Long Distance Relationships

stoptheworldIwannagetoff

Hi there

I wonder how people cope with long distance relationships. My current partner (3 months) lives on the Isle of White (we met on the internet) and try to see each other every other weekend. We speak every day on the phone. The relationship is getting quite serious and we want to see more of each other but this distance is a problem. He has his job there during the week, and 2 young kids who he has every other weekend. They dont know about me so I cant go and visit him on those weekends - infact I have never been to visit cos he prefers to come to London to see me. I have my job here in London although its temporary and will come to an end in the summer.

I realise this is starting to sound like he has something to hide but I do trust him. I call him on the phone all different times of hte day and night and I know he wouldnt take the calls if he had something to hide.

Are we doomed never to get together full time? I don't fancy living on the IoW as it seems too remote and I wont know anybody there.

Your words of wisdom please

poorbabe

Hi, don't mean to cause any waves but you've only 'known' this guy 3 months. A little early to call him your partner, surely? How about treating him as a long distance friend for the time being? Sounds like he has more commitments and less time than you and more time is needed to see if this relationship might go anywhere.

Coping mechanisms - I hung out with family and friends and went to the gym often (helped with those certain 'moments' - lol). Mind you, he lived (still) in the US and we were good friends way before it got serious.

I would suggest you take it very slowly. After all, he lives there and yet prefers to see you in London? Even with two child-free weekends a month? If he doesn't invite you to visit once your job is over in the summer I'd rethink this situation.

Good luck and I hope you have a positive outcome to this.

kitten_jo

i meet my husband to be on net
we still living miles away from each other but when we get married in july we will both move so have a new start 20 miles from where i live now
we picked where to live because i have a kid of 15 that wants to go to college in sept so we moving near to the one she wants to go to
we text ,talk on phone, and talk on net each day
it is hard but it can be done
worked it out once and i talk to him more than a friend does that lives near her boyfriend

knithappens

i met my husband online, he is in the US Military, we have used the internet mainly , invaluable and webcam makes things easier, also phone calls, txt , letters, you name it we try it to stay in touch.

we average seeing each other ever 4-6 months, and will de until early next yea.

I would suggest you arrange a visit to see him.

And if it is meant to be it will work out.

shazrobo

i met my partner on the net too, we have only been together 5 weeks, but we both feel the same, totally in love, my guy visits me and my sons and i visit him and his son, we have met each others family, surely its time u visited him. best of luck, and where love is concerned i would move with my 2 sons to be with my fella, even if i didnt know anybody.
luckily he has agreed to move in with me soon

dollop

i know you say you trust him but i find it kind of odd that you cant go visit him,surley if he told his kids you could go visit and stay for the weekend,meet his family ect ect.

callmelinda

My son and daughter-in-law met 6 years ago over the internet. They became friends and a year after first chatting online, they met in person - she was in Korea teaching at the time and flew to the UK. After living together for almost a couple of years going through the whole visitor visa thing and having to be apart for months at a time when the Visa ended, they married 3 years ago and are now expecting their first baby. They weren't using the net hoping to find anyone and they both never imagined it would happen like that to them! I never see them away from one another's side, completely inseparable! I think they just had an immense level of trust and respect for one another and so when they were apart, their friendship carried them through not being together in person and of course, they made daily contact and wrote and called just as you would if you were in the same country but apart. I knew about her from early on because he really liked her personality, aw. She's left her job and extended family and now lives here although they plan on settling over in Canada together.

sarahlouise210

It could be that he prefers to see you in London as there is not that much to do in the Isle of wight..plus it is saving you the costs..the ferry alone costs a fortune! It is easy to think the worst, but what if there are underlying resons..what if he is embarrassed about his home, or worried that his children will be upset, or just wants off the island for a weekend. Long distance relationships can work - but only if you are both happy with the arrangement. You mention not being happy about moving ...Southampton and Portsmouth are very close (however ferry is expensive) ..The Isle of wight is actually very quaint and if it was not for the ferry costs etc I would quite like to live there myself! As for the the fact that you have only been seeing him 3 months ..well I believe when you know..you know! I met my Dh on the net ..I was living with him within a month, we married 6 moths to the day after meeting and are just as happy now 6 years later. You must follow your heart. Good luck !

sloppychops

sarahlouise210 wrote:

I met my Dh on the net ..I was living with him within a month, we married 6 moths to the day after meeting and are just as happy now 6 years later. You must follow your heart. Good luck !

Also met my hubby on the net and like sarahlouise we were living together within weeks.We were married 7 months after meeting and celebrated our 6th Wedding Anniversary on Feb 14th Valentines Day this year.i knew from the moment i met him that he was the one and our relationship just gets stronger and stronger.

ailuro2

Do you have his home address?

Take a holiday from work and turn up unannounced during the week!

If his not inviting you over wasn't a problem, you wouldn't have mentioned it;)

stoptheworldIwannagetoff

sarahlouise, I think you have hit the nail on the head. We had a long chat about it this weekend and mainly he needs to get away from the Island occassionally. Also, he really wants to make sure that this relationship is serious enough to introduce me to his family - and now we are at that point! I suggested he bring the kids to London for a family weekend and my daughter and I would join them for part of it so that is our plan for next weekend. Slowly slowly and we will get there. Its hard but as you all say, if its true love and meant to be, it will happen.

Thanks for all your words of support.