Frustrated for my kids

gettingthere1975

I separated from my childrens dad a long time ago, courts stopped his access as he was continually flouting the court orders.

He now has a new partner and kids, he has never financially supported our 2 kids but thats another story.

In the entire time we have been separated my kids have never had a birthday/xmas card or present.

Recently it was my sons birthday and my ex's partner called (albeit on the wrong day) to ask if her kids could wish him Happy Birthday, i agreed and they had quite a sweet conversation.

Then ensued a discussion where our kids asked why they couldnt see their half brothers, i made it quite clear i had no problem as long as it was in a contact centre for all of their sakes as their father has threatened to take them out of the country before now.

We contacted the ex's partner on FB and offered to arrange contact for all the kids in a contact centre, she accepted and said she'd call me the following week to arrange.

I've heard nothing, it's over a month now, i dont have her phone number as she witheld it, i had called the contact centre and got all the details, my kids were thrilled and now they've been let down again. They are both teenagers so they understand what has happened and that it's not because i didnt try to arrange it but i'm so frustrated for them and angry :mad:

Caroline_a

Why not contact her again on FB? or alternatively let the kids contact each other direct if that is an option?

gettingthere1975

Her 2 are quite young so not computer literate.

I know i could message her through FB but i guess my point is should i keep bothering when she is not making the effort, it was exactly the same when i split with my ex, i did all the chasing for him to have contact etc and he just did nothing, just feels a bit like de ja vu if i'm honest .

Pollycat

gettingthere1975 wrote: »

Recently it was my sons birthday and my ex's partner called (albeit on the wrong day) to ask if her kids could wish him Happy Birthday, i agreed and they had quite a sweet conversation.

I'm curious as to why it's your ex's partner (and not your ex) who made contact.

What was said to your son (if anything) about his Dad during the conversation?
Did your son even speak to his Dad?

Maybe your ex's partner did it without his knowledge and he's gone ballistic about her getting in touch?

Maybe she thought it was a good idea at the time but has now had second thoughts?

I might be inclined to try to contact her one more time through whatever means you can but I do feel you might be flogging a dead horse.

It's very sad that your children have been let down again.

gettingthere1975

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm curious as to why it's your ex's partner (and not your ex) who made contact.

What was said to your son (if anything) about his Dad during the conversation?
Did your son even speak to his Dad?

Maybe your ex's partner did it without his knowledge and he's gone ballistic about her getting in touch?

Maybe she thought it was a good idea at the time but has now had second thoughts?

I might be inclined to try to contact her one more time through whatever means you can but I do feel you might be flogging a dead horse.

It's very sad that your children have been let down again.

I think she was trying to establish a relationship between the kids tbh which i dont have a problem with, she seems nice enough, god knows how my ex managed to land her LOL

The kids told their dad a few months ago that they want nothing to do with him, they got fed up with him harassing them and myself and my fiance on websites, forums etc.

I think i'll send her another message on FB saying that we are disappointed to not have heard from her and see wht happens. Certainly not mentioning it to my 2 though, there's only so much kids can take.

Person_one

Maybe your ex partner has put the brakes on it, does that seem likely?

VfM4meplse

I'm sure it was an altruistic step, but wonder whether your ex's partner knows what you went through with him, and why there has been no access?

And am also wondering why you haven't divorced him as yet?

gettingthere1975

TBH i dont suppose she knows even half of what went on, i know that she is in a very similar situation to mine in that she works full time to support the family and he does cash in hand work hence no maintenance etc. A friend of hers contacted us when he was harassing us and told us that he treats her exactly as he did me which was nothing short of shambolic.

I did wonder if she had told him and he put the brakes on it, silly really because it doesn't really help the kids.

I did divorce him as soon as i could, we've been divorced over 11 years now :j

VfM4meplse

gettingthere1975 wrote: »

A friend of hers contacted us when he was harassing us and told us that he treats her exactly as he did me which was nothing short of shambolic.

I wonder why she is still with him? I would personally leave it well alone, otherwise you'll find yourself dragged back iinto a mess.

CH27

gettingthere1975 wrote: »

TBH i dont suppose she knows even half of what went on, i know that she is in a very similar situation to mine in that she works full time to support the family and he does cash in hand work hence no maintenance etc. A friend of hers contacted us when he was harassing us and told us that he treats her exactly as he did me which was nothing short of shambolic.

I did wonder if she had told him and he put the brakes on it, silly really because it doesn't really help the kids.

I did divorce him as soon as i could, we've been divorced over 11 years now :j

Or he has manipulated her to make contact as he knows it will play mind games with your children.

tod123

Then ensued a discussion where our kids asked why they couldnt see their half brothers, i made it quite clear i had no problem as long as it was in a contact centre

I would have an issue with this if I was the other party.

The reason is, its your side who is asking for contact, the other side dont seem bothered from what you wrote. Then you start adding conditions about how and where your wishes can be carried out.

Dad probably said "So she wants to organise a meeting for the kids, and then she wants to say it has to be in a contact centre blah blah blah, maybe lets just not bother?"