Wedding Quandry.....

Noctu

Would also agree with all of the above, I didn't involve my MIL much in our wedding last year, everything was arranged between myself, my (then) fiance, and my Mum.

It sounds as if you've been clear about what you have (very generously) offered, so I'd say now is the time to step back and see if they want to take you up on your offer.

I would say that even though I knew my MIL could knit, sew, bake etc, we only took her up on one offer and that was to make one tier of the cake. My husband and I just preferred to either make/buy the various bits ourselves. I don't think it's any indication of how they feel about you necessarily... although that does prompt the question, what/how did they reply when you offered help? (and did you offer specific help e.g. to make the favours or was it more general, I'll help out with anything in these areas?)

colli

please don't take it personally! I did most things for my wedding myself and handed a couple of small bits over to my mum. I didn't ask MIL to do anything mainly because I didn't want her to feel put upon and secondly I knew if my mum wasn't doing something how I wanted it I could just tell her to pack it in and know that no offense would be taken. No matter how much I love and get on with my MIL I'd never be able to tell her off (unlike my own poor mum bless her ).

Maybe ask your son if he has anything he'd like you to help with, even if it's just phoning round for quotes or something, the groom does sometimes get given some chores! My MIL offered to find a harpist which we gratefuly took her up on (she paid in the end but we'd have been happy just to have her do the research and pay ourselves).

vintagebrighton

Thanks for your input guys..... much appreciated. I never thought about the mothers/daughters thing - guess I need to brace myself for when DD gets married

Yes, I'll concentrate on making them a lovely wedding present ~ over to the moneysaving occasions board then xx

NBirdy

I agree with the other posters, it's very unlikely to be at all personal, just a girls, weddings and their mums kind of thing. I get on extremely well with my lovely MIL but thinking back I'm pretty sure we didn't ask her to do anything for our wedding. She has daughters too, one of which was married the year before us and I know she was very involved in that. I think she was quite happy to be able to enjoy our day without worrying about the arrangements!

One thing she did for us which I thought was lovely, was to crochet/cross stitch covers for the bride and grooms kneelers in the church. They're beautiful and I hope my daughters might consider using them when/if they get married too. She did tell us in advance that she wanted to do that for us and did we have any objections. My own mum isn't handy in the sewing/crafting department at all and it certainly wasn't something I'd have thought about so it was a lovely touch.

When it comes to childcare my MIL was/is a star - she does everything the way we do things, unlike my own mum who insists on doing things the way she thinks they should be done, regardless of whether we agree with it or not! e.g. repeatedly giving my little one chewing gum when she wasn't even 3, despite my asking her not to........... :mad:

Edwardia

My MIL interfered and threw hissy fits all the time and OH did what she wanted so wedding venue was changed from historic town hall to a united reform church she didn't even go to, wedding reception from tithe barn to a pub to please HER. So many of her freeloading relies had to be invited I didn't get to have even one friend of mine.

So I think best thing you can do is keep out of it and let DS's fiancee get the wedding SHE wants.

minerva_windsong

I agree with others that it's just the typical girls wanting to do the planning with their own mums, and I can totally understand that - my OH's mum is absolutely lovely and I know that if/when OH and I get married she would gladly offer to help, but I will probably go to my own mum first for things like looking at dresses, choosing decorations, making invites etc. It's nothing personal at all against my OH's mum, it's just that feeling that my mum knows me and would know what I wanted, and I'd feel more comfortable asking her to do stuff or to change things if they're weren't exactly what I'd like.

I would leave them to it for now, as long as they know the offer is still open; it may be they ask you to do stuff as the wedding gets closer, August is still a little way off so you never know. And don't worry about grandkids - speaking from my sisters' experience my mum did see more of my nephews when they were first born, but again I think that's the natural thing of the daughter wanting her mum around, and now they're older it has evened out much more.

CH27

Edwardia wrote: »

My MIL interfered and threw hissy fits all the time and OH did what she wanted so wedding venue was changed from historic town hall to a united reform church she didn't even go to, wedding reception from tithe barn to a pub to please HER. So many of her freeloading relies had to be invited I didn't get to have even one friend of mine.

So I think best thing you can do is keep out of it and let DS's fiancee get the wedding SHE wants.

Surely it's their wedding not her wedding so it should be what they BOTH want.