Life is such a rollarcoaster

Indout96

I am presuming he is still with me for more than looks now i'm 50.

Not sure I agree with your logic, my wife is over 50 and is still the most beautiful woman on the planet.

OP really glad to hear that things are looking up for you, if you both want to make it work you will do so.

[Deleted User]

We both do want to make it work and don't want to split up, but I also realise he can't force a change of his feelings and if they don't change after everything, then we are stuffed! Fingers crossed they do.

Both of us wish he hadn't had the vasectamy, but our other options had been exhausted.

Spendless your right, I do have an evening job two nights a week and DH is out 1 night, but they are all consecutive nights, so we pass like ships, over breakfast and an evening cuppa for 3 days. Our youngest starts school in september. But having said that now they are 4 and 5, things are so much easier, they are less draining physically on us, more emotionally. We do actually get a little lie in on the weekends now if I remember to lay out their breakie on the table the night before. But saying that we have said between ourselves on countless occassions what great kids they are and what a great little family unit we are. (Its just Mummy and Daddy have lost their way in the process of making such great kids......LOL!).

I told him last night that I realise I had been taking our marriage for granted and no matter how depressed or irritable I was, I assumed he could take it. I apologised for that and said I have realised how much little effort on my part has affected how he feels about me. In essence I have been gradually eroding his feelings away. Whilst they aren't gone completely, they have subsided somewhat.

He recognised that he takes me for granted by all that I do around the house for him and the children, more so now I am working part time and still doing everything I used to do on top.

So resentment has gone by, largely unchallenged and unrecognised. Now we are at a point of either dealing with it and hopefully survive or carry on as we are and who knows what another 1-5 years will be like, or where we will be.

We did a marriage course about 2-3 years ago and still have the booklets from that. After the course finished we did do date nights for a while, so we must mark them back on the calendar otherwise things slip. Great idea, thanks.

My parents have been away for several months now but returning home ina few weeks, they are desperate to see us (more the children), so hopefully they will love having them so we can invest time in us. Actually last night through skype, my parents said they would like to take the children to Longleat for a long weekend in the caravan. We've all jumped at the chance. It will be strange for me and DH having an empty house for 3 nights running, but it will be lovely too. Something to look forward to.

My parents do have the children for sleepovers every now and again, but usually one at a time. They find it easier to give them attention on a 1:1 and my dad gets less wound up by the argueing. His patience has lessened with the years. Think me and my bro wore most of that away. :-)

VfM4meplse

When you've hit a trough in your relationship, the only way is up!

Good luck and (((hugs))) xxx

[Deleted User]

Just a quick update, we recently got back from the appt. We both found it interesting and insightful. We have been left to discuss and decide whether we want to continue therapy now, defer it till after Sept when DH is less stressed with work (the idea being taking on more commitment could increase the stress), or decide to move forward by ourselves.

Not sure what we will do yet, DH wants to take a few days to digest it all. But at least things are out in the open again.

summerday

Just read your thread and don't really have any advice, but want to say well done for attending the appt. Really hope it all works out for you both. The fact that you're both willing to make an effort is very positive. I think a lot of couples end up in a similar situation esp with kids, even if they're too busy and tired to realise it. x