Old Friend

totheleft

.........r

londonsurrey

You both sound risk adverse, waiting for the other to say "Do you want to go on a date with me?". Because when someone says that, they are basically laying themselves open to being refused.

If you really want to go out with him, you can decide to take the risk, and ask him.

On the other hand, if you think that you can't be bothered with a man who is too chicken to ask, then don't. It doesn't look like he's going to ask you. I'm not impressed by his promises of calling you and then not doing it. It smacks of immaturity, and I presume he's not 14.

DVardysShadow

The trouble is that you are both immature about this.

And there is no real way out to maturity together, because once one of you realises that this is a matter of becoming mature, this person will need to recognise that you can only make yourself mature, not the other person. And when one of you becomes mature, this one will despise the other for being immature.

So, forget it, become mature yourself and meet someone who is himself mature. This guy will hopefully become mature himself one day and similarly meet someone mature for himself. But I dounbt anything can ever happen between the 2 of you because the immature behaviour patterns are set in as a pattern of reaction to each other.

totheleft

DVardysShadow wrote: »

The trouble is that you are both immature about this.

And there is no real way out to maturity together, because once one of you realises that this is a matter of becoming mature, this person will need to recognise that you can only make yourself mature, not the other person. And when one of you becomes mature, this one will despise the other for being immature.

So, forget it, become mature yourself and meet someone who is himself mature. This guy will hopefully become mature himself one day and similarly meet someone mature for himself. But I dounbt anything can ever happen between the 2 of you because the immature behaviour patterns are set in as a pattern of reaction to each other.

Ha i am not immature, i am a shy girl. I was alot younger though when i met him so i have matured and maybe things would have been different if i met him now. But yeah, i do think he has had a immatue way of dealing with this.

Wellyboots6

He may have cut contact at his girlfriends request.

I know my OH is not keen on me having male best friends, and I am ashamed to say I have let a good friendship slide because of OH's concerns. I can well understand though because I struggle to keep my jealousy under control when he talks about his female best friend.

If it were a film, then eventually you would end up back in contact, admit your feelings for each other and live happily ever after

Unfortunately it is a bit more like real life, and you may have to have a serious think about what you want from him. Then you either need to take a few risks, or walk away.

scrappie_2

Why don't you msg him again and tell him how you feel. It's all well and good telling us lot on here - but we can't do anything about it.

I have been in exactly the same situation, we both decided to 'leave it' and have remained really good friends for over 20 years. If we had decided to take that chance and it had not worked out, I could have lost my best friend. Maybe that's how your friend felt all those months ago.

At the moment you seem to have 'lost' him anyway, you can't loose him twice. Tell him.

I know that probably sounds blunt, but that's just me - I don't do the fluffy stuff.

DVardysShadow

totheleft wrote: »

Ha i am not immature, i am a shy girl. I was alot younger though when i met him so i have matured and maybe things would have been different if i met him now. But yeah, i do think he has had a immatue way of dealing with this.

You are as bad as each other:

totheleft wrote: »

Then i saw him this weekend. It made me realise how much i missed him. We were in a restaurant and apparently he kept looking over at my table. He never came and spoke to me and i never spoke to him.

totheleft

DVardysShadow wrote: »

You are as bad as each other:

Yeah but he's the one that cut me out of his life with no explanation. All those months without seeing him or talking to him, i used to think that i've hurt him or done something wrong. How can anyone just cut someone out of their life like that? I wasn't exactly going to approach him in case he blanked me or acted like i was no one. That would have hurt more.

totheleft

scrappie wrote: »

Why don't you msg him again and tell him how you feel. It's all well and good telling us lot on here - but we can't do anything about it.

I have been in exactly the same situation, we both decided to 'leave it' and have remained really good friends for over 20 years. If we had decided to take that chance and it had not worked out, I could have lost my best friend. Maybe that's how your friend felt all those months ago.

At the moment you seem to have 'lost' him anyway, you can't loose him twice. Tell him.

I know that probably sounds blunt, but that's just me - I don't do the fluffy stuff.

I would tell him how i felt if we got back in contact and spoke for a while, however he never replied to my message this weekend and he has a girlfriend so its unfair on her. But anyway, i don't know if i have feelings for him, i wish we could just be friends again.

I suppose the best situation is to move away.

BugglyB

He cut all contact without explanation and then got back in contact just to ask advice about his girlfriend? Think about if you would put up with this behaviour from a female friend you had no romantic interest in.

My 'standard' for boyfriends is they have to behave towards me with the same respect they would treat their best male friend. No excuses.

DVardysShadow

totheleft wrote: »

I wasn't exactly going to approach him in case he blanked me or acted like i was no one. That would have hurt more.

This is what I am getting at. As a mature person, you would approach him and take the risk, accepting that he might blank you, but being confident that you could survive being blanked. If he was a mature person, he would not blank you either.

So you are acting immaturely and your expectation is that he will act immaturely