Should Thelma lend Louise money?



  • No way. Money as much as we need it is the root of all evil. I loaned my father £5k without hesitation when he had cash flow problems. He stopped paying our agreed installments and couldn't see the problem with it as I was his son. I am very bitter about this and hardly talk to him at all now. We were really close and it has all been ruined.
    Never lend money, especially to any family or close friends.
  • angelavdavis
    angelavdavis Posts: 4,714 Forumite
    Mortgage-free Glee!
    I loaned a good friend I had had for over 12 years about £7000 in 2001. He had taken a redundancy from his excellent Civil Service job, used his money to pay off his mortgage to reduce his outgoings and was then struggling to find work due to being over 50, when the tax man wrote to him demanding payment of taxes because his previous employer had miscalculated his tax on his redundancy money.

    My friend was really quite distressed about it.

    I could afford to lose the money at the time, so wasn't overly worried about the prospect if my friend couldn't get another job.

    I lent him the money and after I moved house following my divorce, his contact lessoned to just the odd letter or Christmas card - using the excuse that he hadn't been in phone contact because he didn't like to only phone with bad news and that he had been temping but only just meeting his bills, etc. This dropped down to Christmas cards about four years ago.

    Then about two years ago, I get a text message to say that he was on the last stage of getting a remortgage now he had a permanent job at last and, sorry to inconvenience, but his mortgage arrangement fees, survey, etc had meant he was in need of another £600. He would then come down in about 8 weeks to visit me and bring along a cheque for the original money owed, the additional, plus some extra for the inconvenience as it had taken him so long.

    So, I transferred the money to his bank account.

    Cut a long story short, he never visited, never paid the money, I have never heard from him since.

    I then had a phone call from a mutual friend recently when I asked if he had seen anything of this person (because I knew he had dropped from the group of the friends a little).

    It appears that the friend had got a new job and had remortgaged, but had got himself into debt with various friends and is still living far beyond his means (he was always really careful with his money before so this is sad he is in this position).

    I doubt I will ever get the money back. It is a real shame because I had forgotten about the original money, if he hadn't mentioned it again, I would have allowed it to drop. Our friendship always meant more to me than the original sum - but the fact that he then borrowed more and made lots of false promises, only to make no further contact at all means that to him, effectively our friendship was only worth the £600.

    Obviously, his own shame in not paying has meant that this has now driven a wedge between us.

    Morale - before this, I would have always have said if you can afford to lose the money - lend away, however, I wouldn't do this again. Friendships are far too important.
    :D Thanks to MSE, I am mortgage free!:D
  • Cotku
    Cotku Posts: 14 Forumite
    Thelma should not blindly hand over such a sum of money unless she knows it will be used firstly to pay off the worst of Louise's debts.

    Speaking from personal experience of lending money (rather than giving it away) and from other people who have spoken, it is very easy for the person receiving the help to get 'carried away' and lose sight of the original goal. I know of someone who was given several thousand pounds towards the installation of new kitchen units (kitchen units were delivered to the house, money was for fitters) and spent the lot on a spree. The kitchen units remain in boxes.

    A friend as close as that would also need some support to help change their spending habits.

    A family member has also been in serious arrears and has been bailed out many times but this is not helping them as they are not learning from their mistakes. They are following the actions of another family member who previously 'bought' friendships with expensive gifts or paying for holidays.

    Perhaps Thelma could arrange with Louise to deposit the repayments in a bank savings account. When the debt is repaid, the interest earned on the money saved could go towards a girly day out.

    Louise should not take this as a precedent to ask for money in the future.

    Sometimes you do what your heart thinks is right, but your gut might disagree...
    :) Not in debt :)
    Saving water and power. ;)
    Going green with the green house. ;)
    Still driving though...:(
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