Frustrated for my kids

gettingthere1975

tod123 wrote: »

I would have an issue with this if I was the other party.

The reason is, its your side who is asking for contact, the other side dont seem bothered from what you wrote. Then you start adding conditions about how and where your wishes can be carried out.

Dad probably said "So she wants to organise a meeting for the kids, and then she wants to say it has to be in a contact centre blah blah blah, maybe lets just not bother?"

I cannot trust my ex with my children or his family, he arrived in the country on a diplomatic visa, he has no right to be residing in the UK as his visa and passport expired and has made it quite clear he will have no issues obtaining false passports and taking the children out of the country.

I only instigated contact in a centre for the kids as my 2 felt they would like to know their half brother. She was also instigating a relationship by asking if her kids could wish happy birthday to one of mine.

None of this was any 4 of the kids fault, i dont want the hassle of my ex but for my kids sake and following their wishes i tried to set this up, beginning to wish i haden't bothered because it is upsetting.

VfM4meplse

gettingthere1975 wrote: »

I cannot trust my ex with my children or his family, he arrived in the country on a diplomatic visa, he has no right to be residing in the UK as his visa and passport expired and has made it quite clear he will have no issues obtaining false passports and taking the children out of the country.

Take a pre-emptive strike and shop him to the UKBA. You've got nothing to lose.

Pollycat

tod123 wrote: »

I would have an issue with this if I was the other party.

The reason is, its your side who is asking for contact, the other side dont seem bothered from what you wrote. Then you start adding conditions about how and where your wishes can be carried out.

Dad probably said "So she wants to organise a meeting for the kids, and then she wants to say it has to be in a contact centre blah blah blah, maybe lets just not bother?"

I think you'll find, Tod, that it was the OP's ex's partner who first instigated contact by ringing to wish the OP's son Happy Birthday.

I don't find it unreasonable for the OP's teenage children to then start asking if they can meet their half-siblings.

The OP clearly explained in her first post why she wanted any meeting to be in a contact centre.
She also explained that her ex's partner was agreeable to a meeting.

Perhaps you should read posts properly before criticising.

gettingthere1975

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Take a pre-emptive strike and shop him to the UKBA. You've got nothing to lose.

Been there and done that LOL

Because he works cash in hand, doesnt register on council tax, NI etc or hold a bank account, passport or driving license they cant trace him as no address, CSA cant find him either and they are like dogs with bones LOOOL

JimmyTheWig

Would they trust you to have their children at your place? Given that you've got no reason to do a runner with them, that might work better all round.

But I agree with the others. You need to contact this woman again and find out what's happening. It it's all called off then you need to know this to tell your children.
It might have just been a communication mix-up - she might have thought you were going to contact her.

Ultimately, though, I think you need to be prepared to do the leg work (as you seem to have been doing) as it is your children who have asked about meeting up.

JimmyTheWig

gettingthere1975 wrote: »

Been there and done that LOL

Because he works cash in hand, doesnt register on council tax, NI etc or hold a bank account, passport or driving license they cant trace him as no address, CSA cant find him either and they are like dogs with bones LOOOL

Can't they contact the partner via Facebook?

gettingthere1975

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Can't they contact the partner via Facebook?

Government agencies arent allowed to access social media sites for that sort of thing, ridiculous really..........

I will message her again and see if there is a simple explanation, unf if she doesnt reply i have no other way of contacting her as she witheld her number.

barbiedoll

gettingthere1975 wrote: »

I cannot trust my ex with my children or his family, he arrived in the country on a diplomatic visa, he has no right to be residing in the UK as his visa and passport expired and has made it quite clear he will have no issues obtaining false passports and taking the children out of the country.

This sounds quite alarming to me. Are you sure that he's not having ideas about moving abroad and taking all of the kids with him? It's odd that his GF should contact you and get her kids to speak with yours, especially after no previous contact. It's almost as if they're using the younger half-siblings as bait. You did the right thing by insisting that they use a contact centre to meet. The fact that it's all gone quiet, could mean that his plans have been thwarted for now.

Of course, it could just be that his GF wants the kids to all be in contact and why not? It's a nice thing to do. But why did she withhold her number? You don't sound the type who would hassle them on the phone. It's all a bit strange if you ask me.

Tuesday_Tenor

The 'using the younger half-siblings as bait' is quite possible and you need to be very, very careful.

At a less manipulative level, the Ex who just wants to stay 'hidden' can't afford to let the children meet. Sooner or later his 'new' children will let your own children know where they live and what school they go to. In his situation as you describe it, I don't really understand how you thought it would be possible for the children to meet ...

Same goes for the other mother too - how did she think it would be possible? EITHER she was well-intentioned but wasn't thinking clearly, and he's now livid/scared that the idea of meeting has been mooted at all OR she's (knowingly or unknowingly) got involved with dangling this 'bait'.

All seems very peculiar to me - and very hard to explain to your children. I wish you the best in finding your way through this.