Losing 1400 when partner moves in

seven-day-weekend

apoorlykitten wrote: »

i give up, should have gone somewhere else for. clearly a place for do gooding trollers.

i was simply stating that its rediculous the way things work.

Why is it? As a family you lose £16800 a year and gain £27000. So you are better off by over £10k!

If you don't want to be a family you should not be moving in together.

Lady_K

I am not clued up on tax credits etc but if your children are all teenagers it wont be long before your benefits would change dramatically anyway when they reach 16 or 18 if they are still in full time education.

One of my daughters was in a similar position as you, 2 children one with mental health issues and working part time. She met her partner and he moved in with her after 2 years. She lost her benefits but would never go back to that life compared to the lovely relationship she has now. Money isnt made an issue, the bills get paid and her children are looked after, she also gets no csa.

Its a big change after living as a single parent and it did have an affect on her too but she is so happy and they now have children of thier own too. In fact they are getting married next month

Mumto3cheekymonkeys

I am not being judgemental as I also have 3 children my partner work ft i work pt and we are topped bup with £600pcm of tc.
I can see your point and I cant to be honest.
My mum was a single mum of 3 children and she full time (we were at school and nursery so she worked these times). When she met my step dad who at the time was 7 years younger then her (21) and living with his mum and dad rent free they discussed the same issue however he made it quite clear that if he was to move in there money would become 1 regardless of the fact that we were not his children. He kept to his word and surpassed it. He was always taking us to town when my mum was at work to buy us new toys etc and we were treated as his own by him, his mum and his dad. When my brother came along (son of my stepdad) we all thought things would change, he would get all the attention and toys and gifts and this was not the case. When he and my mum split up it was a devasting blow for all of us however he still came to take us out and paid my mum £300 pm for our maintainence (we were not his so he only had to pay for one of us) and he still took us all out at the weekends. Even now he is grandad to my boys (my dad died when i was a child) and is often treating them to things. The point im trying to make is that if you partner is to be with you he has to accept responisbilty for your children too even though they are not his. If he is not willing to do this then he is not worth having.

Good luck.

ska_lover

OP, I honestly think you have been told some home truths on this thread that you haven't liked.

You use having TEENAGE kids as an excuse not to work (fulltime) and instead do two hours - that is taking the p1ss! I've got a teenager and have worked full time for years. You aren't teaching them any good - 'hey kids, this is how you get through life - freeloading'. If you have never worked, I bet out of the three of your offspring, not one of um even ends up going to Uni - and you can thank yourself for that - the high aspirations you have NOT instilled in them. There is more than one way of being a bad parent, yknow. Your lack of ambition has secured them a life of benefits mentality, or at best - dead end jobs....Well done you!

You have bagged a mug, sorry man to move in with you and pay the lions share of your bills. Instead of paying for one person out of his hard earned, he will now be paying for five - while you sit on your arris at home. I give it six months - cos that is not a partnership of equals - and it won't be long before your man starts to feel mugged off in this situation.

Regarding your comment of ''I have always raised my kids myself'' - don't kid yourself on this, you haven't - I have - and so has every other tax payer in the country.

Do yourself a favour and sort yourself a future out, get a job, show your kids how decent people live, and give your relationship a chance.

buttercup1979

I have to say that this thread has me confused. I do not thunk anyone should be having a go at the OP, she just asked for help and advice, not judgement. But how on earth does someone get that much money from the state? I am currently off work long term due to illness and apparently I can survive on SSP alone- that's less than £80 a week for mortgage, bills, food etc. Needless to say it's impossible and my debts are mounting just so I can keep up to date with payments. I no longer use heating to keep my bills down and survive on minimal amounts of cheap food. Anyway, these probs should have a thread of their own! Was just beyond shocked that someone could actually have that amount of benefit money. Maybe I should just get myself preggers and the state will throw money at me- joking!

Anubis_2

buttercup1979 wrote: »

I have to say that this thread has me confused. I do not thunk anyone should be having a go at the OP, she just asked for help and advice, not judgement. But how on earth does someone get that much money from the state? I am currently off work long term due to illness and apparently I can survive on SSP alone- that's less than £80 a week for mortgage, bills, food etc. Needless to say it's impossible and my debts are mounting just so I can keep up to date with payments. I no longer use heating to keep my bills down and survive on minimal amounts of cheap food. Anyway, these probs should have a thread of their own! Was just beyond shocked that someone could actually have that amount of benefit money. Maybe I should just get myself preggers and the state will throw money at me- joking!

If you receive SSP only while you are sick, you may also be able claim other benefits.
Income Support
Housing Benefit (you may get mortgage interest payments)
Council Tax Benefit

If you have a partner though, their earnings will be counted for income related benefits.

After 28 weeks you will be eligible to claim ESA.

apoorlykitten

Ive sat back and watched this thread go beyond control, some of you have made your mind up about me others have sent me private messages which are much more the advice i was asking for.

I didnt mention at the time , because i dint think it was anyones business, but 8 weeks ago i lost a baby at 12 weeks.
This effected me dramatically, made me short tempered, stressed, highly emotional and its only been the last week that ive felt a bit of myself returning ( i took little time off work ) ( no need for any sarcastic comments regarding the amount i work )

I can only apologise for what i have said, reading it back to myself im deeply ashamed of how i came across. Im not using it as an excuse more of a reason, but i have had an awful few months.

Any way this aside i have taken advise (indirectly) from many posters and pm's regarding my situation.

1. Ive changed my hours at work so i no longer have to look after children when im not working.
2. Im currently seeking a second job as my current employer cant offer me more hours.
3. Have discussed in depth the financial changes that will occur when my partner moves in.
4. He isnt a mug lol, he loves me and my children dearly and after having a full chat about all of this, is fully aware of what it will entail moving in with me and the kids. He WANTS to live with us and money doesnt matter.
5. My eldest child is also looking for work, be it a paper boy or a pot and pan washer. He has to stay in education untill the september after his 17th birthday so will be going onto sixth form or college. He currently attends college one day a week. My two other children who are fully capable of going to university ( im not sure why some people would think otherwise) ? are acheiving above the expected level in all subjects, maths being their favourite.
6. I am also taking a course to further my career which will enable me to work more within this industry, im also not a hairdresser in my job lol, i am however a fully qualified Hairdresser to a level 3. I intend to go back into mobile hairdressing when i am not working.
7. I realise now that what i was saying first of all sounds rediculous, the truth being i have had a very easy time whilst being a single parent. Yes ive taken what ive been offered and that ultimately made me scared to be living in the real world.
8. Im not scared any more, just realistic.

Id like to thank all of you, even the ones who havnt been so pleasent. The truth did hurt but its made me re-think my life and change it for the better.

Thanks again,

Mojisola

Best of luck for the future!

seven-day-weekend

Have a happy future with your family.

gravitytolls

Ditto, have a great future.

Great post kitten, very brave to come back and say that.

I hope you are now recovering well from your loss, and are able to look to the future with joy in your heart. x