Can my dependent 17 year old move out without parental permission?

moggypants

emsywoo123 wrote: »

She's17? Not 14!

I, like plenty of others, left home before then, and I am 31 and fine!

What does she plan to do financially?

Were you a mature 17 year old socially and emotionally? I wasn't, yet I knew plenty of 17 year old's that were. My Step-Daughter isn't mature either - and we are giving her the freedom of letting her stay over there. She is rebelling because this is not all on her terms - we're trying to teach her the art (and important life lesson) of compromise.

Financially, she has a saturday job, but no doubt she thinks she'll still have everything she has now, yes, my partner will continue to pay her child support while she's still in college, but she probably still expects the pocket money her Mum gives her, and probably child benefit, I haven't heard her action plan yet.

ticktack_2

moggypants wrote: »

I hope I haven't used the wrong word in 'groomed'. The family have an older son, he met his now wife young and at 17 she had moved in with this same family. We could see the same cycle happening again.

[...]

When I say groomed, we can see her being 'groomed' and encouraged into being a housewife and mother far too soon than she should be, when right now she should be concentrating on the career she wants.

This is her first 'proper' relationship and she doesn't have the highest of self esteems.

So it sounds as if she's not actually at risk here. This other family may have different ideas about young relationships, but she wouldn't be moving into a *risky* situation. Correct?

You can't always save an adolescent from making her own mistakes and (hopefully) learning from them. I think it's not unusual for a child to become enamoured of a different family, and to think that all her difficulties with her own family will be solved by "adopting" a partner's family. The hard thing to accept is that to some extent that may be true. Your step-daughter might really be happier living with her boyfriend's family. Or (more likely) she might discover for herself that the "new" family brings its own problems. At a distance, she might learn what she values about her own family.

In any case, if her parents try to prevent her from moving out, it's not going to help their relationship with her. It would make anybody feel like a prisoner, to be prevented from doing what they want to do, and are legally entitled to do. A rebellious teenager is going to feel that way even more strongly. The parents should let her go, making it clear to her that they still love her and will welcome her home again any time she wants to move back. She's a free agent, after all.

jellyhead

Is the older one's partner now a wife and mother?

It's a tricky situation. I moved in with my bf when I was 17 (he had his own flat though, not his parents house) and soon gave up my job and also my college course. My parents persuaded me to go back home a year later, but only because the relationship wasn't working.

I think it's important that the girl knows she can go back to mum or dad at any time. I'm glad I had that option. Don't fall out with her. 17 feels like an adult but it is very young to be living together as man and wife.

moggypants

Yes the older one is now a wife and mother.

Our fears were that we couldn't do anything about it, and of course she'll be welcomed back. But if the law stated that if she had to have parental consent, then of course she wouldn't have it on our part. We'd want her to concentrate on college, not homemaking.

I think part of the allurement to her is that her boyfriend is spoiled with pretty much anything he wants, and I wonder if she thinks that she'll get spoiled as well. She constantly boasts about what he's getting off Nannny next.

Thanks to all helpful and sympathetic replies, we really appreciate it.

VfM4meplse

moggypants wrote: »

As you can imagine, we are all distraught.

Whilst I have sympathy for your distress, I also have to say this thread makes a refreshing change from the opinions of parents who believe their kids should fend for themselves from the day they turn 18.

I'd be livid in your DH's position. Surely kids need to learn more about the world before they play adults?

DylanO

If she does this then its your husband and his ex's responsibility to teach her a lesson. If she wants to play at being an adult then she can support herself - that means no money from either parent.

She won't last long when she has to bankroll herself.

ticktack_2

DylanO wrote: »

If she does this then its your husband and his ex's responsibility to teach her a lesson. If she wants to play at being an adult then she can support herself - that means no money from either parent.

She won't last long when she has to bankroll herself.

The "lesson" she would learn from such hardnosed treatment might be that her own family doesn't care about her. That wouldn't help to secure a good outcome for the girl. It would be more likely to drive her further into the arms of the boyfriend's family, and perhaps to a future as teenaged wife and mother.

As I understand it, she can claim benefits in her own name if she's estranged from her parents, so depriving her of money might not succeed in forcing her back against her will. And it would surely be better for her NOT to be estranged from her parents.

mrcow

Have you asked her what would help to make her want to stay?

I think I would be saying that she should give it until she's finished her a-levels or college. What career does she want? Is she going to go to university?

barbarawright

What do her parents think?

Racheldevon

You mentioned earlier i a post about finding information online regarding runaways - it has been The Children's Society (A national Children's Charity) campaign for the last year http://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/what-we-do/lobbying-and-policy/policy-areas/children-risk/runaways so I wondered if this might be the site you couldn't find again