unsure what to do ??

susieanne

My daughter whos 13 years old has a mixture of girls/boys who are friends , it does seem the norm these days for girls & boys to mate together . In my day the only reason you would be friends with a boy would be if he was your boyfriend , anyway shes asked can a few of her friends come to our house to watch a DVD but some of the friends who she wants to ask will be boys (i also think one of the boys is her boyfriend) . Me and her dad will be home but im still not sure whether to just say girls only . I want your views please

londonsurrey

Social skills with the other gender is desirable.
If your daughter is capable of hosting a civilised event, then let her.

If it degenerates into undesirable behaviour, mixed gender or no, then she's obviously incapable of hosting such events, and you don't allow future events. The same would apply even if she just wanted to invite only female friends over.

fluffnutter

I think it's great that she's mates with boys - it leads to far healthier relationships in the future. So much of relationship confusion is because men and women see each other as foreign species and this is exacerbated by only ever hanging out with your own sex. Why do you want to limit her friendships to girls only? You're going to be in the house, it's a DVD night not an orgy. Encourage her to have boys as mates, it's good for her.

If you're worried that she has a boyfriend, then you need to be talking to her, not just banning boys from the house.

thatgirlsam

Its nice that she wants to bring friends home, male or female

She feels comfortable in doing so, thats great

Keep an eye on things and give her the opportunity to build trust with you

CH27

Mixed friendship groups have been the norm with my son & I think it's great.
They learn so much from each other about how to relate & get along.

I'd be encouraging your daughter if I were you.

elvis86

Oh for God's sake. What do you really think is going to happen?

You think that with you and her dad in the house, your daughter is going to be up in her room getting sp!troasted by a couple of the lads whilst several of her other friends split their attention between the floor show and the DVD..?

She wants to invite her friends over to watch a DVD, not go off to Ibiza for a week on an 18-30 holiday! I can't for the life of me understand why either you or her dad are concerned about this??

Jeez, if my parents and my friends' parents had shared you prehistoric attitude towards boy/girl friendships, my teenage years would have been even more lonely and miserable than they were!

peachyprice

susieanne wrote: »

it does seem the norm these days for girls & boys to mate together

Freudian slip there

TBH, if you're in I can't see a problem letting them come round at all.

If they want to watch upstairs makes sure your DD know beforehand that there's a strictly 'open door' policy to her room and you WILL be checking on them periodically.

If they're watching down stairs they behave appropriately in your family area.

If I were you I would feel proud that my child felt comfortable enough with your relationship that she wants her friends at your house, when I was her age I wanted my friends as far away from my olds as possible!

Lara44

It seems strange to suggest your daughter should only be friends with girls? I think she is behaving very normally. I had lot of boy and girl platonic friendships whilst growing up. In my opinion having mixed friends helps to establish healthier romantic relationships later on - rather than if the ways of the opposite sex are shrouded in mystery! Not sure what you're worried about if they'll be in a group and you'll also be home?

- It is just for the evening, right? Or is it a sleepover?

kate1976

From ever since I could remember I was allowed male friends in the house, in fact my parents house was usually full of my friends (male and female) was never a problem, as fluffnutter said it's not an orgy! Go for it!

hazyjo

I'm 42 and used to have boys round as friends at that sort of age to watch DVDs* - and my mum was often out of the house! They do it far more often these days and - I agree with the above - it's far healthier to see boys as friends and not just potential boyfriend material/alien species!

I've noticed it a lot on TV - that holiday prog (sun sex & suspicious parents) often has mixed groups holidaying together now. My 16 year old nephew has more female friends than boys.

Jx
* I mean 'videos' - gawd, I feel old lol.

j.e.j.

It's good that she has friends of both sexes, - why introduce a problem which doesn't exist?

If you say girls only it will come across like you have some hang-ups or issues with her being friends with boys, and that if there are boys present something untoward is 'bound to happen'.