Sister and husband separated after a long marriage.

January20

I find it weird that as you don't have an estranged relationship with your sister (although living quite close geographically doesn't mean you are emotionally close), you are not supposed to know about the break up. Is she ashamed of it? of the circumstances of the break up? How long is she hoping to keep up appearances for?

You have 2 issues here. The first one being that your sister hasn't told you about her separation. It's very weird and I would be hurt by it. I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. I'd like to think I would let her know I know but I'm not sure. Of course, if you never tell family members how their actions towards you make you feel, how are they going to know?

The second issue is the way your family view you. Yes, you may have been the black sheep in the past but you sound like you are settled now and have children? The only way you can change people's attitude to you is by the way you react to them, so when you sister tries and tells you how to bring up your own children, just tell her you are old and sensible enough to know what to do, they are your children and not hers and she should mind her own business. It might ruffle her feathers a little bit, but it doesn't sound like she (and the rest of your family) has a lot of respect for you anyway!

caeler

I was terribly embarrassed when I seperated and I only told two people to begin with and one wasn't my sister. It took a long time to open up because I felt so much failure. It wasn't personal but I just couldn't cope with telling people. Then of course you have the issue over, if you tell X then you have to tell Y, etc and suddenly you may as well update your status on facebook and be done with it. Infact I was the same with my health problems and I still haven't told most of the family. I can't face it! I hope this insight helps you in some way, it usually isn't personal, its just what this person can cope with during a very difficault and emotional time. Everybody I later opened up too, understood me and didn't judge me for not telling them earlier.

floss2

Perhaps they thought it would only be for a short time, and would get back together...this happened to me & my ex-husband - separated for 4 months after 10 years, got back together & split permanently 5 years later. It was not easy telling people (family or friends) who knew we'd split that we were back together, and then 5 years later had split again.

neneromanova

justaquestion wrote: »

Hi folks,

My sister and her husband have separated after a long marriage. My other brother and sisters as well as separated sister keep in touch with me but not one of them has even mentioned the break up.

Would like to reassure every one that I'm not a gossip or anything like that, or dont want or need the gorey details of it, but it would have been a bit nice just to make a passing reference to it and then drop the subject.

So you come onto a busy forum and tell the world....way to reassure everyone that you're not a gossip....

justaquestion

neneromanova wrote: »

So you come onto a busy forum and tell the world....way to reassure everyone that you're not a gossip....

Well when I read above it just made me laugh, got to give the person full marks with the appropiate picture and all to back up their arguement, if you can call it that. They definitely have a degree from the university of trolling or gained their experience some where else.

Seriously though thanks to everyone else who give me some advice really appreciate it and to the above poster thanks again, you have cheered me up though probably that wasn't your intention...lol


Justin