Need to get back on track - HELP

jackie_w

Hi,

For the past....well almost a year, I've suffered from depression, and I've let my home go and am stuck in a rut with regards to dinners.

I NEED to try and get my home in order and cook proper meals for my family.........but I don't know where to start.

I try to get some sort of order in the home with regards to the housework, but after maybe an hour or so, I get so overwhelmed and I give up.

With food, I try to think of nice meals to make, but, my mind comes to a complete blank. For the past few months, I've bought horrible processed dinners which isn't good for my families health or my bank balance.

I don't know where I start with cooking meals. My family love everything except fish.
They love casseroles but I don't know how to make them taste nice. I would love to make a nice lamb, chicken or beef casseroles.
Pies wound be nice, but I'm hopeless at the pastry. Im also hopeless when it comes to baking.

I just feel like a failure when it comes to looking after my family and of course that makes the depression worse!!!!!

Can anyone give me any advice please.

TiaBaby

hi there, the best advice I could give would be to point you toward the Flylady threads. The list gives you day by day bite size chores that you can pick at to start to make a difference in the house, they certainly help me to focus and I get a real sense of achievement when I can 'tick off' one job at a time.

Hope this helps

mum2one

First thing I would say is, hi, and wow, youve got a lot planned, but remember rome wasn't built in a day.

You need to talke care of yourself with depression, (I suffer to), sometimes I have a big list, and then when I start and can't get anywhere, thats it i'm back to square one.

Try and help if I can.

Housework.
This may sound mad, but grab a notebook and do room by room, don't think of it as what I haven't done, or I've let slip, look at it as a fresh pair of eyes, - ask yourself( Do the same with all the rooms)

1. - What needs doing in this room, break it down into smaller tasks, wash walls, hoover floor, dust side, clothes away.

2. I noticed you mentioned family, I don't know how old your children are, but break the tasks down to the family, even if its putting your own socks away (hubby included, only joking). Even if they can take one task off you all helps.

3.Set yourself a time - say 15 mins, 30 mins, - then do as much as you can do in that time, pick a couple of jobs, then set yourself a reward - even if its a bubblebath, or read chapter in a book.

May take a month to get the housework back to schedule, but your soon find you fit so much into that allocated time slot.

----
Pastry - I cheat, I use pastry mix and just add water, 2 reasons, - I have hot hands and also its as cheaper than using the individual ingredinets.

Pie - Start with something simple -
Minced Beef and onion pie (base for shepherds pie) could double up and put a shepherds pie in the freezer

Sausage plait - either use 1lb pack of sausage meat or sausages and de-skin them, add 1 chopped onion, layer down middle of the pastry - cross sides over as plait

Sausage Pie - same sausage and onion mix, bake for 30 mins (gas 5) top with grated cheese, add sliced tomato around the edge - cook for 20 mins (done)

-
Casseroles

Have you a slow cooker - theres a great thread on slow cooker meals or do same in the oven.

-Sausage and Tomato casserole=
1lb sausages
1 onion chopped
2 tins tomatoes (chopped or mash through a sieve if not chopped)
1 tin baked beans
1 sliced pepper

---
1. Fry or grill sausages till browned, pop into casserole dish
2. fry onion - add to sausages
3. add chopped pepper
4. add 2 tins toms, 1 beans stir well
5. Bake for 1 hr gas 4 /160C

---

Beef in Red Wine

1lb stewing streak
1 onion
1/2lb bacon (use off cuts, streaky bacon)
glass red wine (can use more if you want to)
3 tablespoons gravy granules
1 pt water
small bit oil for frying
1lb mushrooms

1. Brown beef all over add to casserole dish
2. Brown onion add to dish
3. fry bacon add to dish
4, make gravy with hot water and red wine
5. mix all together with meat and onions
6. cook gas mark 3 for 2 hrs
7. add chopped mushrooms
8. may need to add a bit more gravy mix
9. cook for 1 1/2hrs

add any frozen veg to this

i usually serve with jacket potato

All serve 4 people.

---

Just take one day at a time,

xx

Anna_Glypta

Hi Jackie

Do you have a slow cooker - they are a great way to make nutricious and tasty meals and you can use cheaper cuts of meat too. If you have a search around the internet you will find some simple recipes. For instance in the last couple of weeks I've made a minced turkey and chocolate chilli (sounds weird but it worked!), beef with ginger, a whole chicken which I used the left overs in chicken pie (shop bought pastry) and chicken gumbo which can all be frozen if you have extra portions - the possibilities are endless. The best thing is that you can generally pop it all in the pot, turn it on and leave it for 7 (ish) hours and come back to a yummy dinner. Makes the house smell good too!

Best of luck :-)

jackie_w

Ok this is the 3rd time I'm typing this, hopefully it works or my laptop is going through the window.

Thank you for your replies.

I do ask the kids to clean their rooms but it's done half hearted. I don't tell them to do more because they have been through a terrible time with me this past year.
DH usually take the kids away at the weekend so I get some time to myself, and during the week he works long shifts so I don't ask him to help. this isn't because he would moan etc, it's more that I would like to get the house in order myself and then they can help keep it tidy (does the make sense).

I do have a slow cooker and would like to use it more often. In the past whenever I've tries to make something it has tastes horrible, usually too watery or too thick, ie chicken casserole. It's like there's something missing and this goes for chilli and spag Bol.
I would like to make more soup but am at a blank as to what kind because again, its like there is something missing. I have oxtail in the freezer, and would like to make oxtail soup but don't know how to.

I will try the suggestion of one room at a time and I think I will start with the bathroom and take it from there.

I just want to be a good mum and sometimes with the way my kids go out and what's in their luch boxes people must think badly of me

mum2one

Jackie - Your a brilliant mum, if you weren't you wouldn't be worrying about the house or food.

Kids and lunch boxes there 2 words that don't mix, - as long as there getting fed, there soon say there hungry.

My daugters room is a pig sty, theres times where I could just cry, it just belongs on the floor, the amount of times I've gutted it and shes messed it up, I'd be rich if I had a £1 for everytime I asked her to tidy up.

I know what you mean about doing it yourself, but maybe one weekend get the kids to help in the house, pastry making, - use the bulk for a piem have some over and they could make jam tarts.

Have a root through on the net for slow cooker recipe books or maybe one sunday go and have a wonder round a carboot, you should be able to get a slowcooker book cheap.

def agree re the one room, as once you have up and running, then its not going to need as much attention.

xxx

sonastin

Maybe you should come over to the messies thread rather than flyladies. Over there its about not beating yourself up for not getting things done and celebrating the little things you can manage.

Motto should be babysteps. Make sure that each little thing you achieve is allowed to cheer you up - don't focus on the things still to do. Don't try to tackle everything at once. Allow yourself to take time out and not worry that you should be spending time on the house. Spend the evening watching what you like on TV but in the gap between shows or in the ad breaks, get up and do *something* - load the dishwasher, wash up, take some stuff upstairs, fold laundry, clean the toilet or whatever. And when the show is back on, sit down and enjoy it again. You'll soon make a dent in what you need to do to get the house straight without feeling too overwhelmed by the task.

When it comes to cooking, more babysteps. You don't have to go from upwrap&ping ready meals straight to making everything completely from scratch. Cheat with jars of sauces, packet mixes, etc - add them to fresh ingredients so that its not completely processed carp but you're not too responsible for the flavours. When you're feeling more up to it, you can start making your own sauces and flavourings and stuff but why put yourself in the position where you knock yourself for *another tasteless meal* - which pretty much describes most of my attempts at cooking from scratch!

Make a little change towards where you want to be. Don't try to fix the whole problem in one week. Reward yourself for each improvement and you'll soon be back on top of things.

BitterAndTwisted

Kids don't clean their rooms properly? Close the door and don't look at it again.

Can't get to grips with the housework? Brake it down into ten minute chunks and then reward yourself with a nice cup of tea. Then another ten minute chunk. If it's all too overwhelming, then do some tidying up and put things away. A home looks automatically cleaner if it's more tidy.

Can't do good pastry? Buy it with a clear conscience. I do. It's not that expensive and cheap at the price if it takes some pressure off.

Can't think of nice soups? Get a recipe book from the library for some inspiration.

Rubbish casseroles? Brown the meat before you bung itt in the slow-cooker. Too thin can be thickened with cornflour and the flavour perked up with a bit of Marmite, brown sause, Lee & Perrins or something of that ilk.

Don\t sweat too much over it all, just take one small step at a time. Easy to say and hard to do, I know but you'll get there if you take it gradually and pat yourself on the back every time you do get something right. Sometimes when you're depressed or have been just getting out of bed and brushing your hair is a major achievement. Try to build on it.

Never forget: no-one ever went to jail for not having a clean and tidy enough house or buying convenience foods when they had to.

lizzyb1812

I second all the advice given, but would add that you might need to think about going to your GP and getting your medication reviewed - if you are on any. And try to think of doing just one thing at a time rather than trying to clean, tidy, cook, make better lunch boxes, etc, etc all at once.

miasnanny

Bless your heart. I too have depression and it is so hard. You are NOT a rubbish Mum/Wife, you are courageous and brave because you are asking for help.

I have started following the Flylady thread and I have found so much inspiration there. Just by doing the dailies and level 1 things by the end of the first week the difference was really obvious. This week has been a bit more difficult as I have had a lot of pain and have fallen down a few times (normal for me) but even so I have managed to stay on top of things and even make a little progress.

There is a wealth of recipes on these boards and what I would suggest is that you set a cooking timer and do one task for just 10 minutes, then reward yourself with a cuppa and browse the boards looking at cooking tips and recipes for 10 minutes. Just repeat the 10 & 10. Remember that your home didn't get into a mess overnight and it won't be put to rights overnight either. Take it hour by hour and don't give yourself expectations you can't hope to meet or a hard time when you fall off the wagon so to speak.

Good Luck and remember that people here are more than willing to help you xx

DebtFree2012

Didn't wanna read and run - just to say use the advice here and you will be fine. Good luck.x