diet pills - help?

justalittlepill

I’m going to keep this brief so as not to identify myself but I want some advice.

**I DON'T WANT MEDICAL ADVICE**

I was raped last year. My rapist made comments about my body during the attack. My ‘curves’, my boobs etc.
After the attack I comfort ate so I put on weight. I lost that weight through diet and exercise earlier this year.
But that left me with a problem of my body looking how it did when the comments were made during the rape, and every time I looked in a mirror I’d hear his words in my head complimenting my body, so I wanted to lose more weight so I wouldn’t look the same. But diet and exercise was too slow and I couldn’t cope with those comments all the time so I turned to diet pills.
At first I was just taking the recommended dose of 1 diet pill type, and they worked and I started to lose weight but the effects slowed down so I started to take more than the recommended dose and then combining types of pills.
Over the past 2/3 months it’s spiralled and got to the point where I’m now taking 5 types of slimming aid (some at double the recommended dose), as well as laxatives at 3 times the recommended dose (ie 3 times a day rather than once a day occasionally), tablets to get rid of excess water as well as a tablet to increase the effects of exercise. I’m also taking an antidepressant which has given the side effect of loss of appetite. I drink 2 litres + of water every day and try to eat less than 800 calories 5 days a week. Usually manage to keep it under 500 a day. 2 days a week I spend with family and have to eat properly.
I’m still not thin/underweight or anything so it’s going unnoticed by family and friends but I’ve started to realise this really isn’t doing me any good. I just can’t stop. One of my pills will run out next week and I can’t afford to replace it at £25 a bottle but I know I have to. I’ve even contemplated stealing the money so I can buy a replacement. I know I’ve got a problem, but I don’t know where to turn. Because I’m not thin I don’t think I have an eating disorder, I’m just abusing pills.
I’m waiting for counselling to deal with PTSD caused by being raped, which I think triggered this too, but I’m too scared to tell any professionals about it. They’ll just laugh at me because I’m still fat despite taking all these pills so why would they believe I have a problem?

I don't want to stop, just get this under control, but I don’t know what to do.
Has anyone been through similar and can advise?

bradmullet

I know you don't want medical advice and I completely support that but I do think you need some professional help, as you are probably putting your health at risk. Do you have a supportive GP or community nurse you could speak to? Or if you can't bear to do it in person, would you consider phoning NHS direct?

Just_Plain_Jane

Please see your GP urgently. No-one is going to laugh at you, they are there to help. Please don't leave it any longer, you could be doing some real damage and need help to recover.

Taadaa

The counsellor is NOT going to laugh at you.Really. This is about the way you see yourself, not the way others see you. In order for them to help you as best you can, you need to be open with them.

Desperado99

You absolutely need to see your GP. ASAP

VfM4meplse

justalittlepill wrote: »

But that left me with a problem of my body looking how it did when the comments were made during the rape, and every time I looked in a mirror I’d hear his words in my head complimenting my body, so I wanted to lose more weight so I wouldn’t look the same.

Get this out of your head. You weren't raped because you had a fantastic body, you were raped because you were unlucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and encountered a violent and repressed !!!!!! who should by all rights be in jail.

This guy has not only physically attacked you, but f*cked with your mind as well. :mad:

YOU did nothing wrong. Yet your reaction is to punish yourself.

I don't know the circumstances of your attack, but you're not alone. Take a look at this site.

Jo84_2

I may be completely wrong but this sounds like body dysmorphia.

There is a lot of help and support out there for people suffering from this.

You just need to ask! Speak to your GP asap and have a look at mind.org.uk and search body dysmorphia.

Big hugs!

justalittlepill

Thank you for the replies. I'll look at the recommended sites.

cottonhead

There is no way a medical professional is going to laugh at you.They will help you and I agree that this is linked to post traumatic stress. Its just showing itself in a new way. The words of the terrible man who did this to you mean nothing. What would someone of such low morals know anyway, so dont take any notice of the rubbish he said. Its wortthless just ike him. He is the one with the problem not you.
Seek some professional advice becauae as you know you can do yourself harm with those pills and dont be scared to speak about it, nobody will think its weird at all.

LadyMorticia

You don't have to be thin to have an eating disorder.

I'd definitely to go your GP as you obviously need some sort of help for your addiction and diet pills aren't going to be doing you any good in the long-term.

Being raped wasn't your fault. You weren't raped because of your body or what you looked like. :grouphug:

Stephb1986_2

What you've been through is truly terrible but what your now doing to yourself is making a sh it situation worse, the diet pills you are taking can cause damage to your insides, even if they make you lose weight you will one day put it back on.

I speak from someone who has taken slimming pills for years I've not done so in around the last 5 years but the positive side of the pills do not last forever. You really need to see your GP and get some help. Slimming pills will not take away what has happened to you.

I wish there was more useful advice I could give you but I think you know deep down what you need to do.

Massive hugs

Steph xx