my other half insults me every day..

March2012

i have read up about it on the web. it seems to be an issue of low self esteeem. we have a child toghether and he lives in my house. i dont think i can take much more of it. i put up with it for ages as my dad was never around for me and thought better to have a dad for the child but i have had enough. any tips? thanks in advance. I have also mentioned counselling to him (he did a couple of months on it but not sure that helped really - though maybe was not long enough)
really appreciate input.

McKneff

If it is your house, pile all his belongings in the front of the house,
change the locks. Tell him to do one.

Would you rather have had a childhood like you did or have a childhood like your child is having
seeing his mum mentally abused every day, becuase that is the way he will behave.


That's about it.

March2012

maybe working through things. but am worn out.

McKneff wrote: »

If it is your house, pile all his belongings in the front of the house,
change the locks. Tell him to do one.

That's about it.

Tiddlywinks

Does he see that he offends you? Does he believe his behaviour is at fault?

Why have you chosen to stay and still put up with it?

You are responsible for your life and your happiness - YOU need to make a choice... put up with it or take action to move on and give yourself the life you deserve.

Anyway, do you really want your child to witness (and possibly copy) this behaviour?

building_with_lego

March2012 wrote: »

i have read up about it on the web. it seems to be an issue of low self esteem. we have a child toghether and he lives in my house. i dont think i can take much more of it. i put up with it for ages as my dad was never around for me and thought better to have a dad for the child but i have had enough. any tips? thanks in advance. I have also mentioned counselling to him (he did a couple of months on it but not sure that helped really - though maybe was not long enough)
really appreciate input.

It's not, it's a form of domestic abuse. I hope you can find the strength to do as Annie suggests above, if not immediately then in the future. You are teaching your child that this is a normal and acceptable way to behave, which it is not.

Good luck.

browneyedbazzi

Have you tried telling him that it's not acceptable behaviour and explaining why (ie how it makes you feel, the negative impact it can have on your children)?
Often people try to get onto a level playing field by bringing others down rather than building them self up. It's a reason, but not an excuse and he shouldn't be allowed to think what he's doing is OK.

I personally think it's counter productive because people who try to make themselves look good by putting others down just look like pitiful, mean and sad little people.

whitewing

It can be very effective to take him to task about his behaviour eg "You are being rude and nasty - pack it in" but you have to be quite firm with how you tell him. If he is being like it in front of other people, you have to be prepared to say it in front of other people too. You will also have to deal with an escalation of patheticness until he realises you are serious. Another good one is "If you can't be nice, don't say anything" or "There is absolutely no need to be so nasty" and look bored. This is how I have to deal with my dad at times, when he won't take responsibility for his own actions and dumps his stress on everyone else.

March2012

i have noticed one of his other daughters from previous marriage has same issue. i suppose as one person put it i have low self esteem. i suppose a stronger woman would have walked away? i think with a child i dont rush into any decision but i think i am at my wits end so maybe i need to chuck him out.
the pack it in wording. been there got the t shirt . does not work. but thanks for mentioning. i can cope with someone like this if i dont live with them but not living with them day in day out. it is mentally exhausting.

whitewing wrote: »

It can be very effective to take him to task about his behaviour eg "You are being rude and nasty - pack it in" but you have to be quite firm with how you tell him. If he is being like it in front of other people, you have to be prepared to say it in front of other people too. You will also have to deal with an escalation of patheticness until he realises you are serious. Another good one is "If you can't be nice, don't say anything" or "There is absolutely no need to be so nasty" and look bored. This is how I have to deal with my dad at times, when he won't take responsibility for his own actions and dumps his stress on everyone else.

BitterAndTwisted

A child with a father around who insults and verbally abuses it's mother is not better off than a child with no father around at all. If you want your child to grow up thinking it's normal for that sort of behaviour to occur between a man and a woman and then to emulate it, just carry on as you are. Has it ever occurred to you that the insults he's hurling at you day in and day out are frightening your child, that they could fear that they will be next in the firing-line? Please don't tolerate this horrible situation for the sake of your child, you will be doing them a disservice. And yourself, too. Tell him to change his behaviour and his stinking attitude or he's out. If you get lonely re-home a dog. Even a bad one would be better and more loyal than the total !!!!!! you have under your roof right now

March2012

thanks for your input. i am mentally upset this evening and cant carry on. i have sent a text to his mum that i cant carry on like this and maybe they can help rehouse him. will see the text in the mornign i imagine. though they have this attitude you made your bed then you lie in it but i am not married so dont know if that applies!

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

A child with a father around who insults and verbally abuses it's mother is not better off than a child with no father around at all. If you want your child to grow up thinking it's normal for that sort of behaviour to occur between a man and a woman and then to emulate it, just carry on as you are. Has it ever occurred to you that the insults he's hurling at you day in and day out are frightening your child, that they could fear that they will be next in the firing-line? Please don't tolerate this horrible situation for the sake of your child, you will be doing them a disservice. And yourself, too. Tell him to change his behaviour and his stinking attitude or he's out. If you get lonely re-home a dog. Even a bad one would be better and more loyal than the total !!!!!! you have under your roof right now

VfM4meplse

McKneff wrote: »

If it is your house, pile all his belongings in the front of the house,
change the locks. Tell him to do one

There is a less energetic alternative to this.

If my dad ever gets smart or insulting, my mum tells him he should have found a mouse of a wife from a village in Afghanistan instead of marrying her, ie someone that would put up with that sort of rubbish. She's been doing that for the past 42 years .