Child Maintenance Payments - advice wanted

BigAunty

I went through this with my brother many years ago who was full of invective about paying towards his son, again like the OP not wanting to put anything into the general household expenses where his son lived and just wanting to spend the money directly on treats and clothes. I think he paid about £50 a month then, the kind of sum he'd spend on beer with his buddies in a week.

I think the CSA system is unwieldly and inefficient but I can at least see why it exists because so many non-resident parents have values that are very much about them and their child and not about the child in totality.

duchy

You said it so much better than I did !

joecool77

duchy wrote: »

Why Oh Why do so many men regard Child Support as a method of control ?

It's a sum calculated to support a child's living costs......and I am so very tired of the implied threat "If I have to pay the full amount I'll stop treating my child to extras" It's a bit like saying "If I have to pay the electric bill I can't afford treats for my child" Well yes-that's right-it's a decision many families are making at the moment. Just because you don't live with your child doesn't negate your responsibility for the normal level of support so you have spare cash to look good in their eyes supplying treats at the expense of basics !

Why not just pay what you are supposed to be paying according to the law and stop trying to exert control over a family you no longer have daily involvement with -which presumably to one degree or another is by your own choice ? My son's relationship with his father was damaged by these kind of silly games as he got old enough to work out for himself (and by his father's comments) what was going on. No-one wins in that situation.

To address your incorrect assumptions:

Firstly my concerns are not about having spare cash to buy treats for either myself or my son. They are about having the money to meet my basic financial needs. I do not spend any money on myself socialising etc as I know I don't have it to spend. At no point have I tried to evade my responsibilities as a father, quite the opposite As you would have read in my original post for a period of time I was paying over and above the suggested amount of maintenance as well as having the cost of feeding my son etc which reduces the financial burden on his mum.

Why don't I "pay what I am supposed to pay"? because as I explained in my situation this isn't an accurate way of calculating a fair amount due to me taking a more involved approach to being a father and seeing my son as much as I can. Another way of looking at it is if my son stayed overnight on all the evenings I see him I would effectively be the parent with the main responsibility of care. The only additional cost to me would be of giving him breakfast in the mornings which would be more than cancelled out by the amount I would save on fuel. On top of that I would be the one receiving tax credits and maintenance payments. The point I am trying to make is that I am not someone who sees his son every now and then and objects to supporting him or his mother financially but someone who spends almost equal time with him with equal costs of living that I cannot meet. I wouldn't have it any other way and our relationship is fantastic because of the time we spend together and the effort I have made to see him.

No it was in no way my decision to not be a family anymore, I fought tooth and nail to stop it happening however my ex had already become involved with a workmate.

I hope this makes things a bit clearer.

Maybe I haven't explained the situation clearly enough but in short my question was this:

If I have taken on a significant share of extra costs of being a parent which in turn reduces the financial pressure on his mum am I being unreasonable in wanting to pay less maintenance to balance. I am no better off financially than if I paid the full amount and only saw my son once a week. At the moment I am effectively doing both.

Marisco

No joe, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If you have equal care of him then you should pay less to make up for the CB and CTC that the PWC gets. Otherwise you'll be paying twice, once for maintenance and again for the amount you spend when he is with you. If you can come to an amicable arrangement so much the better, but if not then unfortunately it's your son that will suffer as you won't be able to afford to pay everything. I just wish some PWC's would see that!!

My oh's ex expected him to pay the mortgage, her debts, his own bills and pay the CSA!! I just wish money had those elastic properties she obviously thought it did!

Joe has to live and pay bills and stuff for his son as well, without the "benfit" of extra benefits that comes with having a child.

juliep123

Hi Joe
I'm sure that the CSA take into account the overnight stays and deduct it from the amount of maintenance to be paid - check the website or give them a ring to clarify this.
I also don't think that you are being unreasonable
Good luck
Jules

joecool77

Thanks for the above comments, just to clarify the csa are not involved, the maintenance payments are arranged between myself and my son's mum.