Overwhelmed by debt problems & its going to get much much worse

cfc1963

I am currently about £14,000 in debt - I have two loans one for £7500 and the other for £5000 plus a credit card debt of £1900 and am struggling to pay these atm. My ex- husband has today informed me that he will no longer be paying any maintenance to our two children - one is 19 and about to start university in September and the other (17) will be starting a college course in September. I live 250 miles away with my new husband (we got married a month ago and he knows nothing about my debts - not the best way to start a marriage - but as a hard working man with no debts in his life apart from the mortgage I just feel too ashamed to tell him. He pays all the bills - but obviously nothing towards my two daughtes - I would never expect him too either. Well apart from trying to pay my debts on a very small wage (am currently looking for another job that will pay more money even though I absolutely love the job that I do) the other thing giving me sleepless nights is trying to support my daughter through uni! She is unable to get a grant (because of my husband's wages) and her maintenance loan will be small - again due to my husbands wages - she is planning on living away from home and my guilt is crippling me that I can offer her no financial support.

I am considering a dmp or some thing similar - but again am so scared how this will affect my husband's credit by association - I have spoken to a couple of companies who assure me that it goes on my credit rating - which will be worthless after a dmp - but wont affect him or our address - is this true?

I am snappy (not good for a newly wed) - cant sleep and really just cannot concentrate on anything for too long because of this.

Some advice or reassurance wouldnt go a miss.

Thanks

Niv

Posting a SOA may help.

With respect to your daughter, she may not be able to get a grant, but she can get a student loan. I know some will think starting off your working life in debt is a bad thing but the reality in the picture your painting is that you cannot realistically support her through uni so she will have to do it herself. I recently paid my loans off from my student days, and to be honest it wasnt the worst hardship paying them back as they are based on your earnings and are not a flat fee. Another thought occurs also. When I went to uni I did get a grant because I was living with my mum (who earned little) but not my dad (who earnt more). Had I been living with my dad I would not have got a grant, so it may be worth looking into the situation a bit more before you write off the grant avenue.

Niv

scotdebs

Hi cfc and welcome - this is always the hardest part - the best thing to do to get some great advice from all the peeps on here is to post a SOA (statement of affairs - link below) this clearly sets out all your income and outgoings - this will help you understand what your options are before committing to a DMP. I know its a frightening thought but you may have to think about letting your husband know what a pickle you are in although if I were you I'd do the SOA get some advice from this board and have a plan of action when you sit down to talk to him about it -as for your ex even if he is going to stop giving you maint payments surely he is still going to support his children in their full time education even if he is giving the money directly to them rather than you (which would in turn help you). good luck you can get through this



http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalchelp.html

cfc1963

I have based out a quick soa as below - I have just used my details, not my new husbands - he pays the bills and below is exactly what I pay out - please remember some of the things are x3 as its me and my two girls. I am in the process of trying to negotiate with the mobile phone companies to reduce our contracts - can do mine very soon but not too sure about the girls.

Household Information[/b]
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 1
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 980
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 980
Mobile phone............................ 100
Groceries etc. ......................... 250
Clothing................................ 60
Petrol/diesel........................... 120
Road tax................................ 10
Car Insurance........................... 50
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20
Other travel............................ 180
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 25
Life assurance ......................... 25
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 25
Haircuts................................ 60
Holiday................................. 50
Emergency fund.......................... 100
Total monthly expenses.................. 1145
Car(s).................................. 1500
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 1500

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
loan...........................7500......170.......14%loan...........................5000......120.......14%
credit card....................1900......25........0
Total unsecured debts..........14400.....315.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 980
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,145
Available for debt repayments........... -165
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 315
Amount short for making debt repayments. -480
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 1,500
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -14,400
Net Assets.............................. -12,900

RAS

cfc1963 wrote: »

I am currently about £14,000 in debt - I have two loans one for £7500 and the other for £5000 plus a credit card debt of £1900 and am struggling to pay these atm. My ex- husband has today informed me that he will no longer be paying any maintenance to our two children - one is 19 and about to start university in September and the other (17) will be starting a college course in September.

Why has your ex stopped paying maintenance for your daughters.

By law he has to provide for your eldest until she goes to university and your younger one whilst s/he is at college.

Go over to the Child Support sub-forum and get help NOW.

cfc1963

thanks for the advice - I will check the csa forums - my eldest is 19 and starts uni in september - a year later than normal - I think thats why he has decided to stop payments for her anyway - my youngest I am not too sure - he has only just sent me the email telling me ...

Niv

cfc1963 wrote: »

I have based out a quick soa as below - I have just used my details, not my new husbands - he pays the bills and below is exactly what I pay out - please remember some of the things are x3 as its me and my two girls. I am in the process of trying to negotiate with the mobile phone companies to reduce our contracts - can do mine very soon but not too sure about the girls.

Household Information[/b]
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 1
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 980
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 980
Mobile phone............................ 100 You can often reduce your tariff even before your contract has run out. Worth checking! I pay £27pm and I never go over (300mins, 500data, UL texts)
Groceries etc. ......................... 250 This could be cut, but I suspect not by a huge amount. Check the old style board for bulk cooking etc.
Clothing................................ 60 Could you sell old clothes on e-bay / car boot to raise a few quid here?
Petrol/diesel........................... 120 Any oppurtunity for a car share to work to save on fuel
Road tax................................ 10
Car Insurance........................... 50
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20
Other travel............................ 180
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 25
Life assurance ......................... 25
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 25
Haircuts................................ 60 I guess this isnt much for three ladies, but could you try the local college maybe?
Holiday................................. 50
Emergency fund.......................... 100
Total monthly expenses.................. 1145
Car(s).................................. 1500
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 1500

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
loan...........................7500......170.......14%loan...........................5000......120.......14%
credit card....................1900......25........0
Total unsecured debts..........14400.....315.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 980
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,145
Available for debt repayments........... -165
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 315
Amount short for making debt repayments. -480
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 1,500
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -14,400
Net Assets.............................. -12,900

I am not gonna lie. It looks very tight. I think it really is time to have a talk to your other half about this, even if he can only help with stopping you defaulting it would be a huge help.

I am afraid I tihnk yuor daughter going to uni will have to fend for herself. I just dont see how you can help her here. If in the future you pay all your debts off and still feel that you should have contributed to your daughters uni days, you can always offer to pay her student loans (afterall, student loans are the lowest interest you are likely to ever get so its really not worth you getting into massive debt now when her uni debt can be off-set yo 5+ years into teh future at a very small interest rate, even then it is based on ~10% of her salary so should not be too big a burden).

Like the above poster has said. You ex should still be paying for the 17yo for the time being, however I dont think he has to pay a penny to the other, thats down to his finances/morals.

Niv

cfc1963

hi Niv - I cannot car share - there are only two in the office (including me) and she walks to work - she also works totally different hours to me so that just wouldnt work. Re ebay - I do try to do this on a regular basis - have a good clear out of clothes etc and ebay the lot. having checked on the csa website he doesnt have to pay anything for 19 year old and my 16 yr old has stupidly told him she doesnt think she's going to college in sept but is looking for an apprenticeship - so immediately hes jumped on the bandwagon !! he has no morals or sense of whats right or wrong when it comes to his daughters - he has always seen maintenance as spending money that he is giving to me to use on me!! which obviously it isnt and hasnt but theres no telling him that!!
Even with the suggestions of cutting down my expediture you can see I am just in a complete mess and cannot see anyway out at all - I have nothing for emergencies - just needed four new tyres on my car (£400) - straight on the credit card as there was just no way I could find that sort of money. I have made contact with payplan today and CCSS (they suggest bankruptcy - no way am I going down that route) and I am going to ring payplan tonight when I get home from work to see what they suggest.

geoffky

Your living a lie..what a way to start a marriage..own up as i would be livid if i found out without being told...you are deceiving the person you profess to love .this can not go on...good luck with coming clean as he may be angry but not as angry if he found out by accident....15k off debt is a lot but can be paid off if both of you pull in the same direction...good luck..

whizzing

If your daughters live in the house with you and your new partner it will be his income that is taken into account. You need to speak to the student funding body ASAP. This will depend if you live in England or Scotland etc. They would be the best starting point for you to find out possible funding for both your girls at uni and college. find this out first.

shop-to-drop

Do your daughters both have parttime jobs? They really should do at that age and be paying for there own haircuts and mobile phones etc. Your eldest is really going to need to get used to working alongside studying to avoid running up huge student debts. Many students do very successfully, supermarkets are brill as they allow them to come and go from store to store or just work in the holidays. It a great way of having a different group of friends too and work experience alongside qualifications.

I really think you need to tell you new husband where the family finances stand as he is part of the family now. Did you not discuss finances with him at all before he moved in? Or have you actually lied? If the subject has just been avoided altogether then really you shouldn't take all the blame. He should have discussed it with you as you should have with him.