave it to cook without me having to faff on all day. I love it when i come home with the kids and i've got the supper sorted.

Small steps and you'll be well on your way, if you need any help just ask!

Jx

Cheapskate

I'm sitting watching a hoarder programme whilst on MSE, and feeling more depressed than ever by the state of our home, too! Having had our older two children (25 & 23) staying with us, separately, from January until two weeks ago, all that clutter and stress added to what was already there, but I think I've reached the bottom now, because I can finally look up and see a minute chink of light miles above me.

I've started doing little jobs every time I go into a room, like picking stuff up instead of stepping over it, clearing up the kitchen after every meal or snack, and, little by little, I'm going to get there, so please do follow the advice OP - they're a fantastic bunch here!

A xo

shebrett

oxtail stew

enough oxtail for 4
onion
carrots (3)
dried thyme (1 tsp)
dried rosemary (1 tsp)
chopped tomatoes (1 tin)
beef stock (300ml)
chicken stock (300ml)
balsamic vinegar (50ml)


brown oxtail in a casserole dish with olive oil and salt, remove from dish and then cook chopped onions, carrots and herbs for a few minutes or until onions are soft.

add the remaining ingredients and stir until combined then put the oxtail back in and ensure it is covered in liquid. If not, add more chicken stock with a glug or two of vinegar until covered.

bring back to boil then turn down heat to a simmer and cook for about 2 hours or until meat is falling from bone. Then cook with lid off for 30 minutes so that sauce thickens.

Note: you can use fresh stock but I find stock cubes work fine as you are cooking the heck out of it so it seems pointless to waste homemade stock. Hope that helps, you can use the same recipe for most lamb and beef cuts and no alcohol means the kid friendly.

monnagran

You deserve bouquets, wild applause and a quick burst of the Hallelujah Chorus just for getting up in the morning if you have the black dog.

Regarding housework I am a fan of the Kitchen timer - 5, 10, 15 minutes whatever you think you can manage, and the dot-to-dot method. Clear up one little patch like a coffee table, throw everything on it into a box if you can't face sorting it and polish the wood and maybe clear up a bit round it. Next time you can face doing something do another patch, perhaps a chair or a shelf. Eventually the room gets cleared.

Cooking? Make it easy. Pasta dishes are very forgiving and a jar of sauce, some cheese and maybe some veg mixed with some cooked pasta and baked a bit is quick and easy.
Certainly buy ready-made pastry etc. this is no time to be Earth Mother.
Packed lunches - cherry tomatoes, washed carrots, Babybel cheeses- rolled up slices of ham, a buttered roll or crispbread and piece of fruit. Healthy, attractive and nothing much for you to do.

Just know that you're not alone. Most of us have been there and survived and we can support you.

Baby steps lovey. You'll get there.

optimistic

Frozen Puff pastry is one of my stand bys! I just thaw for a couple of hours and then turn out wonderful pies - meat (cook up a bolognese type mince recipe) or fruit (I use frozen berries - thaw, add sugar and top with pastry, or fold in grated cheese and cut into slices and there's cheese straws - good to pop in lunch boxes. The family are impressed by the look and taste and I'm impressed by the lack of effort on my part!
I've heard several TV chefs say that they use it too.

take care X