Rock bottom again

BEAR

this is a rant...just to get it out and maybe find someone who can understand this

cannabis took my son at 15...for th epast theree years there havebeen the times where i think im getting somewhere to the times he once again makes the wrong choice and i feel i can do no more

in a nutshell i was on the verge of a break down as he awas also violent and trashed the house, stole..all the usual. he ended up in ymca, kicked out of there due to drigs ..so much more u can write


we went for once last chance....the deal was he came back to stay for 2 weeks, folloed a timetable to get back to a normal sleeping pattern, did a bit roun the house and went to the appointmens with yot that he had to go to....i had everything crossed that surely the thought of a decent life would be what he wanted

im stupid i drive him to appointmens buy him food when hes spent his benefits and clean up his mess. i know i have to let him sink or swim but i cant

so here we are...he lasyed 24 hrs then wanted to go backto where i knw there is cannabis in his flat. i cant wathci him go further down...but by bailing him out time and time again i am not helping..just enabkling him....ive read the books so knw what i shodl do..but i cant

when one of us dies it will end but until then all i can see is this yoyoing lie of misery and i am just soooooooooooooo fed up of it....its like my life is on hold..i cant enjoy anything, cos i think of him all the itme....my poor hub. i think he wil lbe better of without me cos he just cant bear to see my cry all the time and he's doen all he can now

after son decided he waned to go i just went walaking,,soaked tot he skin sitting by the river..just wanted o jump

Mara69

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time, but I can't comment as your post is too garbled.

Yorkie1

So sorry to hear you're having such a hard time.

Your son is now 18? As you say, you can't make his decisions for him, nor can you pull him back from the brink. He has to do these things for himself.

Is he still being supervised by YOT etc? Can you report him to them? It may be that only the official way is open to you, unless you choose to let him make his own choices.

In the meantime, do you have support you can draw upon? Friends? Son's father?

There is also the Frank helpline and website.

Good luck in finding the right way forward for you, and for the strength to do it.

Emmzi

well bear, you know what you have to do, and you know why.

have you been in touch with any of the support groups for "familes of"?

paddy's_mum

BEAR wrote: »

i am just soooooooooooooo fed up of it....

Obviously, not yet fed up enough.

Have you thought of seeking professional counselling, for yourself, to help you understand how to stop helping him kill himself, you, your hubby...?

gingin_2

Good advice already but I would also suggest you visit your GP. You sound depressed, maybe they can prescribe something to help you cope and forward you for counselling.

Pee

I do feel for you.

I had a relationship with someone with drug problems and in the end I just had to walk away. (In fact, he ended up going back to his Mum.) It was the wake up call he needed, to a certain extent. His mother was, I presume, a lot older than you and certainly in different circumstances and he ended up being her carer.

I have also known a lot of people smoke cannibis without getting into too much trouble, but obviously this isn't the case with your son.

You seem to expect that he would want a normal life, and one day I am sure that he will, but at 18, maybe that isn't going to be just yet.

Just wanted to say I was thinking about you.

Bumpmakesfour

Mara69 wrote: »

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time, but I can't comment as your post is too garbled.

Surely you could have overlooked the typos? God I hate people who feel they have to make people who are very obviously feeling crap..feel even more crap!!!:mad:

OP some good advice posted above,I hope you find the strength to move forward xx

Air_Cooled_75

Please don't all flame me. Are you sure it's only cannabis? Speaking from some experience I've never encountered anyone who behaves this way (I'm not a professional, just from the people I know) My brother went through a stage at a similar age, he was never violent, just infuriatingly lazy. TBH I've yet to meet anyone who becomes violent from smoking cannabis, I think it's a media myth. Again, please don't have a go at me. My sympathies to the OP, maybe your son has other things going on that are causing him to behave this way. I hope you can all find a way forward.

System

after son decided he waned to go i just went walaking,,soaked tot he skin sitting by the river..just wanted o jump

but he didnt did he? Unfortunately addicts, know the right buttons to push when it comes to family.

babymoo

BEAR wrote: »

im stupid i drive him to appointmens buy him food when hes spent his benefits and clean up his mess. i know i have to let him sink or swim but i cant

Your not stupid, you love your son and you want the best for him but he has an addiction and this is something you cannot take away from him he has to deal with this himself.

Reading your story was like looking back over my life but as a sister rather than a parent. Cannabis took my brother at the age of 14. It is the most soul destroying thing to watch and as much as you don't want to and as much as it will hurt you have to let him hit rock bottom before he can realise how bad he is, at the moment your supporting him and telling him in a weird way that what he is doing is actually ok and acceptable. Don't forget that everything he is doing isn't the way a person without addiction acts. It is not a "normal" way of thinking.

I don't know where you are in the country but a charity called SPODA (Supporting Parents of Drug Addicts) were amazing help to me and my parents. They helped us to understand that while my brother was doing this, it didn't mean he didn't love us but it meant that actually he didn't really see what he was doing to us.

The biggest thing you have to get your head around is that it isn't your son who you brought up making these decisions but he is underneath somewhere just very lost. If you don't let him hit rock bottom he cannot climb back up and if you don't let him go you are going to end up making youself very poorly.

Right now you need to be putting yourself first, you HAVE to be selfish, your son is doing the same thing. Get yourself right, let him hit rock bottom and if/when he comes to you and says he is now ready for help and to get clean then you will have the energy to help him. Your son's main priority at the moment is getting his next fix and it doesn't matter who he hurts along the way. Your main priority needs to be distancing yourself enough to get help with what he is doing.