Feeling a bit overwhelmed by the responsibility of this

DVardysShadow

Hootie19 wrote: »

Thank you - here's the embarassing SOA.

Amount short for making debt repayments. -267.93

I am sure you are aware of that line. Regardless of your OH's state of mind, you have to get that line straight as your first priority. You need to show him the SoA with that line highlighted and make it plain to him that if this is not sorted you are going under sooner or later and you need sky to go as part of it.

Depressed or not, he has to engage with this - and if sky is too precious, he needs to find some alternatives to get that line the right side of 0

fatbelly

As I was reading through your SoA, I was thinking ... 4 adults, that's 2 grown-up kids ... groceries £500 per month, she's feeding them ... why are they not contributing? ... £30 each per week would close that gap.

Then I read your comments at the end and I realise that may not be possible. If it is, or you can cut expenditure by £60 per week, then you could avoid a debt management plan.

But £60 per week is a big reduction. I think you might be best going for the dmp, getting interest frozen and starting to reduce your debt

Hootie19

Thank you all - again.

I really am not sure how far I can "push" my husband to talk about things (I've not really dealt with MH issues before), but I did show him the CCCS booklet they emailed me, and showed him the deficit.

Then he told me that he has spoken to NatWest (our mortgage provider) and Smile bank (about his personal loan, overdraft and credit card) and that they had said the following:

NatWest - we can extend the period of our mortgage (by about 4 years I think he said) and this will reduce our payment by £250 a month but will mean we will still be paying a mortgage well into our 60s (I will be 52 this year, he will be 53 and our current mortgage has 10 years left to run), which just makes my heart sink.

Smile - will give him another loan, to repay the existing loan, his credit card and his overdraft. This will reduce his payments by a futher £120 a month, but means a further 60 month loan.

However he is a bit vague as to when he actually spoke to them (he has told me four times over the last nine months that he has spoken to NatWest, which obviously he hasn't) and claims that the necessary paperwork hasn't arrived in the post. I might accept that one set of paperwork could go missing, but not two. So I don't know whether to believe him now.

I obviously can't speak with Smile, as it is not a joint account, but I think I will speak with NatWest myself (it's very awkward trying to find a quiet place at work where I can actually make a phone call, and there are several blackspots in our building where you can't get a phone signal, which doesn't help). My husband has kept saying that he will deal with it, but obviously he's just not up to it at the moment.

So - given this new information, which option should we choose? I'm leaning towards extending the mortgage and taking the new loan from his bank, rather than the DMP, but my head is all over the place at the moment, and I'm not sure I'm seeing all the possible pitfalls. But by reducing our outgoings by £370 a month plus shaving some off the food shopping bill, and possibly SORNing my car and saving on the insurance (maybe even selling the car, although I'm not sure that would be worth it as there is a problem with the - automatic - gearbox which would presumably put people off) I think we could get by. I think it's still going to be tight, and would just need one emergency bill that we're not expecting, to send us into a spin again, but I'm thinking it's better to do that than to have the DMP "against" us.

I mentioned (again) cancelling sky and he just got up and walked out of the room, so I think I'm going to lose that battle.

As I said, I don't know just how fragile he is mentally, so don't want to push him too hard. I am finding it incredibly hard to be patient with him though!

Mrs_Arcanum

One thing to watch out for is getting into more debt to be rid of existing debt. It is very easy to pay off the CC and then an emergency crops up & the card gets used again. If you could be sure all the cards would be closed preventing further spending then it might be an option.

The only thing I would add re other comments on your SOA is internet charges. You should be able to get a far better deal than you appear to have at the moment with the TV/phone/internet perhaps being combined.

Hootie19

Oh, and we received a letter today from our new gas/electricity provider. The payment is lower than we were previously paying, but not as low as I thought. As from 1st May it will be £77 a month (Still better than the £96 we were previously paying.)

Mrs_Arcanum

Hootie19 wrote: »

Oh, and we received a letter today from our new gas/electricity provider. The payment is lower than we were previously paying, but not as low as I thought. As from 1st May it will be £77 a month (Still better than the £96 we were previously paying.)

Well done but be careful to stay on top of your usage. When money is tight a sudden hike in utility bills can break you.

wyebird

From experience with Smile - they will consolidate any debt you have with them to make the payments more affordable, but will then remove access to further credit i.e. close cards and remove overdrafts to stop you racking it back up again, which is a good thing.

With Sky, at least as an interrim, it is worth saying you are going to cancel, they will invariably reduce the cost for 3-6 months.

smileytiger

Hootie19 wrote: »

Thank you all - again.

I really am not sure how far I can "push" my husband to talk about things (I've not really dealt with MH issues before), but I did show him the CCCS booklet they emailed me, and showed him the deficit.
.........
As I said, I don't know just how fragile he is mentally, so don't want to push him too hard. I am finding it incredibly hard to be patient with him though!

I know exactly where you are coming from - my OH hasn't worked for 2 years as he has had to have some of his spine replaced (long story which involves him being depressed/suicidal) and money has been very tight on just my salary.

The one thing i would say is make sure you look after yourself - I have soldiered on and taken on everything, sorted everything, reduced/cleared debts etc and now 2 years on am being monitored by my GP as he thinks i'm close to a mental breakdown due to all the stress of doing it all by myself plus worrying about OH constantly aswell.

One thing i've learned (finally)is to make sure you ask for help and don't think you have to do it alone.

Good luck & hugs .xx

whiteguineapig

that might be a way forward for you, when i cancelled sky they offered us 6 months at half price, i used the money i saved to save up for a humax box which is similar to sky plus, when the 6 months were up i just cancelled
you could maybe pesuade him to try that, you could always say that when the 6 months were up you could carry on with sky

wannabee_in_credit

I have plenty of experience dealing with MH issues - my OH suffers badly with depression... I always start my conversations with 'I appreciate that you're ill, however...'
He's been off work the past 6 weeks, with his depression (last time it was 8 months). One thing I have been able to do is to get permission to speak to people on his behalf. It may be worth asking your husband if this would be ok (for example, although the Sky is in my name - he is permitted to talk to them by me, and vice versa for other things).
Depression is an awful illness, no doubt, but the worst thing anyone can do when dealing with someone depressed is to leave them to it. I'm always brutally honest with OH about how his behaviour affects me, the kids, our finances etc. I do appreciate that he can't always face up to it, but I want him to know (it's a very selfish condition unfortunately).
Anyway - last time he was off work I ran up a stack of debt because I was on maternity leave and we urgently needed new central heating. By the end of my maternity leave and him still off work I had to accept that I couldn't balance the books - and I went into a DMP with CCCS. OK, my credit rating is shot - but to tell you the truth I just want now to be able to balance my own books rather than have to borrow money. Since I've been on dmp, I've managed to build up an emergency fund, and OH has saved enough for us to get married this year. I personally think it's the best thing I ever did - and one less stress in my life (because I have plenty).
I wish you luck.